I don’t want fun. Fun’s
for the done, the no more
joy in the work
so let’s cut and run bunch.
I do want joy. Joy’s different —
a place at once inside
and outside self. A light over all,
warming from within, a change
to air itself. Fun blows though
like a boat cutting calm apart.
Joy is the lake itself
before, during, and after;
even when disrupted, even
under attack, joy holds up. I could
sink into that. I could drown
in joy for real. Death in joy? Perfect,
normal, natural. There are those
who would disagree, would say pain
negates joy, death its ultimate enemy —
no. If I fall before the bullets
I won’t be having fun, but closing my eyes
on the site of struggle, shutting down
at the end of a battle knowing others
will fight on? What joy in that!
July 1st, 2020 at 1:44 am
Oh yes. You got it. Not even in the same game as pleasure or fun. Once had so much joy had to pray for it to stop, thought I’d burst. Another time in terrible pain sensed a love with no small print and joy was so great, I didn’t even care about the pain any more.
And do not want to spend the end in escapism, want to die fully alive.
July 1st, 2020 at 7:04 am
Yes, that’s it exactly.