Author Archives: Tony Brown

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details.

Note for subscribers to Dark Matter: The Duende Project

Just wanted to drop a note to all the wonderful folks who subscribe directly to Dark Matter.

I really appreciate your desire to follow my experiment here of putting an entire body of work out there — the good, the bad, the ugly, and the mediocre.  I certainly hope you enjoy it and I’m always happy to respond to any comments or questions.

Wanted to also point out to those new to the blog that I also have another project — a poetry and music ensemble, a band if you will, called The Duende Project.  It features two spectacular musicians — Steven Lanning-Cafaro on bass and nylon string guitar and Chris O’Donnell on drums — and me on far less than spectacular electric guitar now and then, and poems all the time.  

Our early work is available on Amazon.com, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, Spotify, etc., etc., while our two most recent albums are out on Bandcamp, at theduendeproject.bandcamp.com .  

I would certainly love it if you’d go take a listen at the least — and if you saw fit to purchase a track or a whole album, that’d be terrific too.

Thanks again to all of you.  I am humbled by your continued interest in my work, and I hope to interact with you soon.

Tony 


What The Poem Cannot Do

The poem cannot strike the blow
but it can draw the sword.

It may speed the hand to seize the hilt.
It may make the case for war, but
it will not shed the blood that will lubricate
the wheels as they escape the rails.

The poem will not set the fire
but it may light the match.

It may stand with the rioter in the dark.
It may be silhouetted in the sudden light.
It will not toss the bottle at the gates
but it will sing with the timbers as they cry and pop.

The poem will never pull a trigger
but it might cock a hammer or chamber a round.

It will stop and stare into the eyes of the killers.
it will stalk backwards as it draws them on, but
it cannot do what only you can do.
It can only hand you the weapon and ask:

is this not, at last, the time?

 


Exam Questions For The Next World

Section One:

In a single essay, explain 
intersectional oppression.
Include the following terms:

a dugout of blood. 
a pitted bone.
a shop of rape. 
a sharpened stone.

Section Two:

If you turn out to be 
a scapegoat,
will you survive
your turn in the wilderness?

Show your work.

Section Three:

What five words
ought to be erased or respelled
in order to lift their magic?  

Defend your choices
without attacking others.

Section Four:

A piece of history
is sticking out of your eye.
Define the process
for removing it.  

Section Five:

Is there any room
for mercy in the new world
that has not already been shown
in the present one?

 


A Message From The Invisibles

Do you know me?
Of course you don’t.
I’m the one you never even see —
the tollbooth hand, the help desk voice,
the picker, the sorter, the sweeper,
and someone’s best chance for survival

because they always come for the left behind,
for the overlooked irritations,
for the almost forgotten and the rarely-noticed,

but they never come for the invisible,

which makes me a good choice
to carry your last hope, a place
to put your faith
if you don’t want it crushed.
Bring me into the world you’re
trying to save and
see who I am and what I can do:
in so many ways I already
run your world.

On the other hand
I could
anchor my despair
and rage elsewhere
and carry
bombs from them
to you —

that’s up to you.

Let me in,
lock me out —
one way or another
you’ll see me soon:
my knowing eyes,
my brimming mouth,
my chest afire.


The End Of Days

This world is going to end,
but first will come more rainbows.

The terrible beauty of supervolcanoes
when viewed from space
will likely look like an erupting field
of red and gray poppies.

The best and most startling
sunshine yellow in nature
is found in the dank moist center
of a slime mold.

Enough, enough,
modern prattlers,
supported by your self-referential peers
with affirmation alone
and negation alone;

enough with positivity
and abundance meditation,

enough with pessimistic messiahs
and apocalyptic vision.

Instead, balance your opinion
of the world
on the edge of this well-worn
dagger.

It’s a skilled cutler’s delight,
art made for killing
by someone who
could wring such perfect steel
from earth
and fire,
you just know
he had to be in love
with living
if he could put
such care
into creating this.


Self, Loathing

My face startles me
as I pass a storefront.

That shadow self
in the window
looks smart as hell
when he’s indistinct.

I know better, of course,
than to listen to him,

trust him even less
when he’s in a mirror
across from me.

Bastard,
I say, I bet Dad
(whoever he was)
broke his own mirror
the first time he caught
a glimpse of that future me
in that image.
He saw the kind of son
he was likely to father,
and that’s why he ran.

You’re not so smart,
I tell my reflection.

It says
the same to me.

Maybe
it’s smarter than it looks,
but it can’t be by much.


Under The Spell

So considerate!
He hangs my blue towel
on the correct nail.

We only tango
facing the wall,
our heads snapping about 
as we turn. 

I don’t like your sister watching us,
he says.
And your piano
is in need of tuning.

What I would not give
for a long drive with him
in an MG,

a red MG,
revving up, rolling out
over the long miles of country,

laughing at the signs:
no vacancy,
no vagrancy,

I’d go anywhere with him
though forensics are imminent
and may show soft crumbs of others 

on his knife.


Commandment

This morning,
I salute the earth.

It should be with tambura,
horns, drums, finger cymbals,
and flutes, I know.
I have none of these.

It should be done with dancing:
heels never touching, a toe-tip reel
grounded but striving upward.
I’m afraid to move too much,
terrified of a last-straw-to-this-body tumble.

I can only do it
with nerve and 
a celebratory shiver
in my stiffening limbs.

I can only do it
with hard-found words
in the one language
I manage to speak.

I may only do it
once well,
and the earth may not catch it
except as a stirring
behind its global back,
once.  

Not to salute the earth
breaks a commandment
that was left out, 
perhaps on purpose,
from the Ten…unless
the one about parents
is supposed to include
this honoring of our source,
but most likely
was not meant that way
so, 

I add it.  New commandment:
“Salute this earth
with whatever you have.
Keep it holy as if every day
were a Sabbath.”  Perhaps
it is? Let us find out:

salute the earth in the morning 
every morning, and let’s see
what if anything
our customary God
does about it.

 


The Really, Really, REALLY Good Accountant

Him with his flattop cut,
bowtie on short sleeve shirt,
bad pants often plaid pants,
cheap shoes, pocket protector,
lived with his elderly mom
and drove her older Cadillac.  

Him coulda fallen
out of the typecasting folder
of a typecasting agent
but I knew him, he was real,
not at all a bad guy,
an accountant, one of the best,
loan you his money on your word
as to when you’d pay him back,
buy you lunch if you were strapped, 
hard to get started with
but once you were in with him
you were in.

Him unable to use a 
computer, him with his
paper, piles of it, boxes of it, 
him burrowing through
his paper to find fraud, waste,
nuggets of wrong; no one better
at it, all agreed, they handed him
every hard job, impossible error,
stubborn case.  But — 

him?  Him? Inflexible,
they charged.  Not versatile,
they whispered.  Too limited,
they agreed.

On his last day
he cried on my shoulder,
awkwardly, for all of 
ten or fifteen seconds.
He died 
within the year.

I heard a painter
railing against
nine-to-fivers,
a poet railing against 
nine-to-fivers, 
a musician shuddering
at having a nine-to-five
need-to-have, 
all variations of 

how can they go to work each day
and do that with no creativity
or room for play in a schedule?

I want to say,
you should have known him.  
Should have asked him.  
Should have
seen him cry to lose it,
should have
felt him die to not have it.
Should have
had him tell you
how he loved it, how it was like
mining, puzzling,
like a writer finding the pieces
to tell a story.

I want to say
art,
fucker,
is where you find it

and there are more places 
to look
than you, evidently,
have the imagination
to discover.

 


Fourth Of July

The Third
turns into the Fourth
over the course
of one dank
fireworked-up night

We the people
are getting
our tricolor freak on

eating after midnight
(shouldn’t be eating this late)

eating something we shouldn’t
(shouldn’t be eating this)

drinking some corporate poison
(shouldn’t be drinking that)

smoking something
(shouldn’t be smoking)

lighting firecrackers
(shouldn’t even have these) 

and thinking
(shouldn’t be thinking this)
it all might be more fun
with a couple of guns
one for dawn 
one to dream on 

On the Fourth Of July
we remember where
the shooting started
feel like we had a hand in it
and resent being ruled
by descendents
of the shooters

but instead of
thinking about it
too much
we stumble about
slightly paralyzed
by our lifestyles
but glad of the day off
and only vaguely troubled
by the Lone Ranger
patting Tonto’s head
while lifting his wallet
to use the cash 
to buy a second home
in Puerto Rico
while standing his ground
(six shooter in hand)
against the terrible increase
in the horrible number
of black teenagers


How To Weep

as river, allow
level to assert
itself and then
follow the tumble. 

as seep, settle
into the shimmer
and sing inside
the slowest notes.

as wail, scrape
inside for last moisture,
spare ocean, water-
spout.  release.

if inside, find the leaky
seam.  break
down.  try to hold it closed.
fail. try. fail.  turn to river.


Prayer Beads

I own one string
of 108 white beads
that were strung for prayer

purchased with the intention 
of taming the negatives around me
by the process of counting them off —
ninety
ninety one
ninety two —

count them all often enough
it is said
and one tames oneself
most securely
through following directions 

Lay the beads in the right hand
over the middle finger
Over the ego finger
From the head bead
move on to the next

using the thumb alone
seeking in the count
the OM

But I don’t feel tamed when I count  
Instead I start itching for a fight
thinking of the host
of red-dark demons around me
I have more fights
than strings of beads
to tame them

Perhaps my battles
are my blessings
and instead of blessings
I should count battles 
eighty nine
ninety
ninety one 

Lay the beads in the right hand
over the middle finger
Over the ego finger
From the head bead 
move on to the next 

using the thumb alone
seeking in the count 
the OM

If I break this string of beads
will the blessings be scattered
will the battles be strewn about
fifty one
fifty two
fifty three
Will I feel better
in the rage that rises
when I see them
bounce across the floor

One hundred and eight little chances
to discount the process of taming anger
on a daily basis 
is not what the holy ones intended
when they dreamed this up

but there are
some of us
for whom such inner taming
is erasure

Lay the beads in the right hand
over the middle finger
Tangled on the ego finger
From the head bead 
move on to the next 

using the thumb alone
seeking in the count 
the OM
but finding instead
the void 



Crash

Sometimes
I burst from sleep
imagining that I am self-sired,
never tired,  solo flight
across the Atlantic,
great aviator all alone;

easy as the day seems then
it usually takes only a swipe or two,
a smirk or three, a cutting framing
of what I thought was my glory
by a beloved one, and there I go 
down, down into the gray and cold.

Self-sired, never tired — those are my best lies.
As if I’ve ever been anything but a lonely son, as if
I’ve ever been unexhausted in this life. 
As if the hard sleep I rise from
hasn’t been stolen from the dark. As if I
have ever been cleared for landing.

 


Ridiculous Man

In stone,
find castles;
in wood find
cottages; in river
find ocean, in ocean
find the moon.

In you? Find
search, explore,
discover, build…
find atmosphere.
Find breathing.

Find, of course,
me…not mystic
location, not 
“inner me” but
ordinary face,
mirror, 
self-portrait…

Ridiculous man!

All of you in there
before me
and all I see
is me!  

 


Bonfire Watch, June 2013

No vulture can circle widely enough,
no worm can open her gullet enough,
no fly can buzz to the target and feed swiftly enough,
no gravedigger has a shovel large enough

to dig the grave that needs digging
for the hulk that lies dying here.
No hearse large enough to carry it away
to a better cemetary,

no undertaker skilled enough to empty it
or make it up to seem plastic alive
(though it often looked that way in life,
seeing it now confirms that those days have passed.)

One hope to avoid the poisoning sure to come
from its breaking down and leaching out:
that we who are watching it die will at the proper moment
set the giant bonfire needed to cleanse the earth where it lies.