Here I am in the morning
with a head full of ricochet
and fragments tearing through.
Or so I imagine because this morning
there was a gun in the news
and all I can do after hearing that
is choose where on my head
I’d put the muzzle if I had one. If tomorrow
there’s a bomb, I’ll be thinking
of putting a bomb in my own belly; if
there’s a knife, I’ll be sticking
myself full of little cuts.
Some people say: Stop watching,
do better. Stop putting yourself
into other people’s skin.
Let them have their own hides
and all that goes with them.
Leave them their space.
Do you, do only you.
Keep to your own lane.
My own lane is a mess
and when I watch the news I seem to end up
that is somehow also my own lane
and I can’t turn off this road
even if I turn off the TV.
I can’t be more sorry
for feeling me and only me:
I only know
two ways to stop it.
One is by writing what you’re reading.
The other is to do what you’re reading about.
Stop making it
Stop centering yourself
in the narrative — believe me, I understand.
All I’m trying to do
is put enough into the center
to cut myself
out of the target for good.