Zazen

Spent hours bashing it out
with my mind, my ego;
baser parts of me.

I have been sitting for several hours doing
not much after that; forget closure —
I have said no to satisfaction

but yes to a way station,
yes to a stoppage. A spot in its loop
where I can step off

and sit for a little
while it went on
without me. Could jump back in

when and if I wanted;
I don’t want. I want nothing
but to sit with what I’d taken

and let things fall out
wherever they would. Not happy,
not sad. Alone, not lonely.

From a spot on that road
to here, and I haven’t
gone anywhere. A small pang

of hunger or of thirst now and then.
A small pang for deceit now;
a small whisper of grief then.

Otherwise? I am fine.
I sit here and do not marvel at mistakes
I have made, do not revel in joy

over them. Shade comes down,
grays slips out. Night slides in
gradually. I pay it no mind;

drop a coin into its slot. I don’t
bother listening; it gives what it gives.
That might be nothing. I will be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T