Highlight, Lowlight

Highlight of the day:
the moment
before waking

Lowlight: waking, then
the low-uttered “dammit”
that follows opening my eyes

Falling back to sleep
is a cheat almost as bad
because I will have to wake up again

I’m not saying
this categorization
will last forever

I’ve had the disorder too long
not to know better
but at the same time

it’s so tiring to be
so selfish about my own discomfort
at my continued breathing

Shameful as any scandal
in the face of this horrid world
that’s cracking now 

is the notion that I 
matter enough to be
my own focus

when truly no one
cares about what I do unless
it advances the cause

of dignity and equality
for all
even for the mood-crazed millions

like me who are
dying from
imbalance

That is why 
I am ashamed to wake up
and feel so disgusted at my being

that I cannot move
without stumbling over and mumbling
about my inadequacies

I’ve had it better than most
and I seem so trivial to the world’s spin
that my own issues are afterthoughts

The highlight of my day
is unconsciousness 
The low point is when it ends

Everything in between
is a burden drawn out
for one more day

in a lifetime
much longer
than necessary

If you find this 
selfish and contemptible
you are not alone

If you read this
shake your head and 
mutter “dammit” 

then we are family
cousins in arms
against this waste