Daily Archives: December 27, 2018

Not Getting Over It

I don’t get over it
no matter what it is. It 
invariably looms over
me like some sheer
cliff for more or less time
and sticks in my memory
for longer.

I’ll likely be the same
(more or less) afterward
but shall be 
more defined
by having gone through it,
whatever it is. In the past 

it’s been many different things;
some were steeper
and sharper and cut me 
to form more starkly. 

Whatever it is or will be
I will expect 
pain,
will expect to be modified:

to be made into something
meant to be left behind
as it stalks off 
towering
into my past —

something to be cast off.

I won’t have a chance to get over it
because it will be gone

before I can even try.


Decoding

When among others
work to appear 
to be one of them.
I use words others use,

talk like them, write
like them. Do the subtle
bodyspeak, the gestures,
the moves.

When among others
I sing their song cycles
within earshot;
poem their poetry too.

When fucking though?
My own language, my own 
tongue — and no, not when
making love or even having

sex — those are their words,
not mine; no ruined sensibility
of theirs for me. I speak my singular 
rumbletone hard stop when

in the swing of fucking, speak it
with the Other I’m with, coding and
decoding in the moment
of utterance. Tense agreement,

plural touch. Grammar
of switch upon switch
across skins. Private syntax.
All the cipher we can handle.