Close My Eyes Listening

Settling down with music
from the past and it seems so foreign,
feels so enemy —

I’ve closed my ears to so much
even these familiar notes
are starting to cloy and spoil

as if they are past their date.
I’d shut down if I could hope
to start up again but underneath

is a bubbling fear, a whisper within
that it wouldn’t work and I’d be left
in a horror void, vacuum of a world.

Yes, I could shut down, could dig into it
and not-sob with gratitude. But why bother?
Instead, I close my eyes. I try not to listen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T