One Last Question

I wake up and consider God as I have known God —
at first there was Catholic God under which

I casually behaved as if it mattered — told my dad after First Communion
that my hands were withered from praying — he couldn’t stop laughing —

my mother didn’t –threw a fit once and said my sister and I
were growing up lawless and Godless

and left and came back later
and never mentioned it again —

I didn’t pay much attention — never went to church much —
after Confirmation and Baccalaureate never went at all —

maybe to the odd wedding and the less odd funeral —
didn’t think much about God at them —

This is just how it was and is — now God’s an it —
No gender or being really when it comes to it —

when it comes to a point upon which the world can rest —
forget him or her or it — we have ourselves

puzzled and weary — or if we choose
we can trust a deity — we can make one up —

take one from an ancient text or
some modern bastard of pure deliverance —

We want god (or God) — small lettered or Capital — makes no sense or difference —
I choose to be ambivalent myself — preferring the deity of ordinariness —

clean laundry and falling asleep to no thought of it —
just let me fall asleep to a god unfamiliar with our terms —

one that will say that is not what I meant at all
if it even bothers to talk to us when we ask that one last question

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T