“Boy Genius”

you hurl “boy genius” at me
like it might still be the dagger
it was when I was young

nowadays it’s more of a big stone club
I don’t bleed as much at once
but there’s so much more broken inside

back then it felt like unalloyed jealousy
now I get the aftertaste of carnival
with a note of freakshow — so you should know

that “boy genius” hasn’t worked out so well
it’s been a lot like walking the carnival ground
after it’s gone and trying to stop a memory

of ghost bells and whistles
and undead cheesy organ tunes
from smothering me

when you use those words like that
I see your loathing and raise you tenfold
putting all of my own into the pot

knowing that
like all good carnival games
this one’s rigged