Fragment: Limo

Limo on the corner
and no one in back. Maybe
there are passengers coming out
of the grey house to get on board
amd go somewhere dreamy

but right now it’s just another car
with a tired driver at the wheel,
working a second job or even a third,
filling in for a drunk cousin
and hating the damn suit and tie.

Casino, strip club, romantic rendezvous for some
means hours of boredom and long chats
on the prepaid cell for another, smoking with another driver
just met as they cool their shiny heels
in the parking lot.

When the privacy screen goes up
and the folks in the back get down to
celebrating, he’ll be all alone up front
and that’s just fine with him: no need to watch
or share or even scold.

After hours
it’s curve upon straightaway as the big ride tools toward
the livery yard; then it’s the Toyota and a blunt
to crush the night into one more
bad tipped, red eyed check mark against the future.


I do not understand how, in spite of years of therapy, meds, and general self-awareness of my faults, foibles, and characteristics, I can still be such a jerk sometimes.

How does one break the habits of a lifetime? When do we truly understand what is habit, what is biology, what is culture and what is ingrained, and how do we ever learn to compensate for what we can and learn to live with what we can’t?

Everytime I get this way I look at myself and see a weak, weak man who has caused more damage to himself and others than can be stomached. I’m not a bad guy, I tell myself, and then I look into myself again and decide that I have no clue about whether I’m a bad guy or not.

People will say that we’re all a mix of things, and I know somehow that’s true; but in the daily course, things seem to play out more often one way or another.

There comes a point when one can no longer hide the fact of one’s own emotional and spiritual decrepitude; but what you do then, I think, is immaterial to the balance of your legacy. In other words, it’s all too little too late.

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The truth is out there

but we’ll never know it.

Do we go on if we can’t know it? Or do we just sink into the daily swamp and let hope go?


Paris Hilton, whose sentence for probation violation was reduced to 23 days for good behavior before she ever got behind bars (I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one), has been released after serving three days.

I mention this only because my head exploded when it was covered as breaking news on CNN.

I pasted it back together, typed this, and now video of her release is being shown on CNN labeled as “New Developments.” This has been followed by actual commentary by the anchors.

The tape just let go, and I’m going back to bed while the epoxy cures. To think that they covered this and not the fact that Bono got a haircut before meeting with the G-8 leaders!

ETA: Oh, Christ. Now they’re holding a LIVE NEWS CONFERENCE and telling everyone that her sentence is back up to 40 days on house arrest with the magic anklet.

More jewelry, in other words.

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Off to work

In beautiful Corning, NY.

Hey, house prices are INSANE here! You can pick up starter homes and fixer-uppers for around 55-70 grand; decent homes with land are 150-220 grand.

Coming from Massachusetts, where you can’t touch anything at all under 200K, it’s an eye-opener.


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I leave for Corning, NY in the AM, leaving behind three funerals and a bad couple of weeks worth of juju for the people around me.

Back Wednesday night. Sorry for missing Gotpoetry again — I may need to surrender my hosting duties if this keeps up.

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Little Dogies

An Angus steer
swung its head around the corner
of the door into the bedroom.
It stared at me, black glass eyes
catching spots of tiny white from the window.

I got out of bed and patted it, it
seemed so calm, smooth hide rippling
under my hand.

I could have slaughtered it and eaten like a king
for months but
when it turned and went out into the yard
through a door I’d obviously
forgotten to lock last night, I followed as far as the porch

and from there
watched it join its herdmates grazing
on the meager back lawn.

I’m no cowboy, I decided then and there,
I’ve got no reason to try and control
such a thing as a herd of cattle that know enough
to visit me when I am at my least warlike.

If I had woken up at some point and realized
that a piece of a dream was presenting itself to me, its neck
and veins exposed, I do not know what might have been:

I might have lived longer and fatter on the leavings,
the marbled flesh, the creamy waxen lines in the red muscle;

but I would never have seen where this came from:
the lawn I had neglected allowing sustenance for mouths
I couldn’t understand except as fodder.

The cattle moved off down the driveway into the street, and all I could do
was wave my hat at them. Git along, I said,
git along, it’s all misfortune here,
and none of your own. Go find another lawn to graze.
I’ll keep the door open for you.


Recently

it’s been like rooming
with a centipede.

hearing all those shoes drop.
wondering how many are left to go.

stepping out of bed
in bare feet.

measuring the odds
of feeling the whisper of thin legs

crossing in waves
over my charged skin.


LJ censorship

I’m accepting LJ’s statement that they screwed up, overreacted, and are trying to repair the problem and ensure that they’ve got a policy in place to keep this from happening in the future.

More as the story develops.


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If you lose your soul in pursuit of an Ideal, you may as well give up.

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Protected: Slow dawning

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I’m going to be away from here for a bit…tired, stressed, crazy over a lot of things; need a break. Ditto Gotpoetry.com; will update Myspace with new shows and stuff, but that’s it.

Back soon.

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Watching the press conference…

Bush, in response to a question:

“Bin Laden is still at large because we haven’t caught him yet…He’s hidin’ and we’re lookin’…He’s not leading many parades, I can tell you that.”

Watching him, I think I might begin to subscribe to the theory that he’s not only dumb but that the stress of the last few years has made him crazy, too. And yes, I’m serious.