Category Archives: poetry

I Know What I Know

A country fair in rural Connecticut
two weeks ago
Saturday night

There’s a kid
as crew cut and blonde as a farmer stereotype
wearing a side tipped black on black Yankees cap
and this T-shirt that says in white on black

TODAY I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO USE MY AK
I GOT TO SAY IT WAS A GOOD DAY

I know where that came from

I pride myself on trying to know
things my friends don’t know
It’s a hipster thing and knowing that line
qualifies me as a hipster
among my graying pals
and like a good hipster I snicker to myself

What could this hick
still wet behind his exposed ears
know about something like that
out here in the fresh air
next to the cider donut stand
under the fireworks in the woods?

I don’t know where that’s coming from

Then tonight
on a late night drive home
from Providence
I hit the preset on the car radio
and pick up a new station
“BSR in the 401 — 88.1
Hitz From Da Left”

Now I know what I know
but I don’t know anything I’m hearing

Here’s a shoutout to “my boys
on lockdown tonight in the ACI”
and “Jacqui sending this out to Rab-dog
wherever he is tonight”


I think I know this piano sample
Think it’s from Curtis Mayfield
but it’s not long enough for me to be certain
And the beats that travel with it
make it hard to hear the past for the present
so I don’t know if I know

Then the announcer cuts in with
“Who’s making rhymes like this these days?

a few seconds go by before he says

“…that’s right — no one’s
making rhymes like this, son
This is twenty years old”

and the words are similar
to something I know
but far enough away to be strange
to ears that think they’ve heard everything
there is to know

(By the way, if you’re sitting there waiting for me
to bust out in some lame replica
of the rhymes I heard
waiting with incipient glee for my failure
may I suggest
you kiss my middle aged
fat round ass

because I know what I know
and I know when I’m licked
and I’m licked so hard here
I’m still wet behind the ears)

I’ve never heard this stuff before

and the tracks roll on
like breathing that won’t stop
and I’m trying to breathe like this
but I can’t

I’ve got the window down
with this unknown old school turned up loud
listening
to the wind rush by
until the signal breaks down to static
two miles out of Providence
still thirty miles from Connecticut

I hit another button
and find a few more rhymes
a little farther on
I recognize this stuff
and can almost follow the words
but this time when Ice Cube drops
I shut the hell up

because I know what I don’t know
and what I know now is that I know shit
except it seems that hip hop’s not something
to be found in the blood
but in the air

and maybe that kid back home
with the buzz cut and the shirt down to his knees
knows something I don’t
or maybe he doesn’t
but I know I don’t know

I know now
what I know
isn’t enough

and because of that
I got to say

today was a good day

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Glassfist

Glassfist,

the weirdest superhero
of all time,

broke his hands
on another villain’s face,

leaving the enemy shredded and wailing
and himself
crippled
yet again.

Back at Headquarters,
his snickering friends
in their capes and masks
watched
as he thrust his hands into the Superkiln
and refashioned them,
blowing shape back into each finger,
gloving them after they’d cooled.

“What, exactly, is the advantage
of this particular attribute?”
they asked him.  “You’re only good
for two shattering blows in any battle
and then we’ve got to save
your sorry ass.”

He smiled, didn’t answer,
but later in his lair
he pulled off the gloves
and his mask and stared into his palms —

so clean,
no trace of blood anywhere,
and his own honest face
staring back without needing
to blink back tears.

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Remembering What Four Stones Said

You came to the bank of the stream
and saw them spread out
through the torrent before you.

The first,
white as a fish belly
and small, so small,
said that the Way
has no sense to it, but
leads forward in any case.

The second,
black as wood long submerged,
slick as a suspect, said that
if you could risk believing
that it offers solid footing,
you would find yourself halfway there…

and the third, rusty
streaked, seated high and dry,
solitary and distant,
mumbled a secret worth hearing,
perhaps only minimally intelligible,
but still invariable and true.

The fourth stone
lay below the surface.
It was no more than a shadow
and a threat of tumbling, of immersion.
It urged and coaxed: venture,
leap, steady as you go.

That far bank was high and green
and paths were visible under the pines,
leading up toward
the sun on the high meadow,
the moon on the high meadow:
you fell in love with it at once,
a perfect place for dancing
with wet feet
and knees
still trembling from the journey.

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Gun Song

World in peril
under the lead
night sky: we stare at

the nose of a bullet
aimed up
and viewed from within  —

each of us one grain of powder
ready to ignite
and push it toward its target —

each of us wondering
what blow will create
the moment of ignition —

and how can we know
which of us will be the first
to set it all off?

We were created
to vanish
in that moment of propulsion.

Everything we do
before that
is just waiting:

potential in a chamber,
knowing what will crumple and fall
when The Day comes.

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The Remarkable

In the middle of
the infield
during a stock-car race,

he lifts his camera
from the roaring before him
and snaps several shots

of barbed wire
atop a chain-link fence
with the blue sky behind it.

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Pronouncing Worcester

Yeah,

it’s spelled weird

You pronounce it
“Wistah”

Easier to say

with a cigarette in your mouth
and a chip on your shoulder

Give it the strongest grit you can offer
in the face of the unrelenting
derision

Remember

the “Wist”
is for
wistfulness

a wish for it to be
something else

the “Ah” is for
“Ah,
whatever…
it is what it is”

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The Original Question

Is there any way
to begin a sentence
that doesn’t immediately
predestine its ending?

I keep talking
in hope of breaking through
to one.  It’s not working,
and it’s not easy.

If you speak often,
you’ll repeat yourself
often.  If you act often,
you’ll act and react. 

Whatever chance I have
to say or do something original
before I stop speaking or doing
is rapidly vanishing into the haze

of things I’ve said or done before
that hangs around my head
and keeps me from seeing more
than what I know I have done.

Silence, of course, is the answer
to the original question…

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Newport Beach, California

In the embrace
of the best Scotch
I’ve ever had
in the Four Seasons Hotel
in Newport Beach, California;

a perfect measure drawn neat
into a brandy snifter.
One hundred seventy five dollars a glass,
purchased on a rich man’s dime.

I catch the crawl
on the muted lounge TV
telling me that Kurt Cobain
has died.

“What the hell did he have
to be depressed about?”
says one of my companions,
and I take a swig, not a sip,
and mumble,

“You wouldn’t understand…”

I notice the rich man
turning his eyes down,
looking into the gold
rapidly disappearing
from his own glass.

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This Ship

Considering
the vagaries of life
and time, we should discuss
what will happen if
we do not see each other
again,

for this ship we’re on
is vast and leaking,
and a boatload of mystery
it is, with a cargo of loose ends
not likely to be tied up
while we roam rootless
around the Earth.

I can say on my part
that I never meant
to deliver the first wound
and am sure each of you felt the same,
it was never in our nature,
I know that now; we hurt each other
through unsteady footing
as we rocked and fought storms
and lost sight of the horizon,
I know that now.

There are words each of us meant to say
which remained unsaid
and things we did say
that we left mostly undefined,
so let us
admit without judgment
that we did not understand
each other well enough to be clear
of our mutual necessities for the voyage;
let it pass that all those things were unclear
and will remain so,
let us accept that this is how we are
and who we are,

for we were put aboard
with blank charts,
no anchor, too little sail,
no engine worth the mention.
No need for such power
when there’s no course before us;
we were put here not to arrive,
but to journey.

If we do not see each other again
in this life or any other, let’s agree
to each take the time,
whenever we can,
to imagine us all standing at the rail
confused but delighted at the endless,
deathless sea before us
with no need to speak of desperation
for once.  Imagine us all
in sunset, in sunrise, under a laughing moon.
Imagine a shared moment
where it didn’t need to make sense
that there was no sense to the voyage.

Imagine that moment
is this moment.

What is there to say but:

isn’t this
a grand, daft,
sacred sea we’re on?

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The Poet Reflects On The Nature Of His Body of Work

Dug a hole
with my face

Dug it wide but not deep
Then threw my face into a stream

Pulled it out sputtering
“damn, that’s cold”

to no one in particular
Scared a young couple on the bank half to death

They were so in love
I wanted to buy them a house

but of course I’d been digging
and still looked a sight so they screwed

I’d snotted myself solid
with dirt

and now it was mud
and I couldn’t breathe

Not sure what the hole was for
Not big enough for me

Maybe a dog-friend
familiar and lifelong dear

Maybe a bundle
made for concealment now

and discovery after I’m gone
A time capsule full of cryptic souvenirs

Maybe that young couple
will come back someday and find it

a pit of bones
or postcards from lost names

Maybe it’ll be a foundation
they’ll build that house on

and maybe one day the house will be haunted
and they’ll finally put two and two together

and one of them will say
“Remember that guy on the bank

who was soaking wet
muttering something

about digging a hole with only his face?
Remember how cold he said he was?

I can feel the chill now
Maybe we shouldn’t have built here

Maybe it wasn’t a sign
and now we’ve learned something

about making a home
on a crazy man’s strain

and we ought to move”
And they move

to a different river bank
less full of self-destruction and wasted efforts

and this saga of my folly will end there
leaving me to shake my head

in a good plain grave
someone else dug for me

still trying to clear my nose of dirt
while thinking about how little I really knew

of love and work
that time I shoved my face into the ground

and started to excavate
the shallow site of my future memorial

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Candid

When I saw
the photo of myself
I squirmed
for only a moment
then looked straight at it.

I saw a gray man
with a crooked smile,
my father’s face looking back at me,
sporting a half-mouth grin
I’d only ever seen in one photograph
from Korea, green before first combat
in his uniform,
his whole platoon around him,
his hair short, his eyes bright,
nine years before my birth.

In the picture he’s smirking
as if he knew even then
that his son would someday come
to a similar moment of recognition
and amused resignation,
a moment of humor
before a terrifying future,
that my face
would inevitably become his
in spite of all my years of being certain
that if I just kept my head down
and did everything he never did,
I could keep such a thing
from ever happening.

I wonder if he knew
that it would take this long.

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The Story Of An Unsaid Thing

We fought all the time.
Two strong heads butting up
against different world views.
Work was like that, a lot.

When she sent her sister to me
for career advice, I was shocked.  Her sister
told me she’d said
how much she respected me and that I’d help,
anyway I could.

Feeling guilty, I called her
and we made plans
for lunch the following week.

I had a lot to say,

and the next day she got on a plane
and it flew into a building
and she became —
what?  Icon, symbol, memory,
martyr, victim —

She was none of those.  A huge smile
and a sharp tongue.  A quick word
and a deep thought.  A boss, a mother,
an adversary and a thorn.  Yes, those —

but I don’t know what to call her now.
She was a colleague, less than a friend,
but she looms in me now
below my heart, nudging it with her strong head,
reminding me:

I have left things unsaid
in so many places.
I have misjudged and will again.
I have held grudges and still do,

and I don’t know where her sister is today.

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Ritual

After dusk
but before the sun is completely forgotten,

find the growth that is strangling
the fruit tree.

Split it down its horny middle
with your shaman’s nail;

pulp out the translucent flesh
on your sky finger.

Hold it up
and see the moon, rising, out of round

and pink, through the mess.
Spit twice to the east and wipe your hand

on the moving ground.  Leave nothing,
not even a stain, upon yourself;

see it there before you waiting to be abandoned.
Walk away. Find the nearest spring and wash naked

no matter how cold the source.  This is enough,
you should tell yourself three times.  Enough

to make the fruit tree whole again, to make its seeds
edible and fresh

wherever they eventually fall.  Do not speak of this to anyone!
Let them think it was magic.    Let them live unaware

of how it was: the cry of the tree upon being pierced,
the gross shudder of the earth upon receiving the pulp.

It is enough to live.  Enough that you lived through it.
Enough that the knowledge exists, and that you will remember it.

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Morality

Whatever
“the good” turns out to be,
I imagine it will be
more of a recovered memory
than a new discovery.

We seek it
everywhere, seek it
in piles of filth, seek it
in a reason for bloodshed,
seek it in the eyes
of those we’ve rejected.

Though sometimes we defend ourselves
into some misdirection, some blurred view
of its nature, we know it somehow
when we see it:  “the good”

is recognizable, a dawning
remembered for its warm presence.
We seek it
knowing it already; duck and cover
before it, ashamed of our long distance
from it, abashed in knowing
it’s never been far,
always near by and always sensed,
if not always
conveniently placed.

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A Labor Day Prayer For Worcester

Scared, lonely,
a little too close to death,
I leave the apartment
on a Labor Day for a ride
to anywhere, elsewhere,
somewhere not here.

A sign outside a church on Greenwood Street
proclaims:

“GOD DOESN’T PROMISE YOU
A CALM JOURNEY
ONLY A SAFE LANDING”

I drive to Elm Park.

I choose a bench
and sprawl there, arms outstretched
along the back, legs crossed before me.

Round, brown teenage girls
stroll by arm in arm, giggling
(I suspect) at my belly.  A Frisbee
clips my leg, grinds into the gravel
at my feet, and a shaggy blond boy rushes up,
stops just before plowing into me,
apologizes; I acknowledge him
from behind my shades.

I walk up Highland
to the Boynton for a beer
and a slice.  The Red Sox
are playing the White Sox
and losing, but the beer is cold
and the pizza is warm enough;

one regular throws up his hands
at a lost opportunity, bases loaded
and no one scores.  Starts talking about
the early season, “remember that first sweep
of the Yanks? These guys always
break my heart, but I always come back,”
talking to no one, for everyone,
and we all nod, me still in my shades
as I finish and go back to the car.

I take the long way home, pass
that sign again:

“GOD DOESN’T PROMISE YOU
A CALM JOURNEY
ONLY A SAFE LANDING”

and from somewhere,
maybe from the torn-up blacktop
under my protesting tires,
maybe from inside me,
comes The Voice:

round and amused as a brown girl laughing at a fat man,
smooth and amazed as Jacoby Ellsbury stealing home in April
while Andy Petitte isn’t looking,
clocking me as hard as an errant Frisbee:

“I NEVER PROMISE ANYTHING
IT’S ALWAYS THERE FOR THE TAKING
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ”

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