What I wouldn’t give
for a ghost autobiographer
to do the living for me as well
long before the book is due
or even conceived

Let him do the inevitable tour
after publication
Let him choose the star
to play himself in the movie
about my life

The whole reason for writing
about your life is that something
about it was or is unique
and the longer I live
the more I realize

I’m exactly like everyone else
so having someone stunt the life itself
is at least novel enough to write about
(even if that defeats the purpose of the 
autobiographical label)

Let’s just skip the book idea
Who is willing to just live for me
and not write about it afterward?
Don’t make me come after you with a gag order
to stop you talking about my life

Don’t make me hunt you down
and kill myself as you or you as myself
I would hardly know where to put the bullet or
which way to point the gun
Maybe I’d just have you do it

because I’m bored with me enough
to not want to talk about me
any more in any forum but 
the eulogy — yeah, let
my ghost autobiographer handle that one

I’ll be elsewhere not hearing that
I’ll be in Saskatchewan
or somewhere no one else is
doing what the other guy said I’d be doing
which is nothing most of the time