An emergency game
of back and forth
as I try to fix myself.

How much I depend upon
the vanity of thinking 
such things.

I still imagine I’m
repairable. I still put it
in writing.  I still put it

out there. An emergency
back and forth, a triage
disguised as tug of war.

Everyone who can see
knows the game i’m playing
and how played out it is,

how I have played myself.
There’s no real emergency
in this back and forth.

The tug of war as always ends with both sides
sprawled and defeated yet
I imagine tomorrow will somehow be different.