Tag Archives: music

Clumsy Blues

When the cat
at last stepped out from under
the bed covers,
she came first
to the dry food dishes
in the border land between
pantry and kitchen,

then into the living room
with half-lidded eyes;
sat down smack in the middle
of the grey rug
looking for all the world
like a reluctant barroom audience

as I picked with
recovering skills 
at the Telecaster
not long ago set aside
for my illness,
my wrecked ability;
only recently taken up again
to bat around
as a cat might play with 
doomed prey.

Unimpressed,
she turned back
to the bedcovers to dream
of blues I’ll never play again —

not in this, the eighth
of my alleged nine lives
that is also the sixth
of hers, that is the last one
of someone else’s allotted haul.

All of this is to say
that when I sit back now,
I sit at my leisure
knowing I’ve not much longer to play.
This cat who will outlast
my last poor song 
can stay under the blanket.
I’ll be there as well before too long,
thinking:

Let me sleep for now.
I’ll be satisfied one day soon.
I’ll have had enough of these clumsy blues.
I’ll set the guitar down for good.


Playing Your Song

Wouldn’t it be nice
to wake up someday
and hear yourself
embedded in a love song
by someone else?

Picture yourself
on your morning commute. It comes up
on the car radio, the plain old radio:
not an oldies station, not a stream
or a CD or God forbid a cassette
or 8-track.

Let it be upon
broadcast — let it be announced
as the smoking new single
at the top of the hour — let it be
so clearly about you sweat through
your clothes.  Let it
handle you roughly 
all the way up the highway.

You walk into the job shining.
Nobody will understand why you
are practically untouchable that day —
you will be too busy trying to listen
to memory and hoping you’ll hear it
on the way home.

Even if
you never do hear it again,
you can from that moment on
choose to believe
that somewhere someone
is playing your song.

That they hum a few bars now and then.
That they remember all the words.

That they wonder if anyone else
knows the words, wonder
if you’ve heard it,
wonder if you know. 


Vaseline Tiger, Mostly Retired

He’s the shit.

One of Bowie’s
original vaseline tigers.
Moving with tide, hiding
his creaks and fears;
a good snake sliding by
on fearsome wholesome
appearance and
remnant style.

He’s the shit
or used to be
and lives for that
more than is safe
for someone of his age,

and surely we should thank
some god
for that.


Bruce Springsteen Has Canceled His Tour

Bruce Springsteen is canceling his tour
because he has a peptic ulcer
I’m canceling mine too 
because Bruce has a peptic ulcer
and if he can’t go on why should I bother trying

I’m pulling back from all my road gigs
in favor of gastric peace and quiet myself
after years of having few fans to speak of
gnawing anxiety that felt like a hole deep within
and a virus-broken voice that’s ready to give out

It’s not like I listen to Bruce much anymore
Though I used to listen to Bruce all the time
I know I’ve seen my last show
Something about pushing it feels wrong to me
You ought to know when something stops feeding you
it’s going to turn around and eat you alive
I’m not saying it’s that way for Bruce
I’m saying it’s that way for me

I don’t read many books anymore
I’m too busy pretending I write them
I don’t listen to much music anymore
I’m too busy pretending I play some
Truth is I’m too busy not bleeding to death
to imagine a world where I’m healthy enough
to keep being a fan of the things that I love
I’m too frantically madly behind the times
and the hole in my gut and the crack in my voice
are too huge to fill when I finally admit it

Bruce Springsteen has canceled his tour
I never made plans to see it
but I’m shocked at myself and who I’ve become
that all I did when I heard
was shrug 


These Latter Days

These days
I can listen to a song
and not like it for itself

(whatever that means — 
for the totality, the wash
of what it is and how it sounds)

but still enjoy it for how
its rhythm guitar snakes around
and under keyboards or how

the drummer’s a touch
behind the beat or what that vocalist’s 
surprising choices do

to amplify the meaning
or meanings if it’s 
“one of those songs

with more than one;” I can dig
its parts while not digging
the whole wrapped package.

This is how it’s been
for years now — digging 
treasures out of dirt

or soil if you prefer; it’s rarely
for joy in the song or singer
that I sit back now and close my eyes.

That is in fact how I take all my joy
in these latter days;
in clumps, in pieces, not as a whole.

It does not lessen
my joy that this is true;
rather, it concentrates my savoring

of what I have dug free
from the world, what
I have unearthed. 

If you see me with my eyes closed 
before the beauty of some ocean
at sunset, please let me be. 

I am here in the now, here to be swept up
in the sound of daylight leaving
with no promise of another day.


Rockstar Dreaming (Telecaster Ghazal)

It’s morning, the morning after playing out.
I wake up couch-locked, cradling an unplugged Telecaster.

Not what I would have wanted, not what I’d hoped for.
But it is still a voice I love here in my arms — a Telecaster.

How far from here back to the broken heart from which I sing?
How far is it to any healing I can wring from this Telecaster?

Left hand defeated, left side numb, neck stiffened and sore — 
right hand? Ready to get back to it, back to the Telecaster.

You’ll hear me one day and say, “shit, that sounds like Tony.”
The song is out there somewhere. I plug in the Telecaster. 


Top Ten Lists

Here, he says,
are the top ten guitarists
of all time — 
right before trotting out
the same damn list
he has used for this argument
since 1977.
No one since 1977
has played the guitar 
well enough to be included,
dontcha know — 

or was it 1967,
surely no later
than 1987?

No matter the year he chooses
it ended back then,
music did. 
It’s never been the same
since then,
dontcha know. Surely 
you know. It’s fucking
obvious or it ought to be.

He has been scolding 
since 1977 
about
the only right way
to play
the only right
brand of guitar,
the one he used to play
when he used to play. 

He’s been talking for years
about how to sing with
just a tinge of blue-white
to the voice
so it sounds darker, 
but most assuredly
not too dark — 
the better, he winks,
to get
the ladies,
dontcha know.

Here are the top ten
riffs of all time. 
Here are the top ten
fingerings of all time.
Here are the top ten
solos of all time.

Here are the top ten
commercial jingles of all time. 

Here are the top ten
imprisonments. 

The top ten screams. 

The top ten numbers
of all time. 

Keep the lists
short and old, 
dontcha know.
Keep the lists trim.

Keep your list,
I’ve got the only one
I need. 

I’m not long for this,
thank God,
dontcha know.

I’m too full of fear.
Don’t make me
count higher. 


Backgrounded

The exact words spoken
that evening are unclear
all these years later

but there was something 
in how you sounded —
that memory has developed

a sheen for me
Like remembered bells of
A carillon in France

Or my ears thrumming
while leaving an arena
after an outstanding concert

So indistinct yet certain
It underpins all speech
and most music now 

I cannot imagine living
without love there, backgrounded
in every moment always

until it is muted 
by my own ending
Not even then perhaps

Perhaps it has existed
throughout the whole moment
of earth’s long endurance

Perhaps it will last
beyond the last moment
of earth’s long existence

Still singing for us
when no one’s left
to hear that sound


The new solo album is OUT.

https://tonybrown2.bandcamp.com/album/songs-from-the-couch

There’s the link to my first and probably only solo album, “Songs From The Couch.”  Out right now on Bandcamp. $10 US dollars.  Not currently planning on putting it out on the other streaming services. 

If you happen to be a member of my Patreon site, I will be happy to send you a code to help you download the album and get unlimited streaming on the site for FREE. 

I’m finishing work on my full length manuscript and then that will be searching for a home…

Starting a new job next week — gave up my business as not giving me enough to live on anymore.  The volume of poems here will likely diminish for a while at least.

Thanks in advance for your interest and support. 

Tony


Vintage

I wonder again
what death will appear
to me when I at last
pass through that door.

Not for the first time,
not for the last. I’d say
it has been a while
since I began to wonder.

so currently I believe
that it will not appear
as anything we have believed.
I think instead it may be

a vintage music video from elsewhere.
Masses dancing, choreographed
guitar trios, sultry glances,
wild hips, incantations.

Let’s imagine it
will be Bollywood — 
Jaan Pehchan Ho ” or 
some wild Italian piece —

maybe that one that’s supposed
to sound like English — 
Prisencolinensinainciusol
something like that. 

It will be deeply familiar
and utterly strange. There will be
so much that feels like 
you saw it last week, 

so much that feels like
it’s never before been seen.
You will puzzle over it
and agitate in its grasp,

until one day it
will fail to mystify and
you will say …”ah…ah…at last…”
and that day will be…finally…

all right.


Wildfire Smoke

Such a haze out there today.
We live in a smoke ring, it seems. 
I hear coughing on the sidewalk;
the roses are still so lovely. 

It seems a shame to stay inside,
but breathing’s a chore right now.
Everywhere people are coughing
but the rose out here are so lovely.

In spite of the coughing
kids are riding their bikes
up and down, up and down;
they are all coughing but acting 
with no care in the world;
the roses are nonetheless lovely. 

It’s getting toward sunset.
Seems a bit cooler. Even my throat
feels better than normal.
The roses remain so lovely.

The kids are still riding
and shouting and laughing 
whenever they aren’t coughing. 
Pretend these kids
have no reason to fear.
The roses remain so damned lovely.


Restrung

My all-consuming problems
converge in this ancient guitar
that sounds barely fine today
Not as fine as it did a year ago

It needs some work just to be solid again
but even now it’s too expensive to repair
The cost will double over time
so it remains here in the spare closet

as a memory of what it used to offer
A reminder that pain can sound like
the strangled tone and sharp chirp
of treble strings 

when they try too hard to respond
to an urgent upstroke 
A request to make it sound like it used to
only makes it more obvious that it can’t

This fragile guitar is past its prime
waiting to explode from the pressure
of being tuned to an accepted idea
of what is right and good and worthy

I restrung it yesterday and played old songs
and thought of new ones I might try
With a softer touch I drew something forth
It briefly felt like music could still live here


If (Mother Of Moons)

revised, original post 2016. revised 2023 prior to setting to music.

If a window opens in a wall
where there has never been a window
and you are standing there at that moment
and watch it open;

if you cannot afterward
describe how it happened, since no bricks
appear to have been displaced
by the appearance of the window;

if no sound accompanied
the appearance of the window, yet
you showed neither amazement nor fear
upon the opening of the new window;

if the opening of the new window seems as normal to you
as the breathing of your newborn;
if you hold your newborn up to the window
to let them see the moon

as if you are holding the moon itself
up to let it shine;
if you look out the window
and observe a maze of walls, windows, light from other moons;

if you recognize that none of the walls and windows
look anything like your own and
the light from the other moons
then changes you;

if you then begin to call yourself
Mother of Moons, knowing at once
you have always been this
yet are naming this for the first time;

if you go out
to seek other windowless walls and
stand in front of them
until they change

then every examined wall shall grow a window,
shall become an entire window,
and the walls will fall as all the windows
spring open at once.


Three Turns Around The Post

I feel best when I take
three turns around the post
to secure the string
to the tuning peg. 
I’ve done fewer, I’ve done more,
but three turns feels to me
to be the best. Two 
makes me worry
I’ve not done enough and
I can’t play on stage
that way even when I 
do the old bend it back
and tuck it under
lock down trick — if you
don’t know what I’m talking about
count yourself lucky
to have never been slapdash
in your insecurity.
Four turns or more and you get
(or I do anyway) what looks more like
an anthill made of bronze
on the peg head — more likely
three or more of them — if you
don’t know what I’m talking about
count yourself lucky
to have never been this sloppy
in your insecurity.  Even when
I get it right I fret about it
being too perfect and 
I’m sure as hell that I missed something 
because doing it well
when everyone can see how it is
is terrifying — more like
a disbelief in my ever being good enough
manifesting as
tying up every loose end perfectly — if you
don’t know what I’m talking about
count yourself lucky 
to have never been
a musician, a writer,
a father, a son — count yourself
lucky to have had all the luck
some of us wish we had. 


Not A Mistake

It’s not a mistake
to reach into
the little you know

of how
a piano
works

to use
a metaphor about
the music

of a felt hammer on a wire
to describe
your own work

How by itself
each sounded note
rings enough for anyone

who hears
to speak of it 
as music

but to truly
let it be all
it could be

these words should
have been sung
by someone better

Then it swats you
across the face
You are the only one 

who could be the type
of better needed 
for your work to be perfect

so sighing
you bend back to it
before sleep and death

hoping one day you sing it
as it should be sung
It’s not a mistake to reach

for perfection past the limit
of your own grasp of the song
It’s not a mistake to try