Heavy Metal

right now
there ought to be
heavy metal welling
from the floor and
rising to my knees
at the least

because if I am too hurt
my own karma and enter
this place again
I ought to have
the proper soundtrack
for how sludgy that walk
feels

right now only shredded trust 
and hoarse-creamed-lava on toast
will do

I want to be in here
when it burns
and smell it burning
before anyone else can

I want the burning
to have
incoherence as a soundtrack
(I want to know
the words)

I want to stumble away
fall on fire far
from the main blaze
set off the stubborn second fire
die before too much time
goes by 

I hated
being here as
I hate
dying here
I hate the red and the black 
of it all
the crunch of it
the distortion of it
chug
chug chug
chug