Author Archives: Tony Brown

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details.

Dodgeball

A ball
of rage
streaking to earth,
searing 
clouds as it comes;

do you think 
it’s going to bounce
or crash right through?
Do you feel safe
either way? 

Be honest —
you do.  
You figure
it’ll pull a Tunguska
and hit elsewhere,
elsewhere as
they always do,

but if I tell you
it’s a ball made of 
mass rage at masses of
clueless people, 
that it’s full of voices, reminders,
old grudges, justifications
for anger, that it seems pretty
solid and focused and 
well aimed,

will you worry then?
Worry about a direct hit,
or even fear a little the bounce?

Nah, not you.
You aren’t clueless
and are certain no one’s got a reason
to be enraged with you.

That is why
I’m not going to tell you
anything else
about the ball
or its trajectory
or who lit it
before they fired it:

this
is going to be
interesting.  I almost
said “fun,”

but it’s not going to be
fun.


Pickers

For today’s users
what is old means nothing
if it’s not remixed —

They pick the bones
confidently salvaging whatever they can
even if it was not what was intended —

The old context
that’s now a rag of skin
around the skeletal neck —

All that’s left is for it
to be torn free
from what still matters —

those shiny bones
that clatter so beautifully
though they used to sing —

No remark upon sadness
or mutilation even if it is an improvement
can be tolerated —

context and the past
will just drag the bones down
into filthy graves —

I am unopposed to progress
Slew my own old dragons in my day
Still do my fair share of junking through them —

but cannot help thinking
of how they once roared
and burned —

were they not
the most lovely horrors
without my meddling —

Perhaps now
it is close to my turn
for the scrapheap —

this must be why I understand
such fires as theirs
and how they turned them against us


Bang Bang Bang Afterglow

Good afternoon, armed meta-
physician; good afternoon,
thug drug dealer; good afternoon
to all the ships in port,  
good afternoon to all
the tanks in formation, all
the gunners straining to shoot,
all the cavalry wondering
why their horses are flying
so hapazardly overhead;
good afterpart afterglow
of the afternoon
of another day of war…
bang bang BANG,
yes I meant afterglow; how
can the similarities
have escaped you? 

How did you miss the foreplay
all morning, the undercard, the small
scatterling bullets
taking a life here and an arm there;
surely you were here for the main event,
the top of the bill, the monstrous moist licking
we took, the thrust
of what we gave right back?

How did you miss it? How do you not see
that it’s the only reason 
the armed metaphysician and
the thug drug dealer ever find
common ground — when the horses
fly through the sexy air and land with
grand breaks and splayed eyes,
strange bedfellows practically
spoon, war seems less violent
and more romantic, more red,
more chemical reaction, more
of what men have decided
makes them come.

 


Concert

The classic rock band
on the concert stage
looks down upon you
holding up their one great album
in the front row
for an entire hour and a half
and says

it’s like the old days
but nothing like the old days

(or two of them do,
the two original members, 
the rest being hired guns
who look at you and say

shame i’m not getting royalties from this gig

and proceed to rock out
with the clock out
figuring dollars earned 
by notes played)

And what do you say?
You say

EEEEEYEAH!!!!!

and 

WOOOOOOOOOO!

and are thus
entertained
well and fully
and are convinced
and are sated
and can go home
rejuvenated

well

a little

 


Reconsideration

A redtail in the backyard,
startled from its prey
as I stepped out to water the garden,
rose with mouse or squirrel in hand
and then was gone.

This dense city around it of no importance —
here was a hint of wilderness.
Its abrupt departure loosed energy
into the morning, which surged into 
my arms and at once I longed to fly.

Forget it all — the city,
its violent moves, its daily suppressions, 
its suspicions and its
easy flipping from embrace to smother.
Forget it all and rise to the simplicity

of soaring, swooping for meals, 
endless hours watching from high above.
God, I said, make me a hawk
and I’ll worship you like a hawk
with bones and blood and implacable eyes.

And then I went ahead
and watered the garden
and picked some cukes and 
killed some vine borers, came inside
and had coffee and searched for hawk videos

while I waited for it to happen. I’m still waiting.  
I’m sitting in the city
imagining not only
that I’m not here,
but that I’m no longer human.

Suddenly,
I find I am beginning
to laugh at myself.
I am not sure a hawk
can do that.


Bleachface Nation

“Let it go, stupid.
You don’t need to hang a label on it. 
You don’t need to rage about it.
You don’t need to fight.”

“Let it go, stupid.”
You have a shiny bleachface.
You have a cute bubble there.
You live in Bleachface Nation.

Let it go, you say? NO.
I hang a label on it.
I rage about it.
I need to fight.

“Tired of hyperbole…”
NO.  Not exaggeration.
Must say it.  Must be said.
My friends walk around terrified, mad, tired,

and I’m terrified mad tired with them.
Bleachface Nation demands terror
of them.  How can Bleachface
shine without that?  

And yes I look a little Bleachface myself.
I look just like the Big Fat Old Baddest Bleachface.
I am none of that — instead, my dark dad’s son.
But you’ll never know if I don’t prove it.

If I don’t prove it, state it,
call it out, fight, rage, battle, 
hang a label if it needs hanging,
I become Big Bad.  I become

the Lie.  I might as well
knock on Bleachface Nation’s
pastel door.  Might as well 
stride on in.  Lock out 

what’s hanging on my heels.
Lock out my dad, grandfolks, 
cousins.  Lock up a bit of me —
shit, I might have to share a cell

with YOU.

 


Song: Acceptance

In the struggle to be an adult
There have been times when through no one’s fault
I find myself softened and weak
I break down at my own two feet

I keep trying to come off tough
Like some boxer who can’t get enough
Then a moment of caring gets through
And I’m back in the depth of blues

Despair
is my costume
Despair now and then keeps a light on inside
Despair
is an option
Hope has to have somewhere to hide

I’ve got friends who think I should try
Some kind of tearstained hard goodbye
Commit a homicide of my heart
That leaves me standing alone and hard

But if I kill off what makes me, me
Who’s the guy I’ll then have to be
I think I’ll just remain the mess
When I’m tattered I’m at my best

Despair
is my costume
Despair now and then keeps a light on inside
Despair
is an option
Without it joy’s just a cheap midway ride

 


Elevator Music

Elevator music
The sound of what’s wrong

In small rooms rising and falling
The sound of what’s wrong

In offices 
The sound of what’s wrong

These songs used to be actual songs
Now they’re the sound of what’s wrong

(In the restrooms the workers come and go
humming along to fake Coolio)

Someone likely my age who likely looks like me
takes raw music and polishes the edges off

Puts together a soundtrack
made for maximum uplift

and boost to productivity
or to calm a jittery rider

(man who isn’t a jittery rider right now?)
Isn’t it lovely instead to hear

something soft and pointless
and harmless and clear

(while back in the toilet they come and go
pissing and pooping to something slow)

Sound of something wrong
made comfortable so you don’t have to be 

uncomfortable
rising from street level to penthouse

or falling slowly but certainly
from penthouse to street level

What instruments are being played
Why is no one ever singing

These used to be real songs
They contained real people

Used to be sung now and then at least
Sometimes conveyed real feeling

(while in the hallways the sleepers come and go
stumbling along to Curtis Blow)

Elevator music
the sound of something wrong

No one knows anything about it
Songs used to be

full of fire and bad notes and grit
but in the elevator or the doctor’s chair

we don’t have a second thought 
we lie back and take it

and later we fall from on high
to watered down Clash on invisible speakers

and are not the least bit ashamed
It’s the sound after all of everything wrong

and who would debate that 
everything is wrong

meet the new moss 
same as the old moss

growing on the gangster
paradigm

all we wanna do is have some fun
lost in the supermarket

forgetting the words
as we shop

and the streets that bore it all for us
fall to riot and killing

but thanks to elevator music
we never have to hear about that 

 


Eye for Eye / Tooth for Tooth

pretty dank 
these crowds and masses

so many people
more teeth than eyes

no one’s happy except the deluded
and the smug rich

in our pain
everyone seems an enemy

we smash empty the mouths of others
after we blind them

hard to blind them
when we ourselves are blind

harder still to swing at their mouths
in our darkness

but that is
what the law says to do

eye for eye
tooth for tooth

can’t see for certain
but sense someone watching us

opticians
and dentists

seekers of coin and
dependents

suppliers of reasons to fight
bakers and circus masters

makers of dentures and useless
but cosmetically stunning eyes

every last one of them the perfect blue
or so they tell us

 


Just What Was Expected

Can I just check myself here —
It’s OK with you if I keep calling
an acquitted killer
a killer, right?  

It’s so hard to keep track
of that kind of thing
in a nation so clumsy
with truth 

that we can learn of someone killing someone
with a shrug one evening
then giggle at a grumpy cat
by noontime the next day

but I should check myself,
I suppose
After all, this is all about
a perfectly legal evil

At least that’s what
I’m given to understand
What I’m given to accept
and lie down with and chew upon

is that someone who stalks chases
fights a boy starts to lose
and then shoots that boy dead
did it all in self defense — whew!

That must have sucked
I feel bad for him
So many people pissed at him
He’ll never again be able

to go out in public
without wearing
a hoodie
or something

I should check myself
I suppose
before I lose lunch
and self control

Grumpy cat says
looky looky here
My face is the banner
of all discontent and dissent

In these furred jowls
find expression for your anger
Create a meme of rage
and send it out across

the wired and wireless
O America
you cat box
you climbing pole

I will find a way to live here
Muttering the whole time
about killing and revenge and justice
About REALLY DOING SOMETHING

again and again
because what else can I do
except lament
if I never check enough of myself to accept

my share of the guilt
not for the act
but for living here in such a way
that the act and all its fallout

became just another
just one more example
(what were their names again?)
of exactly what we expected

Instead I check myself
for color and age
breathe a sigh of relief
wait to die in bed

like an acquitted killer
who’s still a killer
We’re big fat killers
him and me

 


Note for subscribers to Dark Matter: The Duende Project

Just wanted to drop a note to all the wonderful folks who subscribe directly to Dark Matter.

I really appreciate your desire to follow my experiment here of putting an entire body of work out there — the good, the bad, the ugly, and the mediocre.  I certainly hope you enjoy it and I’m always happy to respond to any comments or questions.

Wanted to also point out to those new to the blog that I also have another project — a poetry and music ensemble, a band if you will, called The Duende Project.  It features two spectacular musicians — Steven Lanning-Cafaro on bass and nylon string guitar and Chris O’Donnell on drums — and me on far less than spectacular electric guitar now and then, and poems all the time.  

Our early work is available on Amazon.com, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, Spotify, etc., etc., while our two most recent albums are out on Bandcamp, at theduendeproject.bandcamp.com .  

I would certainly love it if you’d go take a listen at the least — and if you saw fit to purchase a track or a whole album, that’d be terrific too.

Thanks again to all of you.  I am humbled by your continued interest in my work, and I hope to interact with you soon.

Tony 


What The Poem Cannot Do

The poem cannot strike the blow
but it can draw the sword.

It may speed the hand to seize the hilt.
It may make the case for war, but
it will not shed the blood that will lubricate
the wheels as they escape the rails.

The poem will not set the fire
but it may light the match.

It may stand with the rioter in the dark.
It may be silhouetted in the sudden light.
It will not toss the bottle at the gates
but it will sing with the timbers as they cry and pop.

The poem will never pull a trigger
but it might cock a hammer or chamber a round.

It will stop and stare into the eyes of the killers.
it will stalk backwards as it draws them on, but
it cannot do what only you can do.
It can only hand you the weapon and ask:

is this not, at last, the time?

 


Exam Questions For The Next World

Section One:

In a single essay, explain 
intersectional oppression.
Include the following terms:

a dugout of blood. 
a pitted bone.
a shop of rape. 
a sharpened stone.

Section Two:

If you turn out to be 
a scapegoat,
will you survive
your turn in the wilderness?

Show your work.

Section Three:

What five words
ought to be erased or respelled
in order to lift their magic?  

Defend your choices
without attacking others.

Section Four:

A piece of history
is sticking out of your eye.
Define the process
for removing it.  

Section Five:

Is there any room
for mercy in the new world
that has not already been shown
in the present one?

 


A Message From The Invisibles

Do you know me?
Of course you don’t.
I’m the one you never even see —
the tollbooth hand, the help desk voice,
the picker, the sorter, the sweeper,
and someone’s best chance for survival

because they always come for the left behind,
for the overlooked irritations,
for the almost forgotten and the rarely-noticed,

but they never come for the invisible,

which makes me a good choice
to carry your last hope, a place
to put your faith
if you don’t want it crushed.
Bring me into the world you’re
trying to save and
see who I am and what I can do:
in so many ways I already
run your world.

On the other hand
I could
anchor my despair
and rage elsewhere
and carry
bombs from them
to you —

that’s up to you.

Let me in,
lock me out —
one way or another
you’ll see me soon:
my knowing eyes,
my brimming mouth,
my chest afire.


The End Of Days

This world is going to end,
but first will come more rainbows.

The terrible beauty of supervolcanoes
when viewed from space
will likely look like an erupting field
of red and gray poppies.

The best and most startling
sunshine yellow in nature
is found in the dank moist center
of a slime mold.

Enough, enough,
modern prattlers,
supported by your self-referential peers
with affirmation alone
and negation alone;

enough with positivity
and abundance meditation,

enough with pessimistic messiahs
and apocalyptic vision.

Instead, balance your opinion
of the world
on the edge of this well-worn
dagger.

It’s a skilled cutler’s delight,
art made for killing
by someone who
could wring such perfect steel
from earth
and fire,
you just know
he had to be in love
with living
if he could put
such care
into creating this.