I’ll get blunt this time:

I perceive that there’s a qualitative difference between the way the deaths of brown people are treated and the way the deaths of not so brown people are treated — both in the media and in the larger public consciousness.

I think this may contribute to a difference in perception between brown skinned and not so brown skinned Americans about this war.

I think the long history of government involvement in/winking at the harrassment/deaths of brown activists and community leaders is part of the reason that some folks are so quick to see possible government involvement in the Berg killing — the timing being so suspiscious and all in its ability to pull critical spotlight off the Abu Ghraib situation.

Of course, I could be fulla shit. What do you think?

And please — a little more logic and less drama, folks?

I deleted the journal entry that asked about the beheading.

I did this honestly because I was tired of the debate. We had reached a point of no return, and there was heat being generated but very little light.

For the record, there are too many dead people in the world for us to not pick and choose who we reserve our sorrow and outrage for; but we ought to recall that the difference between a terrorist and a soldier, an innocent victim and collateral damage, a righteous cause and an unjust one, frequently depends on where you stand in relation to the deaths you’ve chosen to mourn.

Enough. Enough. Enough.

I inadvertently deleted the subsequent one about race in relation to the issue. That was just dumb. I’ll try and recreate it, or y’all can just jump in…

I deleted the journal entry that asked about the beheading.

I did this honestly because I was tired of the debate. We had reached a point of no return, and there was heat being generated but very little light.

For the record, there are too many dead people in the world for us to not pick and choose who we reserve our sorrow and outrage for; but we ought to recall that the difference between a terrorist and a soldier, an innocent victim and collateral damage, a righteous cause and an unjust one, frequently depends on where you stand in relation to the deaths you’ve chosen to mourn.

Enough. Enough. Enough.

I inadvertently deleted the subsequent one about race in relation to the issue. That was just dumb. I’ll try and recreate it, or y’all can just jump in…

at lunch, then, back to work.

SPEAK is cancelled for this evening.

More later.

Please spread the word.

thanks.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

10:15 AM —

OK. Don’t worry; it’s not because of my condition. It’s because of a last minute conflict in schedules that’s going to make it impossible to get the key to anyone who can open up.

We could use a break anyway, I think.

We’ll be back with “electricity” on May 26th.

Have a good one.

Just reacting, y’all…

NEWS CONFERENCES

When the President says, “these pictures are not
the America I know,” I believe him in spite of
the crows that have slipped into the air above him,
that flew out of his mouth wanting
someplace cleaner to land. What America does he know,

they are thinking, circling Marion, circling Leavenworth,
Sand Creek, Vieques, Wounded Knee? What country does he know
that is free of hoods and electrodes, forced sodomy,
humiliation? That would be a great place to land,
they think, soaring out over the face of the flood.

When the President says, “These acts were perpetrated by
a few soldiers who will be prosecuted to…” , we know the rest:
the snakes drop from his lips and slide over his feet, tingling and venomous;
we’ll see small trials and big cameras
with someone bowing and scraping before them; and soon after, nothing

will happen. Somewhere a dove finds a tree
to land in, but something must have gotten there first;
there are big black feathers everywhere, shit covers the limbs,
bones in the droppings point to small violence repeated again and again;
there’s not a crow to be seen.

When the President says he knows he is right, I know he is telling
the truth. He can afford to be, in his world of crows and snakes
where no one is tortured who doesn’t deserve it, where he can shake his head
at people being people. “These are bad guys,” he says. He’s right.
War can do that: the love of country and home

makes bad guys of us all. The soldier smells Iowa in the fear-sweat of his charge
as he clips the wires onto the scrotum. The terrorist dreams of sheep and green pastures
in the light of burning towers. The crows steal the eyes from the bodies
that have been left behind. The snakes curl through ribcages and skulls. The waters are rising
higher all the time. The President is sure he’s got it right.

Just reacting, y’all…

NEWS CONFERENCES

When the President says, “these pictures are not
the America I know,” I believe him in spite of
the crows that have slipped into the air above him,
that flew out of his mouth wanting
someplace cleaner to land. What America does he know,

they are thinking, circling Marion, circling Leavenworth,
Sand Creek, Vieques, Wounded Knee? What country does he know
that is free of hoods and electrodes, forced sodomy,
humiliation? That would be a great place to land,
they think, soaring out over the face of the flood.

When the President says, “These acts were perpetrated by
a few soldiers who will be prosecuted to…” , we know the rest:
the snakes drop from his lips and slide over his feet, tingling and venomous;
we’ll see small trials and big cameras
with someone bowing and scraping before them; and soon after, nothing

will happen. Somewhere a dove finds a tree
to land in, but something must have gotten there first;
there are big black feathers everywhere, shit covers the limbs,
bones in the droppings point to small violence repeated again and again;
there’s not a crow to be seen.

When the President says he knows he is right, I know he is telling
the truth. He can afford to be, in his world of crows and snakes
where no one is tortured who doesn’t deserve it, where he can shake his head
at people being people. “These are bad guys,” he says. He’s right.
War can do that: the love of country and home

makes bad guys of us all. The soldier smells Iowa in the fear-sweat of his charge
as he clips the wires onto the scrotum. The terrorist dreams of sheep and green pastures
in the light of burning towers. The crows steal the eyes from the bodies
that have been left behind. The snakes curl through ribcages and skulls. The waters are rising
higher all the time. The President is sure he’s got it right.

New meds/dosages kicking my ass tight now, so don’t expect much…

900 MG Lithium (unchanged)
40 MG Prozac (doubled)
50 MG Seroquel ( new — heavy duty anti-psychotic; in this low dose, designed to stop the mania that’s keeping me up nights)

I feel like a zombie. But I took today off and wrote. That was good.

More when I can focus.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

12:30 AM: guess what?

It ain’t working. Shit.

I took a whole pill on Saturday night and slept for 18 hours (thus explaining why I didn’t make it to Asylum semifinals).

Shit again.

I’d like to be more eloquent, but I think that sums it up better than any poem at this point.

New meds/dosages kicking my ass tight now, so don’t expect much…

900 MG Lithium (unchanged)
40 MG Prozac (doubled)
50 MG Seroquel ( new — heavy duty anti-psychotic; in this low dose, designed to stop the mania that’s keeping me up nights)

I feel like a zombie. But I took today off and wrote. That was good.

More when I can focus.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

12:30 AM: guess what?

It ain’t working. Shit.

I took a whole pill on Saturday night and slept for 18 hours (thus explaining why I didn’t make it to Asylum semifinals).

Shit again.

I’d like to be more eloquent, but I think that sums it up better than any poem at this point.

Another day with next to no sleep.

Zero Point Zero is up; first part of a two parter on getting started on a poem. The second part will be the real meat of this, to be honest with you.

That’s about it. Congrats to all my buddies on Providence and Urbana. I’m outie.

Another day with next to no sleep.

Zero Point Zero is up; first part of a two parter on getting started on a poem. The second part will be the real meat of this, to be honest with you.

That’s about it. Congrats to all my buddies on Providence and Urbana. I’m outie.

In an effort to ensure victory, Bush cans a couple of key players: Rumsfeld, Richard Myers, maybe Colin Powell (who will likely leave after the first term anyway).

Once the troublesome few whose “mistakes” led to the Iraqi quagmire are gone, Bush can claim it’s evidence of his leadership and thus advance his profile as the “leader” needed for the struggle ahead.

He might even — get this — do it by admitting that “mistakes have been made,” and use the firing(s) to show his willingness to correct them — without scrapping much of the actual framework of the near-Fascist cabal around him.

I bet that would gain him a few percentage points.

Get Cheney to step down for “health reasons”, put Giuliani in his place, and Iraq and roll is here to stay.

In an effort to ensure victory, Bush cans a couple of key players: Rumsfeld, Richard Myers, maybe Colin Powell (who will likely leave after the first term anyway).

Once the troublesome few whose “mistakes” led to the Iraqi quagmire are gone, Bush can claim it’s evidence of his leadership and thus advance his profile as the “leader” needed for the struggle ahead.

He might even — get this — do it by admitting that “mistakes have been made,” and use the firing(s) to show his willingness to correct them — without scrapping much of the actual framework of the near-Fascist cabal around him.

I bet that would gain him a few percentage points.

Get Cheney to step down for “health reasons”, put Giuliani in his place, and Iraq and roll is here to stay.

Was more random statements than a coherent message.

At least, it was meant to be.

Wasn’t it?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe my shrink is right — maybe I do still have issues about 9/11 that I haven’t dealt with.

I had dreams for the first time in ages about Ground Zero — and I realized, I think, why I can’t talk about having been there.

I keep coming back to Lovecraft: his insistence on speaking of the evil of R’yleh as being manifest in the way the architecture looked, how perspectives and angles were off in ways that the human mind couldn’t comprehend and therefore were prone to induce madness.

And I think that’s what I get from my memory of Ground Zero: the idea that facing it will induce madness.

That and the fucking smell.

I can’t use Lovecraft’s tongue to speak of this without trivializing — and yet, that’s where I keep going.

Jesus.

Was more random statements than a coherent message.

At least, it was meant to be.

Wasn’t it?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe my shrink is right — maybe I do still have issues about 9/11 that I haven’t dealt with.

I had dreams for the first time in ages about Ground Zero — and I realized, I think, why I can’t talk about having been there.

I keep coming back to Lovecraft: his insistence on speaking of the evil of R’yleh as being manifest in the way the architecture looked, how perspectives and angles were off in ways that the human mind couldn’t comprehend and therefore were prone to induce madness.

And I think that’s what I get from my memory of Ground Zero: the idea that facing it will induce madness.

That and the fucking smell.

I can’t use Lovecraft’s tongue to speak of this without trivializing — and yet, that’s where I keep going.

Jesus.