Monthly Archives: January 2015

On First Glance

Originally posted 1/7/2010.

First thing to catch my eye
in my living room this morning
is a Tasmanian wolf —
said by most
to be extinct but, well,
there it certainly is,
at least this morning
in this living room. Spider legs
and stripes,
car crusher jaws,
it stands calmly blinking
in my salvage yard
of an apartment;
its presence makes sense
as my place is full of discards,
secondhands,
re-purposed items
finding new lives; the animal
must have spun in here by chance
when the earth
passed through its dimension,
and decided to stick around.
I can do something
with anything I get my hands on;
maybe that appeals to it. I decide
to name the beast Johnny
and it looks up when I call it,
as confident in its power
as a myth. I offer it a drink
and it begins to lap,
the long pale tongue flickering,
not caring that
it’s going to become
a metaphor for something
once it blinks back
into its usual state
of not being.  It’s safe here
in a room that’s become
a shrine to the art
of taking something
that looks wrong on first glance
and making it work,
and to my surprise it curls up
on the bare pine floor
and falls away
into hopeful sleep.


Get A Grip

New Poem from old fragment. 2008?  

Our bricks
are natural
Our plastics 
are natural
Our GMOs
are natural (you may pretend
they are not
that we are not and our products 
are not 

But
they are)

Anything from our hands is
as natural as honey
As ant shit
As termite mounds
Bowerbird nests
Coral reefs

Our words
Natural as song
As roar and whinny

Our lovemaking
as curious and varied
as all mating

Our thinking 
as divisive and replicative
as mitosis

Whenever we exalt ourselves
whether with claims of 
God-favor or
with infamy or accusations
of unnatural acts
or non-animal behavior

we simply behave
as we are built to behave

We prefer to forget
the foolishness
of believing otherwise

that may be
the only true demarcation
between us and all the other
extinction-prone
species


Fit To Burst

New Poem.

I am fit to burst

To burst from
Torn psyche — spark
Critical theories — tinder
Whiteness — fuel

To burst while
Alone not by my choice
Alone between
Alone in another’s sweetheart deal

To burst big
And burn one thing
Burn two things
Burn books, paintings
monsters, heroes
medals, trophies
gods and gods and gods
and God

To burst into
orange over blood by blue
Red over flight from fight

To burst
Inarticulate reason
Unspecific grief
Inconvenient rage

To burst
Open my hands
Close my mouth
Hold my fright out like a shield
Hold my faith in an inside pocket
Hold my hope as it strains on a frayed leash 

I am fit to burst
and will
one of these days
one of these days soon

It will be a dynamite song
It will be a C4 chorus
It will be a nuclear blow out choir
A long loud moment

It will be hard to imagine
the other side of it
but it will be


Stationary

Originally posted 8/4/2012.

Truckstop, airport, train station,
port;  remember when those
were the easy way out,
and no one ever watched you leaving?

Remember sticking a thumb out on the highway?
The all-American way to travel,
the “we’ve all been there” shrug 
that came with the open car door.

When I move, you move…just like that.
When I move, you move…just like that.

We used to travel without a lot of thought.
We used to travel without a lot of anything.
Tell yourself we used to trust one another.
Tell yourself it was a communal experience.

Try to forget how that beloved “We”
belongs to
a flag-wrapped dreamtime,
American walkabout,
a legend woven into myths 
of a collective self.  

When I move, you move…just like that.
When I move, you move. Just like that.

Everyone’s so damn stationary now.
So many stories are inflammatory now — 

no one picks up hitchers, ever.
No one buys a ticket last minute
and gets on a plane without running
a gauntlet.  No one rides a train.
We fear the buses will smother us
in other people’s germs.

Everyone thinks the ship will sink.

We don’t move at all
without a screen to tell us exactly where we’re going
though we only go where everyone else is going.
We don’t move at all
without a plan for what to do

when we get to where we’re going
though the choices about what to do
are barely enough to keep us going.

When I move, you move…just like that.

Tell yourself that in the way back days
cops 
gently patted every traveler down

exactly the same soft way.
Tell yourself that in the way back days
they’d let all the folks
go easily on their way.

Tell yourself the bullets peeping from the cylinders
of those old police revolvers
were only there for show.

Hell yeah, hey DJ…bring that back.

Keep lying.
Say you’re no more than knee deep in fear
whenever you step out of your home.
Keep praying.
Those aren’t ghosts
whistling by you on those roads.
Keep pretending.
Insist it has to go back
to the way back days
that never were

and soon enough you won’t move
without looking for someone who moves first,
someone to follow backwards
down that ludicrous path.

When I move, you move. Just like that.
When I move, you move. Just like that.
When you move, I move.
Just like
that.


You Have Three Minutes To Answer

Originally posted 1/14/2013.

Actual question from a test designed to assess creativity:  “Just suppose we had the power to transport ourselves anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye.  What would some benefits, problems, etc. of this power be?  You have three minutes to answer.”

First

I would move
six inches away
and rewrite my entire body of work
as if I had always been
six inches away from it.

Next

I would move back to where I had been
and rewrite everything again
but all of it would be so unlike
how it began
that it would be like starting over.

Then

I’d move
six inches
in a different direction,
see how it looked from there.

I’d probably end up
moving swiftly
around the house
without ceasing,

desk
to bed
to kitchen
to shitter
to shower
to desk
to bed.

I might burn all my poems,
go buy some expensive paper in Venice,
and write them all again
even shorter,
one word per pricey page.

Six inches away from the desk.
Back at the desk.
Six inches away from the desk.
Back at the desk.
Somewhere else far away.
Back at the desk.
Somewhere else again.
Back at the desk.

Not really sure
how different
it would be.  Not really certain
there would be powers
or benefits. Not really certain
how much of a problem
it might be

except for the wear and tear
on body and
the slippery possibility
of ever living some grounded life.

Not sure it would be
that different.  Not sure
at all that this has not

already happened,
is not still happening,

three minutes at a time.


Mysterycore

New poem. (Last one for a while I think — back to revisions full time.)

I’m mysterycore

Not “love centered”
Not “spiritual but not religious”

Unsaved and glad of it
Never born again — once was plenty
Stared into the mask of the Void
Snatched it away
Put it on
Never looked back

“Dance as if no one is looking?”
Lose that nonsense
Mysterycore means 
you dance as if everyone’s
looking and wondering and scared to death of you
Dance as if that jack-off monkey in your childhood zoo
is staring at you the way
you once stared at him — fully aware
something was happening there
and you knew what it was

but couldn’t wouldn’t and did not say 
because to say it would have
cheapened it

Mysterycore
means you don’t let your darkness
end your delight
stop your moshing
keep you from playing a guitar solo based in a personal one note scale
Mysterycore
means you sneer at those who sneer because to sneer is divine and they do not know that
(Look at how Godlike they are in their lack of God)
Mysterycore
means you have a cupboard in place of a soul
Stock it with curious finds
Make a separate temple on each shelf
Conduct variable rituals of these shabby authenticities
every minute of every day except on the Sabbath
On the Sabbath
perform your mystery by doing 

not a Goddamn thing

Mysterycore
embraces all that is not clear
gives confusion a throne

knows you won’t kneel to it
Knights you for your insolence
then will try to kill you

and miss

Mysterycore
doesn’t have a dress code

Mysterycore
never apologizes for being nude

Sure
mysterycore
gets cold sometimes
Gets pointy nipples 
then tightens and puckers

but
mysterycore simply calls that

pointing out the True Path
upon surrendering the need to project 
strength and only strength

Mysterycore
isn’t comfortable

ever

but slams into The Discomfort
shoulder first
with ravenous joy


Talk Talk

New Poem.

While I am always one to enjoy
a fair amount
of multisyllabic intellectual palaver
on the passions and urgencies of the moment,

I must admit
that in these times when
the world is burning down
and so many red swift things
need doing

that too much civil language
and too much theory
can incite in me

an urge
(never indulged, but present nonetheless)
to step away from arguments and speeches
and revert
to a cave-self, 
reaching for something sharp
to slide along
a set of unjust ribs,

thus ending an argument
swiftly and with 
a minimum strain
to my tongue.

It is therefore good that there is college,
that there are learned magazines
and books.

I am no casual killer, mind you;
would not toss a bomb, would not
slay
without some need to save myself;

but there are times
when I am drowned in dialogue,
when I am swept up and away
by theory, when I am turned by chatter
away from my blood-need
to sing and sling steel in response
to another’s blood-provocations;

in those times,
it is good that there is space 
between us.

It is good that there is civilization.
It is so good that there are
schools of thought
and symposiums
and teach-ins
and books
and philosophy

in the violet rage storm
in the space between us,

for I am too tired too often
of talk
to ever be safely
and
truly
a man of
peace.


This Body

New poem.  

This waning,
this decay,
this slowdown — 

this is
my body.  This

stubborn
raw stone in a shoe, this
broken heel, this bad toenail,
this slash in a sole.  This is

my body: what I own,
all I own.  Don’t 

care much for it; free it
to care for itself or not,
let it feed
on what’s at hand. This old

pirate stealing my speed.
This old eyelid in full drop,
this old endgame wondering

if tonight tomorrow or next after that
will bring an end — well, well.

I say: let it. Let me
slow down to crawl,
then to belly skid,

then to full stop —

I will still be as beautiful then 
when I am in those first moments
after I die and my body — this
hesitancy, this now permanent delay — 
lies absolutely still.  I will surprise you

with that sudden marble intensity after a life
of frenzy, with my meditation
on how not to move.

This is my body
now, soon to be no longer mine.
When I’m gone you’ll speak of 
what was left behind:
you’ll speak of

a rot-fallen willow.

Not I.  
If something of me can still speak 
it will sing of this body
and of how it was
imperfect, but was never

a mistake.

 


Red For Green

New Poem.  (With a nod to Federico Garcia Lorca.)

My friend, I confess
I have grown to love reds
more than your preferred green.

I adore a sky of red mist,
a voice of red words,
a hard red answer to power;

I can understand a red blossom
on the chest 
of an unjust man;

can overstand a sacred and scarlet tide
surging upstream into a corrupt city
from the harbor.

It is a fine sad romance to be
in love with and to court
what can be found in blood,

to dance a deep song with blood,
to examine 
one’s own hands
for blood 
without ceasing,

for to be comfortable with red
one must see the ghost of red
everywhere it once was.

My friend, I want to trade
your spent bullets for my poppies,
my poppies for true bills, 

true bills for no more need
of any bills. My friend, I offer you
the red stag handle

of my knife, the wet ruby line
on the edge of my scalp —
what peace will you trade me

for these?
These reds
have led me to you

and your stance
above the bodies of those felled
by your green. Red, it’s my own red

I offer to spill as I seek
an end to this trade; this is why
I call you my friend, my friend;

I call past red and green
to you — to you I offer my hand,
my red for your green.


Waiting For The Punchline

New poem.

Because the glow of
orange-pink streetlights
on falling snow
just before it touches ground
before dawn
reminds me
to adore the sacred nature
of mundane existence. Because

the toaster does what’s asked of it
without fail.  Because
of the oven failing, appropriately, when it reaches
its appointed moment of obsolescence. Because
of how my age and diseases
are killing me correctly, every cell
following its correct path, even
the broken ones behaving perfectly well,
exactly as if they are broken. Because

nothing ever answers
my prayers specifically
and I am instead told so often
in so many ways
that I will have to
make myself, because
I’ve been told so often

in so many ways
to depend upon watered-down,
man-cheapened deities
for neither identity nor protection,
yet whenever the pre-dawn snow glows

I am always caught by its appearance
as if seeing it for the first time
and end up fluttering within,
enthralled by something like hope

that this will not be the last time I see it.

Mostly, though, I stay because
something tells me
that the greatest pleasure
of dying
will be the laughter breaking out
all over the new life
immediately after my arrival,
and I don’t yet know enough to get
the Punchline
so I can laugh
long and full 

with the Others.


Loud, Louder, Loudest

Originally posted 1/7/2012.

Some days
are just one
turbocharged
evocation
after another.
Frankly,
I could do with
fewer of them;
not every moment
or action
has to have a point
and I’m tired 
of almost bleeding out
so often 
after getting stuck

by the ones that do.
Today give me instead
a pure road
with no toward
and no away from;
give me

a Grand Car Sound System
Of Love And Holler, give me
all 
the loud, louder, loudest

three-chord songs to play,
and let me drive along
playing them
at maximum volume
with no reason to be
driving 
except
that’s where songs like that
sound best.


Hydra

New Poem.

Monster! Look out,
a Monster
built just right
to make us smile
before it eats us —
Hydra!
Hydra — 
the right words
cooing peace
in five mouths,
slobber and fangs
in five others,
all its eyes 
focused on the eating
and no peripheral vision
in any head and we know
if we pull its teeth we get
Soldiers
but we have to kill

all the many heads first,
use Fire 
to seal their necks
against comebacks.

Monster! Monster,
look out there’s a 
Monster coming to 
make us Monsters too —
not by picking us off
one by one
till we are memory;
instead swallowing us
into itself, making
More — Hydra!
Hydra yearning
for more heads,
all the heads,
which is why
we slash at
the ones we see
even when they are
in mirrors and 
though it agonizes we
must burn open necks
shut.

Monster! Hey, 
Monster coming for
the once again and
always will be —
comes in shape of
a machine
or a form
or a schoolroom
or a prison door
and sometimes
all the same, all the same —
Monster!
Hey, Hydra! Hydra makes 
for the last exit ahead of us and
cuts us off but 
we weren’t planning on leaving.

Hydra, Monster, 
biter of Dream,
thief of Song,
scrape-shoe shitty
shapeshifter, claw
of Reason, too many heads
we thought we loved, rope-necked
dank bag full of consumed Hope,
what we do with you
is try not to die

when we come cutting,
swinging hard,
burning all of you clean
when we know
all of you
is all dead

and then, we’ll be
watching to see 

that it all stays burned
and all stays dead
because we know
how often
we’ve been wrong
about that.


Coping

New Poem.

A roll is being called
in the streets and the 
halls of power.

The politician sniffs at it
and proclaims
that “some people cannot cope
with the enforcement of the law.”

She sees coping mechanisms
in her untroubled sleep:

there is unquestioning obedience;
there’s bow and scrape;
there is a knowledge of one’s place;

and of course when all fails
there are bullets — smaller
than close attention,

less complicated
than listening, more direct

than ideas, smoother 
in the moment
than her words.

She steps away from the podium
into blood seeping up
through the excellent carpet
that was selected because of how well
it once hid all those stains
she seems to believe
dried up long ago.
Tries not to slip in it.
Fails.  Blames this
on the distracting sounds
of the roll being called.
Fails again. Nearly falls.
Keeps trying, trying,
trying

to cope.


Fossil

New poem from an unpublished fragment, written sometime in 2011.

Unbroken flesh
becomes stone
if left under pressure
for long enough. Then,
often, breakage:

stone once shattered
enters dust.
Fragmented, it
reshapes itself.

Merely cracked,
it stays that way for
an eon until more stone 
fills gaps. 

Unsure of my specifics
as matrix around me
opens and I step out.
Never been here before.

Legs feel odd, what I see
is odd, what I smell
is odd  — or it’s not odd at all and
I am sensing oddly. Stone

is all I can smell no matter
flower or meal or neck
before me.

Is this forever? In panic, see 
that erosion may be 

a lone hope for salvation:

lie down in a stream
or under a waterfall
or grind along a riverbed
with other stones.

Either that or
get comfortable
being this hard
for a long time
yet to come.

Sit for a bit with it
in rain or sun or snow.
Try to decide. Try to 

not fret, try to not choose
(once again)
what’s most obviously
wrong, not to choose what’s
wrong, try to choose
what’s not wrong, try
to feel something
right enough
long enough
to choose it.


I Spun In

New Poem.

I spun in, twisting, rotating
out of control. My whirring 
stifled her pleas. I could not focus
on her face, or on my heart.

Not enough, shine
on her cheek; not enough,
her sweet words.
Not enough, not enough.  

If there were things
she could have done
to make my spinning stop,
I know she would have;

but only a fool would have tried,
and she was no fool.  She saw me
drilling down, descending,
whenever I tried to stand still,

and so she let me go. I spun down into 
bedrock, aimed without aiming
at the core far below, knowing I would burn
if I went that far, knowing that here,

left behind, would be her face,
her words, her sweetness,
her anchoring care and cautious love;
still, I could not stop myself, and I spun in.