Daily Archives: November 22, 2017

Unboxing

In a box
I made I keep
the work of 
my whole life: how
to be this divided
self, how to speak of it,
how to stay alive
this way. I keep
my races and my bad
brain in there and
the sticky moods and
how I don’t want to look
at any of it very often.

In my self-made box
I keep stars and 
scars and every ink-bitten
mistake and triumph and
triumph over a mistake.
Sometimes I have to
crush down what I put in 
before but it’s all in there,
I promise. Well, 

someone kicked it
and a side split. Someone
kicked my self-box and
now it’s not holding

and when I come
out of it, when I spill
out of that opened
corner, what may come

might be the new stuff
up top or maybe the 
very oldest, that which has been
crushed down and down and
compacted for long years

and some of those triumphs
look now like mistakes
or are so pressed into
one another that 
they might ignite when exposed
to the new light and
I can’t tell you what
is going to happen, 

other than that 
what’s spilling out
is possibly ugly and 
if it burns it may burn
toxic and if the box
goes too we’ll both
see me for real
in the open at last.

Inside my self-box
late at night, early
in the morning, I stare
into the world through
the now-fractured corner
and it looks like
a slot canyon, a space
between walls or bars.
It looks straight
and narrow. 
Surely
it’s better in here
than out there.


Seated Before The Mess

After all these years
thrashing my way through
every possible situation
and screaming at the floors, walls,
doors, and windows
when I couldn’t do
what was needed,

you’d think I would
understand how little 
I’ve done that worked
when done at top volume 
and frantic action, yet when given
one more chance to be still and
possibly effective for once in my
increasingly mockable life

I fucked up and broke 
more than silence with clumsy
blows and motions.

Now, I could sit back
from the wreckage and 
excuse and stammer and 
point at how I got here and 
what I was trying to do,
what I intended to do, but

to be honest, 
it doesn’t matter
and never did.

So what now?