bad man

if i told you
the worst thing i’ve
ever done, you would
dig both hands into my eyes
and push until i fell backwards
into the carpet. you would
kick me and then sob out loud
as i rose blinded and contrite
from the floor.

then i would tell you: i would do it again, but for you alone,

and then you might step toward me
as if i was a spotlight
you could stand in for one moment —
and perhaps i would see again
or perhaps not, see you before you were
illuminated by false hope —

and then i would do it again, just as i promised.