Taking a moment.

I’ve made no secret of my mental health issues over the years. I have bipolar disorder II, which in my particular case includes a healthy portion of suicidal ideation that is impulsive, rarely related to my current circumstances, and by now, after thirty some years since my diagnosis, pretty easy to counteract. 

When I’m writing about things like my mood and thoughts of death and suicide, it almost always means that I’m NOT CURRENTLY DEALING WITH THAT.  I write when I have my cycling and moods and impulses UNDER CONTROL. I write about those things in retrospect — for others to read and consider, and because the condition naturally leads me to insights on existential issues like life and death and pain and joy.

You should NOT feel a need to offer advice or encouragement based on reading one of my poems. I’ve been handling mental health crises since I was in my late teens in a wide variety of ways and had multiple meds, therapists, and psychiatrists to help. If the disease kills me (not likely as I’ve got other illnesses that are more immediately dangerous at this stage of life) it kills me.  Such is the way of the world. 

A corollary: my poems are not about “self-expression” — they are neither journalistic nor strictly autobiographical. Please don’t assume I’m reporting real events as they occurred.  I’m a creative writer. I create situations, sometimes based on real life, sometimes created out of thin air, and usually somewhere in between — and then I write.

I pursue truth which only rarely involves strictly capturing and reporting facts. 

It’s a complex balance but one I’ve managed for over fifty years or so. I’m sorry if this troubles anyone, but it’s the path I’m on and have always been on. 

To the point: my output lately has been low because I’m struggling with health issues both mental and physical as well as financial and family concerns. It takes a lot of time and energy and I need to prioritize those things right now. I’ll be back, no worries. 

Thanks,
Tony