Crisis

I want most right now to stroll
within my own stopped life
and examine what’s in it.
I want my life to become
a museum of itself. Put all 
my relations and friends
in it and think about them 
as they magically stand
absolutely still and still alive.
And do not think for one second
that I consider myself exempt
from such exhibition. I want
to stare at me seated there
in my diorama on my couch
or in my bed and ask every 
grand question I can think of
until I figure me out. This is 
how a near death experience
or astral travel is sometimes
described of course. I do not
believe in astral travel and 
as for being near death that is
nothing new. I have been living
near death for a long time and
this has never happened. It has
always been a fast jumble
with no time to look at anything
very long. What I want is
suspended animation as it is
in science fiction movies where
living simply stops for a second.
Everyone stopped. Everything 
stopped but me while I decide
whether or not I am going 
to step out of frame and not
return to this exhibit and instead
slip at last past death and 
keep going to whatever kinetic
wilderness beckons beyond.