Tag Archives: poems

No Names

Definition
of a name:
what holds us
in place
while we’re polished
faceted
made shiny

acceptable facsimiles
pulled out of our
rough and ready true shapes
presented
as honest selves

Names
ought to be given up

I’ll be you
You be me
We’ll fuck them up
by not being
what’s expected of us

as we sit in settings
made by others
to show us off
as gems
of the art of
artificial beauty

That makes us lies

Lying world
makes us up as we go along
and we do the shining
from our cut up selves

End this
anonymously
Give up identity
Don’t let them make you
your own alias

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Finding Religion

we cobble
faith
together

from the odd street-Christian tract
comic books
snatches of poems
random lines from TV

slip it into our thin wallets
as if
it could feed us

and starve while we imagine ourselves
well-fed

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Love Songs Of The Ordinary

The love songs of the ordinary
can be heard in the cattails
that intrude in the ditches
of the roads between the town
and the city.  That thin whistle
and shattering rattle
are all you need to know
about how we find each other,
setting up housekeeping
where everyone can see
and no one will notice. 

When the exemplary
drive past us, we just stand,
moved a little perhaps in their wake,
but holding fast to the ground
in places they would never think
to build upon. We sing there
the way they think they sing,
but we know better
as we fray and burst and
spread our seed,

and we’ll be here when they’ve gone by us
rushing to the homes built on solid ground
that they’ll abandon in search of a better place,
a place they’ll find and lose again
while we and our ordinary
sit by the road and sing
and watch them pass.

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Et Cetera

Let us lie
and say we are unhappy
with our lives: the lack of money,
the unrelenting longing for
love/sex/contact, our voices unheard,
thoughts unacknowledged,
et cetera.

Let us lie and say we want
a colorless
world.  That we imagine our groups
catapulted over the walls
into erasure, imagine heritage
a myth. Imagine the lies
we could tell ourselves
about no boundaries, total freedom,
and other things: et cetera.

And so, forth
into the breach we make
by rejecting the fact
that most of us struggle
to stay alive,
wishing to preserve
the lives we have or make them
better, not to transform them
int other lives, or lose our current selves
to perfection:

let us lie and say
no part of us is happy
to be what we are now.  Let us lie
and say we desire to be
not ourselves, when the truth is

that all we want is to be
is exactly as warty and prejudiced
and venal, etc., as we are now,
that all we want

is an easier way
to be those things.  We’re happy enough
to know what we want because we have it already,
just not enough of it,
not all the time,
et cetera.

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Check out the Reverbnation site…

Just posted all eight of the rough mixes of the re-recorded “Jim’s Fall” suite on the Reverbnation site…still some post production to do, but thought I’d get them up there for a bit. In order as we usually perform it when we do the whole thing live. Enjoy.

Click on the “Tracks” link above to get to the site!

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Unfinished Poems

Two in particular,
two not yet in fact
even begun,
should be finished
before
I claim to be
finished,

but it won’t happen.

I imagine this is a form
of grief I’m feeling,
distantly akin to seeing
your children die,
or to imagining clouds
meant to bring rain
that will never even form.

When
I think of all of you
who will not know
how these two would have been
Great Round Pegs
in the Great Round Holes
of your understanding of me,
of my understanding of myself,
of things I’ve seen,
the explanation
of how I worked and what you meant
to how I worked, perhaps even
engendering
some kind of forgiveness:

yes, it is a form of grief I am feeling.

I”ll let them go.

Someone will do it.
Not for me,
but because it will need doing.
Because they’ll know the need to do them.
Because my name is unimportant to the doing.

Because I am not the sole purpose
of being, because they will be
regardless –

this is a form of relief
I am feeling.

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Tool

Chisel
calm, aware
of his own edge
but having nothing
to strike him and
make him cut,

he sat there
looking around
at conversations
he thought stupid

until the time came to go home
and return to his sharpening
in the dark.  His edge
was brittle in no time.

God, he cried,
you’re a lazy craftsman.
Take me up, Lord,
and let me make a groove
in your dumb wooden world.
I need a smiting to act
as I have been forged to act.

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Blues For A Relic

Born in New Jersey
around 1925 or so,
certainly no later than 1930
by the style of her yellow label.
Scarred and battered,
solid spruce and solid birch —
no plywood here —
repaired cracks,
stained face,
pitted and cranky tuning pegs,
a matchbook shred filling in
the nut on the first string
to keep it from buzzing;
one bridge pin
new white ivoroid,
the rest original black pearwood
with mother of pearl caps.

None of that is important.

What’s important is how easy she is to read
when you understand
the scrubbed bleaching
under the high frets that says
blues
,
the rubbed out tale
written on the back
of the steep V profile
of the still-straight
railroad track of the neck
that wails
blues
,
I sang the blues
my whole life.

I keep her close,
always within reach,
never in a case. 
She still sings
old and clear,
balanced and knowing,
though I can’t make her cry
the way she must have cried
in someone’s hands
for the better part
of her life —

for there must have been a better part
than this one, finding herself
with me and my amateur hands,
me with my own dents and marks,
my own damages, some repaired
and some still raw and shaking.
We work together and sometimes
it almost feels good when I set her aside
and figure we can try again tomorrow,
starting from where we left off.

She’s got forty years on me at least
and still as strong as ever.
I keep her close, with her promise
that maybe you can’t be satisfied,
but you can still keep trying.

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At The Reunion, Joe The Hammer Buys Me A Beer

When you’re
a hammer, he said to me,
everything looks like a nail,
and that’s how you approach
every problem:
sometimes you drive it in,
sometimes you pull it out.

I wish, a lot of the time, he said,
that I’d been born
a precision screwdriver.
I wish I’d been made for details,
been a writer like you.  But I wasn’t.
I was a hammer. I did
framing twenty years,
had my own business the last ten.
I slammed
and yanked and banged my thumb
a lot.  I never did the painting
and wallpapering, though I did drywall
when I had to,
never liked having to finish things
the way others wanted them, I figured
that was their job.

You, he said, you got
to do all the cool stuff,  you got
to write and travel,
make stuff up, fine tune
and change things
a little bit here and there.
 
No complaints,
he said, I just wonder sometimes
what it would have been like,
so what’s it like?

And the Hammer
slapped me on the back

as I peeled the label
off the bottle
and studied
my nervous,
unmarked hands.

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The Towns Between New Haven And New London

I humbly beg forgiveness
(not for the first time, not
for the last) of the towns between
New Haven and New London
that are strung along 95
like green pearls on a black string,
for again I have forgotten your names.

Last night it was very late
and very wet, the four of us had been talking
but by then the other three were sleeping and
it had become all about me driving,
Parliament blaring, cigarette after cigarette
flaring, New York in the rear view
and home still some hours ahead;

there was no room in the car
to hold you as well.  Put simply,
I was trying not to die
in transit through you, not that any of you
wouldn’t be a good place to die, I’m sure —

but that honor ought to be reserved
for those who know and love you,
you don’t need a car full of transients
littering your morning headlines.

So forgive me.  You deserve more
than a mention here, ought to be
destinations in your own right,
and someday I hope I’ll make that right.
But last night, you were just distance to be covered,
just white letters on green signs breaking my trance,
and none of you were either
the good thing I was leaving behind,
or the home I was longing to see.

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Scenes From Geppetto Town

A day starts,
almost always,
with sirens before dawn.

Citizens can tell what’s what:

the ambulance variation
means
someone’s sick, wounded, or dead;

the fire truck clang blare rumble
means
trouble bigger than personal trauma;

the police oscillation
means
any or all of the above,
means someone’s getting a little visit
from the Blue.

I know enough of crown tags and colored beads
to know the Latin Kings
hold some neighborhoods
close.   Elsewhere there are crews
who run their own blocks;
I don’t know who they claim to honor,

mostly it seems like
there are a lot of guns out there
going off
with no direction.

“Worcester” is the formal name.
“Wormtown” is what ex-punks of a certain age call it.
I’ve heard it called “Wartown” once or twice,
but it’s never caught on.

Whenever I light
another far-too-expensive cigarette
I want to call it
“Geppetto Town,”
full of cold wooden boys
wishing they were real men.

There’s a stone circle downtown
that commemorates World War I.
It’s got this highbacked granite bench
running around the circumference.
If you sit on one end and whisper,

a person sitting on the other end of it
can hear you as if you weren’t
fifty feet away. 
Like the rest of the city,
I don’t know
exactly how it works
but it does, and very few people
even know about it.

The city’s voice: dissonance
and fairy dust
hissing down, filling potholes.
Crinkled fenders
rattling with imaginary grandeur,
and the stretching sound a nose makes
when it’s growing out of all proportion
as it speaks with equal passion
of its faults
and its glories.

Oh, more about the Blue:

shaves and crew cuts
who ask “are they white or black?”
about the people they’ll be seeing
before coming out
to the frantic domestic violence call.

We have lovely
turn of the century lamps
on our street.
Half work and half don’t
on any given night. 
We don’t complain:
at least there’s some light
to run by.

Geppetto
shares the belly of the Great Fish
with Jonah and my cousin Tony,
all of them writing feverishly
in the dark.  Outside
there’s a monster storm.  No one
mentions it, they’re pining so hard
for home
that the thought that this might be
as good as it ever gets,
or that the journey to a better place might be
horrible,
doesn’t come up.

Over in the far corner
by the duodenum,
another false boy’s doing
unspeakable things to a turtle
who looks either thrilled or terrified
but because he’s not real,
we can’t ask him.  Everyone is upset
that he’s so brazen.  No one
looks away.

Wormtown,
Wartown,
Worcester.  Say them soft,
it’s almost like praying:

dearest Fairy Godmother,
we
really,
really,
really

want to be real.

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Rebuttal

I have this periodic urge
to fire a gun
Wrap my hand around it
Squeeze the trigger
Make something happen
close up
or at a distance

See my actions
have an immediate effect
Be able to measure
my impact and skill
directly in the moment
of result

Ever fire a handgun?

It’s lovely to feel
the kick of a pistol
in your hand
and to know
how dangerous you are
in that moment
So much is possible

even
your own exit
which is why
I don’t own one now
and may never own another

but the desire to pull out that stop
and make the smutty music roar
is so strong now and again

How lovely we make
the tools of completion
How desirable
the workmanship
How calm the heart
when cradling such a baby
in your jerking and impatient
hands
thinking of departure

so why do I stay
when
honestly

I don’t love
life

it’s because I do love
those who make me feel
as though it’s worth another try
at living with love for it
and all its fascinations

This afternoon I saw
a tiny slug’s fine line
drawn behind its body
across the sidewalk

a history of where it had been

I thought it was a trail of slime
but then a friend pointed out
how from the right angle
it shone

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Pacifism

I never claimed to be a pacifist

believe there’s a time for a fist
and a time for an open hand

although it’s a belief
I’ve practiced mostly in theory

since I got big enough
and frowny enough
for people to believe I might
go off
for no discernible reason

truth is
there was a time
that was more true
than it is now

hints of that history
have contributed
to many years of relative calm

so I don’t think
that’s a bad thing
when I consider
how it’s served me

how far away people stand
from me

how little I pretend to care

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Empty Rooms

Every room’s empty now.
All the furniture’s gone.
All of our stuff is out of here.
Nothing in any room.

You smirk and say, well, they’re full of air.

That’s cheating, I say.
We don’t think of air as a filler.
You don’t get a pass for that.

You say, you should try and think that way.
If a boat sinks, it’s full of water.
We pump a raft full of air so it will hold us.
Why aren’t these rooms full, then?

Because, I say, air isn’t like that.

You say, this is a glass half empty, half full thing, isn’t it?
You always were a pessimist.

I say, No wonder we didn’t — and then cut myself off.
Screw it, I say.  Not worth it.
Can we at least agree that there’s nothing left here for us to move?

But you’re already almost out the door.

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Urge For Going

Have this urge
to fire a gun
Wrap my hand around it
Squeeze the trigger
Make something happen
at a distance

See an action
have an immediate effect
Be able to measure
my impact and skill
directly in the moment
of result

Ever fire one?
It’s lovely to feel
the kick of a pistol
in your hand
and to know
how dangerous you are
in that moment

So much is possible
even (if you’re so inclined
your own exit
which is why
I don’t own one and won’t)
but the desire to pull out that stop
and make the smutty music roar
is strong now and again

How lovely we make
the tools of completion
How desirable
the workmanship
How calm the heart
when cradling such a baby
in your jerking and impatient
hands

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