I close my eyes upon the world
wishing that it could be for good,
but I have things left to do and no one
can do them for me —
I have said that
so many times
I must hold myself to it.
If there’s no world here
when I wake up, I will
stretch my arms out and
take what I find in first grasp
and make a new one with it —
now I’ve said it, I must
hold myself to it; even if
I am unwilling to build
an entire world from
scraps and pieces I am now
obligated.
If there’s a world there,
a different one or one slightly the same
as the old, I reluctantly promise
to come back in —
there, now I’ve said it.
I should
hold my tongue more.
I should. I don’t like this feeling —
promising myself into pain —
but it’s a habit now, this
eyes-open thing, this
reluctant survival.
