Need

Need to cross
a crazy, busy highway,
twist an ankle getting 
to the other side.
Need to break a window, cut myself,
enter a forbidden place. I miss
that kind of pain — that adventure pain,
that how’d I get here pain –anything but 
this salty wounded routine 
I live now.  I know how this happened.
I know what put me achingly 
here. I know what keeps me
cowering here: the calendar, the clock,
the skull-grin ahead of me I could always see
but far off, far off…Need to invite 
that boneface valet
to come closer. Need to let it
brush me when I reach for ripe fruit
on the farthest, thinnest branch
I can get to. Need once again 
to blow that smiling mistake a kiss
as the bough breaks
and I fall.