Tag Archives: poetry

Desire

Willingly
suspended
on the pole

Blood-flushed
faux-sweet
like we all have
all the time
in the world

I was born with everything I need
for this Work

of putting self
in abeyance
Of body presented
as message and not
presence or identity

Letting myself
be seen
without betrayal
of who I am

I can be anything I want
in this place where they demand
that I be whatever works

I chose the name I use
for its clowning value

Not all of us have done this
the way I have
but some of us
know very well
what we’ve stripped off
and what remains intact

The money isn’t bad
as a way of keeping score
but it’s not great all the time

On the nights
when it’s bad
I play harder

What I offer
under the guise of sex
is a tug of war
between their power
and mine

where who’s winning is secondary
to the push and pull joy
of this Work

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Gazelle Ghazal

As I dozed off a famous comic appeared to me, holding a baby gazelle
and suggesting that if I took it and cared for it, all would be well.

I lifted her from his arms.  She trembled as she slept; dreaming, as I was,
of the plains of her birth.  She dreamed of running, leaping, living well.

Just a hint in her quaking hide of thoughts of jackal and lion.
A hint that she remembered her lost mother, but in her dream, all was well.

The funnyman was serious for once, no hint of laughter or a cynical eye.
“If you can keep it, keep it wild and safe at once, you’ll be doing well.”

I asked him then, “How can I keep it safe and wild at the same time?
Is this a joke?  You confuse me with this, and scare me as well.”

He locked eyes with me.  “Laugh if you want; I joke about things
that matter.  If you find this scary or strange, consider that well:

a certain amount of fear for that edge you’ll walk is the price of caring.
The steps you take with her should scare you, and you would do well

to know that only by sharing her trembling will you understand
that her path is long and hard, and yours must be as well.”

Then he vanished, and I woke.  The night was not over, not even close.
I tried to sleep but thinking of what this meant kept me from sleeping well.

My broken sleep echoed with his final words: “Tony, this dreaming gazelle
impels you to leap though you know the danger, if you would be well.”

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Fable

Once upon a time

there was a stalk of wheat
that could speak. 
It had a story to tell.
It grew up whispering
of its future as bread,
and when it fell
before the reaper,
before the winnower
and the miller,
it carried its whisper
into the flour and the dough
and the bread
that was soon eaten
by a hungry child. 
The child grew up
with that spare voice inside,
listened to it whisper,
but never let anyone else know.

The child grew
to be an adult, aged,
then one day fell silent
before the gray press of age.

It so happened in those days
that a traveler stopped by the roadside
near where the wheat had once grown
and the once-child had just died.

The traveler
sat down to rest
beneath a tree. 

He grew hungry
for bread,
and approached a small house nearby
to offer a few coins for whatever
might be offered.

The house was abandoned,
but on a table in the kitchen
was a loaf of golden bread. A knife
lay beside it, and the traveler
took up the knife to slice the bread.

A thin voice spoke and said,
“Name this bread Isaac
before you cut.”

The traveler was not unlearned
and knew that voice, knew its story;
also knew that while there was a reprieve
at the end of the tale,
one could not count on that happening
twice. 

He picked up the knife
and shouted, “Isaac, I adore you!”
as he cut deep through the crust.

As he ate,
in a field
many miles away
a new stalk of wheat began
to whisper and grow,
and a weaning child
began to cry for bread.

Moral:

Stories have a way
of finding the thread
they most desire,
and someone will always arrive
at the right moment
to complete it, to change it
and carry it forward,
even when it seems
that the tale will be lost forever.

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“Welcome To Your First Corporate Job!”

It may seem foreign to those who stay at home
and practice their bliss behind closed doors,
but not to you.  The Anaconda Priesthood welcomes you
behind its curtain of jewels and whole cloth

to the church of fascination and deceit
and imminent if not certain death. 
You may stare at each of them (it’s
expected, of course) but not for long,

and do not lock eyes with any one of them
for any length of time, as that will be seen
as an offer of self-sacrifice.  You’re used to that
of course, thinking that time spent

in your bargain basement occult gatherings
has been preparation enough.  Not even close,
novice — those teenagers didn’t have a clue as to
the nature of true menace.  These snakes

mean business, longing for meat
as fresh as they can get it, and you’re
looking sweet and fat.  But that’s what you
came for, of course; here’s the good danger

that you’ve only sniffed at from afar.
There before you, in sharp suits
and big, big bloodlust, sit the serpents
you’ve always wanted to be: their eyes,

their supple lies, their mechanical
calm and unhinging jaws. 
You think you’re ready?  You might be
if you can cool your blood and head

and keep them cold.  Look at them,
fat and ripe and old.  You believe
in every hiss and slither, and your own eyes
are narrowing as you smile back.

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What Needs To Be Said

You were right
to run
from

the mama and the papa
who learned far too slowly
how to right things born wrong

Old nuns
hunched in classrooms
spouting hydra teeth

Thick handed
bosses who offered
honor for slavery

She who was right
for a minute
and stayed for twenty years

The angels who
beat your moods
up and down

That was all long
ago
So many coats and bruises ago

You could stop but
you forget how to stop
They are all still behind you

How are you to blame
for there being no home
that could protect you

And you agree for a moment but then
you say
You could have built such a place

and should have
You knew how
Read enough and knew how

The sick is not excuse enough
The fear not prod enough, apparently
No pride enough to drive you to the effort

So now you are going to pay for this
Glad to pay off the shame of this
Only way to gladness after all of this

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Choose Your Weapon

Choose hand grenade
or horseshoe
if you want to speak
of love to
just anyone. 

If you want
to talk to me, though,
use the longbow;
practice a long time
before you draw;

I’m no broad target
to be bludgeoned
or shattered by
just any old effort
if you want me.

My heart’s small,
tough, and exacting.
Aim carefully and be sure
to still yourself.
You don’t want to shake

when you release
the arrow.  You don’t want
to miss, I don’t want you to miss,
and I don’t stand still for more
than a breath at a time.

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A History Of History

Let’s assume the position,
lay hands on the hoods of our cars,
bless the steel with our fear. 
They’re coming
for us. 
Always the sound of the bees in the air. 
Always the crack of batons
and the hiss of the tear gas. 
Close your eyes
and get right back to the bright red world
full of vigilance we thought we left
on the savanna. 
Hunters are coming,
they’ve got traps and laws, we’re animals
they love to stalk. 
Lay hands on the ground
and listen for the tumbling of their wheel
from miles off. 
Why are we waiting from them
to arrive?
Lay tracks for the distance,
there be giants coming for us,
god-henchmen
as we thought we’d outrun in the past,
we’ve got to run again. 
We’ve got to be smart.
We learned how to make spears
the last time this happened. 
We learned fire
and song
and how to shout directions to each other.
Those ancients had no more smarts than we do,
they just knew a bad thing when they saw it
and believed they could defeat it. 
They created everything there is today
to get away from the crush and the curse. 
Lay your hands on something,
fashion it into defense. 
They’re coming, new hides,
new weapons, new uniforms,
still the same old saber-tooths,
the same old giant bears
who thought we were made
for their survival needs, and
we’re still the same old prey that got away,
so pick your hands
up off your cars,
turn off the deadening TV
that keeps you from hearing,
talk to the neighbors,
talk to each other,
talk to me,
talk yourselves into the battle,
they’re coming,
it’s nothing new
and nothing we haven’t defeated
a thousand times
a thousand times,
get up, fight, remember
you’re still the One
who got up
off all fours
and looked the Hunters
in the eyes
and made
the first ever Political Statement:

“No, not this time.”

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Remembering Jimmy Marvin

“The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones.”  — William Shakespeare, “Julius Caesar”

Jimmy Marvin died
on a railroad track
where he’d passed out
after one last night
of fighting and drinking,
drugging and pissing
people off. 

No one would let him
crash at their house that night,
since he’d broken so much furniture
and burned down every bridge,
so he slept where he fell,
and the train cut him in half.

Once his fire
had been smothered
and all that was left
was the charred surfaces
he’d roared over
in his race to burn,
it was easy to forget
that there had been light
around him, too,
in the times I saw Jimmy
share his smokes or beer with us
in the moments before he became
his normal night time raging self,
swinging wildly
on friend or stranger alike
at imagined slights, pushing himself
on girls he’d just met,
and all his blind inattention
to the rules of keeping safe
and sane.   

Whenever
his name is mentioned,
his friends point
only at what was destroyed
and shake their heads.
It will likely stay that way
for as long as he’s remembered.

There’s something to be said for that, say
all the immoral immortals;
better to burn out than it is to rust,
burn the candle at both ends, etc.,
and don’t take much care as to who
loses skin in the process,
as long as it’s not you.

Do unto others,

then split; when in doubt,
freak out — things
Jimmy always said
before he turned up dead,
and I can remember those lines
better than I can
his jokes.  Nonetheless,
eventually we just let him die out there
on the tracks,
but we have not forgotten him,

no matter how hard we’ve tried.

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The Meaningless Goal

Onward to
a Meaningless Goal —
upon death,
to be recognized for
most toys,
best artist,
most tragic figure,
grayest beard,
longest torture session —

whatever.

They’ll surely put roses on
your chest either way.  That’s
The Big Prize —
a well adorned corpse.

Onward then into
the night, collecting
markers all the way.

All you ever are
in the end is your leftovers,
and all you can hope for is that they will feed
those left wanting in your wake.

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Nearing The Far Bank

Seeing you slip
toward fiction

your firm arms
becoming a memory
nestled in your softening brain

fearfully opening
the book of myths
to see yourself there

I keep reminding myself
that myth is strong
and fiction rules the hours

between dark and light
I want to remind you too

but there’s already so much water
between my side of the River
and the one you are approaching

all I can do
is wave after you
hoping you’ll turn back to see

how deep
into the myths
I am already planted
how strong the story
you’ve left me to live by

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Poem For Bud

Memorable dog
that you are, pissing
on your trees,
lying down in prime sun to sleep,
offering a belly for my comfort
when I need to touch living flesh,
alerting on the slightest triviality
and reporting it to all:
“THERE! THERE! THERE! THERE!”

I”m going to miss you
one of these days, I know
that already.  No way we’ll
spend the rest of our time
together, bud; you’ll go on
before me, you and your
signal tail and fresh eyes
on things I’ve long ignored.

I’m sure I’m going to see you
when I get there, wherever
it is. There will have to be things
I need to see, or will want
to see.  Bud, I’m counting on you:

wait for me, just like you do now,
and shake a tail when you see me;
roll around in front of me
and then leap up like your old
puppy self and point me
toward the good stuff, the bad stuff,
all the stuff; tell me all about it, Bud,
with a sun drenched yelp of
“THERE! THERE! THERE! THERE!”

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Please

Please,

will you kiss
a highway through
the marshes
around my head and
open what has been closed?

Will you plunge
your learned fingers
through to my core
and coax that shadow
out into light and heat?

Will you please
soak my bones
in acid and make them
writhe? It’s been so long
since they tripped,
felt anything except
their dark muscle blanket,
their tendon tethers
holding them to
prescribed paths.

I’m not lonely
so much as empty,
not empty so much as
clueless as to what
fills me.

So please,
come and throw
corn meal on me
the way you’d dust
a warm but incomplete loaf
of good bread. 

Come
in my eyes and wash them
the way you’d flush out
a poison;
the only floods they’ve ever known
are their own. 

Bring me
to completion,
to myself.  Please,
teach the stunted parts of me
a lesson about how to
surge, grow,
and fly.

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Slam Poem To Learn And Sing #3: Identify This

Being biracial in America
isn’t new
and neither is the fact that
America doesn’t like me
I am split
so America doesn’t like me
Because I do not fit
America doesn’t like me
Half of me is one thing
Half of me another
One file folder won’t do the trick
so America doesn’t like me

I’ve read the history
It’s all about figuring out where to fit
Ever since we dumped that 3/5 rule
we’ve forced everyone to fit
through blood quota and careful record keeping
through skin and eye and cheekbone check
through legislated confirmations of all of the above
we’ve eliminated “all of the above”
as a check box category
so America doesn’t like me

I’m not calling out black or white
Or red or brown or yellow
Stupid simple labels that say nothing
Color fields don’t tell the tale
of growing up with one foot in one grave
and one in the other
and the best explanation
of why America doesn’t like me
is that in a country built on bipolar thinking
folks like me scare everyone
They make up stories to cover the fear
“You look like this, you must be this”
Oh, America will not like me
when I say that being split creates a new whole
and a new hole in the armor of convenience
Here’s the secret of that new whole
(America doesn’t like me
for saying this
but it needs saying)
It’s not some living thing, this America
It’s just another box
Everyone’s got a box they call America
and they’re either in it or they’re out of it
and every box called America
looks different from every other American box
Someone keeps building these boxes
and makes us think we need them
But I think they’re made from the same stuff
the emperor wears
in that fairy tale
No boxes at all when it comes down to it
except the ones the con men built and talked us into
and it’s going to take someone like me
or a lot of someones like me
Someone the rest of you call half and half,
mutts, breeds, mixed bloods,
crossblood interruption in the boxing of us all
to say that the boxes aren’t real

and America may not like me for that
but standing here with both feet solidly
nowhere near a box
and my mouth wide open
I like me just fine

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The Weight Of Suck

When the suck
envelops the evening,
suck back your breath
and hold on. 

If you fall
under the weight of suck,
suck in your gut
and hold still.

In the whistle
of the suck, listen
for the song
behind it.  Suck

lasts a long time
but at some point,
it will end.  Suck
is one end of a total breath.

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Slam Poem To Learn And Sing #2: The Ribcage Epistle

1.
In common medical jargon, the combined bones of the thorax that enclose the heart and lungs are called a “ribcage.”

2.
The ribcage was first described as such in the writings of Henri de Vessallo, a learned butcher of the Middle Ages.

3.
Henri, I wish I was with you now:
we’d break ribcages together, create
new metaphors for the bars of bones
that enclose the freedom of breath and blood;
we’d speak together and maybe share a sandwich
if we could, and I would name that too, stealing thunder
from that yet-to-come insufferable Earl,
another dead white man stealing my thought
before I had the chance to be known for it; then again,
I’d call it a sandwich because that’s how learned it
at my mother’s knee, and here we are again, Henri —
in the prison of the Earl’s naming —
are you getting all this?

4.
Certain hallucinatory drugs, in the hands of an experienced shaman, may melt the ribcage altogether and leave the body so flexible that it can pass through its own third eye.

5.
Shaman, meet Henri
who is munching his sandwich as we speak,
eating the oppression of naming.  Forget him,
he belongs to the stanza before last.  You and I
will now go hungry, swallowing the ayahuasca’s fire
and traveling then into the mouth of the dragon,
plummeting like insult down his throat until we decide
to go into his blazing lungs — and what’s this,
up here, surrounding his coal-hot heart, his furnace
of agony, but the same old bones holding him safe —
is this a ribcage, dammit?  I thought
we’d gotten away from this.

6.
The ribcage of a roasted chicken, when boiled for soup, will dissolve and free the space inside.

7.
So, back at Henri’s place,
we’re sitting around, the three of us
(the shaman having returned with me, demanding
a sandwich, calling it “the meat book of eating”)
and imagining new words for things.  I say I shall call
the dragon’s skeleton “the twin bone ladder of the chest,”
but Henri thinks that’s ridiculous.  “Call it a damn ribcage,
everyone else does, stop being such a damn poet,”
says Henri.  The shaman says, “Is there any soup
to go with this meat book of eating?”  “We call that
a sandwich,” I tell him.  “Like the Earl of Sandwich?”
asks the shaman.  “Yeah, just like that,” I respond.
“Ah, pity — he is going to be such an asshole
once he’s born and grows into it,” he sighs.
And Henri looks around for something else to label
with a perfectly good and logical name,
while I am impaled on the jealousy in my chest
that hides there, imprisoned in my —

dammit.

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