Steak Or Chicken

Originally posted 12/29/2010.

george clinton must now and then
think about giving up the stars
for a steady job in furniture repair

prince must sometimes think about saying
fuck it
i’m going into retail

bruce has to think about
the carefree life
of a plumber

mick must occasionally think
about financial analysis
as a late career choice

it’s the same with me
i wanna be
a rock star 

the way each of them is a rock star 
with a name that projects their particular cosmology
the minute it’s uttered

i want my name
to change the inner monologue
of anyone who hears it (that’d be SWEET)

but instead i’m in the store
looking at frozen fajitas
and i could be just anyone

if someone calls my name
i don’t turn around right away
they couldn’t possibly be talking to me

so inured to being a nobody
even my own name
doesn’t evoke anything in me

except annoyance that i’ve been disturbed
before i can choose between
the steak or the chicken

most days i don’t feel this way
i just go through motions
i’ve been through before

and i’m ok
if not happy
the world around me isn’t mine

i just live here
i mean so little to the living 
that when i stop living here

someone else
will be just fine
bearing my name

but right now i wanna be a rock star
and i want my name to make the choice
of steak or chicken for me

with a sense of grand inevitability
they should just magically appear
in my cart with its four perfect wheels

then i will thrill inside
as what i want
turns into exactly what everyone else wants

and then if i change my mind later
so shall change the fajitas
and so shall change everyone else’s mind and taste

i wanna be a rock star
instead of this — 
vacillating and anonymous mess

standing in the supermarket aisle 
in front of a bright freezer
wondering for ten minutes about a choice

between shitty frozen steak
and shitty frozen chicken
as if it matters 

and all the while nobody passing me 
seems to have a clue
about whether or not i’m even there