Monthly Archives: January 2017

Lifesaver

When I was a lifeguard
there was a shed on the beach
where they kept the tools for lifesaving
and recovery
including

a set of hooks
for dragging the bottom

of the pond
to find a body if all hope
was lost but
I was never taught
to use them 
so I’m currently useless
whenever there is no hope

but I am willing 
to learn

because even if all I can do
is drag and weep
in the aftermath
of what’s coming

I will be willing to learn
for
the willingness to learn
in the face of disaster

is itself
a small but vital
type of
hope


In Contemplation Of A Possible Funeral There Is Precious Little Humor

Funny

he said as he
put white and
cream yellow gardenias
on the headstone
laid flat into the ground
with dirt still fresh around it
from setting it there

Funny

he said without laughing
that the off-whiteness
of some of the flowers
probably would have had
the departed 
shaking mad

Funny

how that struck him
amid everything else going on

To think that whiteness
would have been

mandatory for the one interred here
even in death
even after
such strict adherence to it
was so much a part
of what killed them

Funny


The Gospel According To Saint Synchronous

Born and baptized
more than Catholic,
an excellent student
of the Western canon

who did not realize
until almost too late
how much it had also
blasted into near-dust.

Much was given 
as well of course 
but not enough to fill
certain fissures in

his well of being. Much
not directly stolen
leaked away into
the now-dry walls

as a result and to 
compensate all he had
was binary thought, 
a reliance on self

alone, a single meddling
God; not even a scrap of spirit
to call upon in everyday
objects, animals, flowers.

One day he fell ill and
died to the notion of 
a precious afterlife where
he’d still think and still be himself

and instead struck upon
the idea of floating 
across the divide, and saw
there was no divide between

life and death and next life, and as
his own name fell from him,
he said he would be back, smiling
because he knew it was at once

a truth and a lie and a new
Gospel According To Saint
Synchronous arose that said,
find your deity where you are

and forget
my name
as soon as
you do.

 


Goya’s Rabbit

Originally written when I was in high school in the early 1970s — roughly 1974, if the notebook it resides in is to be believed.
Revised and first posted online, 2010.

Goya drew a rabbit
that began digging 
through walls of sand
to get to you.

It longed for blood,
perhaps because he drew
the incisors
that way.

Great art comes alive,
goes to new places,
ravenous for
the unexpected.

When it comes for you
don’t assume
what you’ve always offered
will be enough to feed it.

That rabbit
became a carnivore
because Goya
allowed for it, understanding

that in spite of what
we’ve been told, the work of
Creation didn’t stop
at the end of a week —

it was merely
turned over
to new
sets of hands.


Singed Eagle

I woke up to
a singed eagle
perched on a limb 
outside my window,

could smell burned feathers
through the glass as if
the bird was still smoldering.
It did not call out or move

once in all the time
I was watching it, but disappeared
silently once I turned attention
to the daily routine;

the smell lingered, clung
to anything it had touched,
so that we could not move
without being reminded of fire.


I Dare Not Speak

I dare not speak
of how snow has not covered us
yet this year. I am trying hard 
to set myself apart

from my usual despair at white,
all white upon everything.
I dare not speak of how
night will soon come

to us, nor will I dare to assume
that it was designed only to conceal
what we love, or how shadowed 
this town will soon become.

I dare not slander. I dare not
praise. I dare not utter any word.
I’ve laden so much upon my words. 
They are beginning to break

as I am, as we are all beginning
to break. The sound of words breaking
in every stressed breath. 
Each word pulled between lie and truth.

Each season, each time of day
open for interpretation. White purity
or poison, dark evil or joy, 
light full of stab and soothe,

dark brimful of peace and strife.
That anyone bothers
to communicate beyond
touch and intimate connection

leaves me breathless. Words
are failing us, falling from our lips
with nothing inside them. To survive
we will have to do more than talk

and when we do speak we
will have to look each other
in the eyes and admit so much
of what we’ve let words cover:

our fears, or assumptions,
all the things we dared to do
from behind them. We will have to act
as if no words existed before this

if we are to remake this silenced world,
and I will be confident with neither praise
nor slander for anything that happens
until that great work is well begun.

Let it snow. Let it be an all white world.
When night comes,
let all the white world
fall into in that gentle dark.

I will build either way,
pushing new words,
like bricks,
into place.


The Task At Hand

You thought it was going to be
slow blues from here to death,

but here you are, fist up
at the edge of the pit again.

You thought these days would be lyric
and pastoral, and instead

you’re back in the narrative, 
hoping surreal hopes.

Upon consideration 
you surrender to it and see

that you’ve always been 
at the mercy of surprise

whenever you thought
things were settled once

and for all. No matter how you try to be
for you, you always let yourself be drawn

back for all and as much as you know
you can’t do otherwise, as much as you know

you’ve never done otherwise, 
you wish it had not fallen to you

to be here one last time —
fist in the air

at the edge of the pit, 
shouting the story of

the dissolved timepieces, the bruised
American hearts you thought you could count on,

because this is such an American tale, isn’t it —
this fable of reinvention, this constant

faux-noble bewilderment at the rush
of circumstance through

your remaining time here. You’re 
no hero, you know — just another

aged-out scene kid praying it makes
a difference when you put your body

and voice into one more time
on one more front line. Understanding at last

you’d do it with no hope at all
because you couldn’t do otherwise

and look at yourself 
ever again. So: fist in the air,

waiting to die, hoping there’s one last
twelve-bar respite ahead of you,

you plunge into chaos
shouting against a bitter end.


Little Wing

This bar band amps
“Little Wing” into an anthem,
and right away it is clear
no one on stage gets it or
ever did — some songs
derive their power from
the silences they carry; witness
the space around the opening
notes Hendrix played, the stand out
“ting” in the first phrase
that highlights it and sets the stage
for what follows. There is something
to be said for unleashed covers of
such songs but one must
understand them first to begin such
delicate rework; here we have
nothing like that.

I am no critic.
I am instead a lonely lover
who wishes only
to hear Jimi sing about her
walking the clouds as I imagine
my distant former love may now be,

so I can only sit here and stare
into the last ring of head
on this sad beer and wish 
for a simple jukebox with 
only the exact versions of songs
I want to hear, much as I wish
only for my former lover —
no new version, no cover —
I will not tilt my head back 
and sing along.


For My Friends

Oh, my friends,

I have been reading your poems
and can see

how little water I have to add
to this sea. I pick up one of

your books, read a page,
put it down. There is no

story I can tell, no insight
I have to offer that is not

trumped by two hundred 
of your own. This is not

complaint but acknowledgment
of how much of my time

has been wasted in
contemplation of my own

need to communicate
private messages that in fact

are no more than common
firecrackers — loud, each mildly effective

on its own, terrible when taken
in their entirety;

all you do is so much more
than what I do and now all I have

is this one story of how I personally
must pass from consideration

now that I have made this 
connection. Oh, my friends,

you have done
all I thought I might do

when I started — yet
I am not envious.  It has

been done and for that reason
I am satisfied to write 

that last tale of how
I am preparing to pass on —

the only one only I can tell,
the only one that rocks only me

upon its slight waves.


Perfect World

in the perfect world
there is a king 
whose breath smells
like John Wayne’s 
plague sweat

in the perfect world
there is a queen
who has moved 
mountains to make
grand graves

in the perfect world
their armies carry
guns of gold and 
can stab you with
a sharp flag

in the perfect world
you are a creamy poster or
a near-white song of victory
a mascot on the sideline
a horse to carry their spoils

in the perfect world
the things they’ve stolen
back them up or lead them
like suicides
off your cliffs

in their perfect world
you are the Elder Race
they call upon to charge
their teams and weapons 
with magic

in their perfect world
they don’t exist
any more than you do
as they are individually lessened
to increase larger perfection


To Love

To love
is to follow darkness
within you toward
its source, is to learn to see it
as shadow caused by light
and not as a scattering
of huge gray boulders
and smaller stones
impeding you. To love

is to see those shadows as 
signposts on your way
to Light, as shapes to be
learned and appreciated
for what they are; not 
to remove them, as they give
you context and heft,

but to step over and around them
or scale them as needed; 
to use them as platforms
from which to view Light
within you.  To love, then,

is to journey across. To
work a path toward.  To keep
a blank map within, and then
to fill it in.