I Feel Petty (O So Petty)

Had I been
more attractive
in a conventional sense
I would have meant 
so much more to me,
I’m sure.

But as I was not
I had to fall back upon
my broken brain
and its sad companions
my torn-up heart and soul.

I did what I could
with these and somehow
was lovable enough to some
but if I could have been
more lovable to me?
Who knows
what might have happened?

This is less complaint
than a field note,
something to leave for 
a researcher to ponder.

But it would have
been something
if I’d felt
that I’d turned a head
just casually, if I’d felt
a glance burn in
a touch longer than usual —

petty longings,
trivial regrets,
a notion I’ll shake off
the second I’m gone.