You forget
I was born
and raised
as the always wrong
forever
apology. It can’t
be helped that
I default a
thousand
times a day
to regret and
guilt. Not to say
shame because
with shame I might
correct the
always wrong and
close the forever
apology but
this way I can
boast of my unashamed
malfunctions. I can
be right by always
being wrong. You
forget how potent
such contradictions
can be. The forever
apology as
article of faith, the
always wrong as
myth or miracle,
parable of the guilty
conscience for no
reason. You forget
how long I’ve lived
on this, what a religion
it has been. How large
its god looms. How difficult
apostasy can be to achieve —
how satisfying
the guilt involved in that
might be.