Monthly Archives: January 2010

On First Glance

First thing to catch my eye
in the living room this morning
is the plastic Halloween glass
with the whimsical skeletal girls
in pigtails, shaking
Jack o’ lantern maracas
as they dance.
Two weeks after Christmas,
and not the least bit out of place.

When the Tasmanian wolf —
said to be extinct but, well,
there it certainly is, at least this morning
in the living room —
wanders in, I’m not at all
fearful.  Spider legs
and stripes, jaws like a car crusher
in this salvage yard of an apartment;
its presence make sense on first glance,

since my place is full of discards,
second hands, re-purposed items
finding new lives.  The animal
must have spun in here by chance
when the earth
passed through its dimension,
and decided to stick around.
I can do something
with anything I get my hands on;
maybe that appeals to it.

I decide to name the beast Johnny
and it looks up when I call it,
comes over, as confident in its power
as a myth.  There’s still some water in the glass
so I offer it a drink and it begins to lap,
the long pale tongue flickering,
not caring that the water comes
from an off-season source, or that
it’s going to become a metaphor for something
as soon as it blinks back into its usual state
of not being.  It’s safe here,
here in the room of taking something
that looks wrong on first glance
and making it right.

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Frozen

Walking at night in winter.

Looking into parked cars —
unlocked cars.

There is a backseat
in this car with
a coat on it. 

If there is
a pocket in this coat
there may be a candy
in the pocket.  If there is a candy
in the pocket it may have
melted.  If the candy
in the pocket has melted
it will have refrozen.
If the candy has been refrozen
it will be misshapen. 

The deformed sweet
is my favorite kind.  If it seems
that it should be discarded,
I want it that much more.

Walking at night in winter
wanting the sweets others have tossed.
It’s cold outdoors
but only if you spend too much time
indoors.  Walking and trying doors
toughens you.  If you harden enough,
you don’t mind after a while.
Things are sweeter, even the garbage
is desirable.

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Praise For The Day Of Praise

Praise to the Being
not to be called God
for that is understood
as a Noun and not
a Verb
by too many
and it should be known by all
that this is praise for the entirety
of All, its ongoing
Going, its Movement
and Shifting Nature;

praise be to Being, then,
to grouching and farting
at daybreak before work,
to loneliness of the unemployed
facing the emptying streets,
to the words “what exactly shall I do today?”
and the words “I wish I was doing anything else,
not what I am doing now or
am about to do,” praise to the chance
of change or the comfort of no change;

praise to the dead of last night
who are beyond the new things
of this morning, who are Elsewhere;

praise to the positive
who fool themselves, the negative
who fool themselves, the ones
who are not thinking at all today
but who move solely in response;

praise to the calculation
of the middle aged man
who looks at his life and decides
there are maybe fifteen years left in it,
who decides to live as he has been
because he is glad of the short term;

praise to the calculation
of the middle aged man
who looks at his life and decides
there are are maybe fifteen years left in it,
and decides that it is not enough,
and sets his coffee down and goes outside
and walks to the corner, is winded, goes back
to the living room and knows he’ll do more
tomorrow, who believes again
in tomorrow;

praise to the Internet
and its fallacies, its snap judgments
and foolish conspiracies, its reinforcement
of the worst, its stupid cats
and moments of connection facilitated
by the dumb video, the effervescence
of a spoiling joke, praise always
to the moment as revealed and removed;

praise to the things we always forget to praise
and cannot recall now, but they exist and do not fail
to appear at the right moments, they know
when they are needed, come through phone calls
and unexpected visits, letters, odd news stories,
mentions by random strangers, trashing of old yearbooks
and bills from vacations forgotten in the rush of Being;

praise then for that Being, for all Being known and unknown;

praise for disgust at slipping through the cracks,
for shame at crossed fingers on rent day, for joy in ten-dollar prizes
on lottery tickets, for rage at celebrity,
politics, terror alerts and body searches,
for imprisonment of whole generations of our own;

praise for the privately balled fists of the pacifists;

praise for the soldier cradling his enemy’s child
after killing the enemy;

praise for the moldy bread
in the mouth of the stray, for the tinfoil hat,
for the long shelves of pills illuminated by sunrise
through the narrow apartment window;

praise for the silence in which only Being exists
and for the stark fact of another day
exactly like the last one,
exactly like the next one;

praise for the Being of Being itself
and its sacred and profane wind
that is like unto the breath of the beating wings
of the Angels we are
as we trumpet in hope of the End of Days
again and again
until the Days indeed end
as if there were only days, no history,
no progress;

praise at last and again and always for Being,
simple and dear in the light of Order
that appears as Chaos
but is magnificent in its
sealed completion.

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Last Entry In The Log

Today in the ruins, we found a child still alive
with white hair, like that of an ancient woman,
growing out of her chest as if rooted in her heart,
as if it had lanced
through bone and flesh to hang limply
against her belly.

The child was not breathing but her eyes rolled back and forth
among us when we gathered around,
catching us all in the moment of wonder.

When she finally exhaled, the hair rose and waved
like kelp in a current, and we knew at once
(without being able to explain how we knew)
of the sea of age within her, informing her gaze.

We are resting now, with the child saying nothing
as she sits upon her mat by the fireside.

It is two days travel back to base.  Tomorrow
we will begin the journey, leaving a small crew behind
to keep watch on the ruins; perhaps
there are others?

The men are arguing about who will stay behind
for this.  All are eager.  Strangely so…
as if the notion of a sage intelligence
that might be watching for us from the wreckage
has seized them all.

I have been staring back into
the child’s eyes.  She has told me
nothing, no hint of origin, no explanation
for the thread of history she carries.
There is something obviously important
in the way she holds herself,
but none of us can quite explain
what we are feeling.

I have decided that we will delay our return until we are certain
there is nothing more to be learned here.

More, I think, later.

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Free

A rework and combination of two earlier pieces…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Violet energy
of  a packed nightclub. Far
corners dim and busy.
Startled remainders of dinner crowd.
Slick aficionados,
novice
joy chasers,
mages in watchful attendance.

Then, the horns –

saxophone
asters, trumpet
roses.

The essence of horn is in blowing and blocking.

Ivory bones
of keys and
starflung bass,
the fertile underlying soil
of swift sifting drums.

The essence of string is in striking, permitting, and stopping;
this is the essence of piano as well.

Do you know the essence of the drum?
Of objects in action,
rush of shaken skin, thrumming in ear canals,
the memory of the tree blown down in the storm,
striking the ledge?

Oh, the shocked eyes
and the odd remastered ears…

Melody is a pirate rejecting unjust law.
One rebel line cabled
among many,
carrying the current.

It is a crime against the essence of sound
to call music into confinement.
There is a trial going on
and jeopardy attaches
so it goes free,
or rather there is no crime and
it is a possibility inherently alive.
Essence snapped to a bent grid, evanescent.
A moment.
Memory transferring itself from past to now-being.

Play what is needed, in thrall to essence,
the nature of the reed, the harmonic.

Under it all, the idea:

white noise does as it wishes;
all control is relinquished in the moment
of white noise,
underlying the point of struggle.

Beating shape out of raw time,
examining the sound of its bones
falling onto the hearth.

The essential call of a summary command
to call up
the only voice that is under all.

The tree crashing
to the ledge unseen crying
I exist,
I existed,
respond.

The stop at the bottom of the tumble
allows for beginning…

outside the doors
an altered few find
an opened world

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First Person Shooter

Living in the time of decline
is a game of inches, like
football: grinding effort,
slogging through.  Imagining with every play
the single piercing moment
of the certainty
of defeat or triumph, staving it off
a while.  But there’s a known deadline there
and none here.

Thick as the line in a thermometer
in a Massachusetts window
on January 13 comes a message:
sun’s going down, wind’s picking up.
It’ll get colder.

In the mornings
I have lately risen to this:
first person shooter vision,
blued barrel
facing away from me, the cylinder
open, see how my fingers
seat the rounds, steady thumb and forefinger
plucking them from the box.  Two or three
still to be loaded.  I shake off the image,
but then what? 

Asked for a pen
and got a revolver. A laurel wreath
replaced by a gin blossom
on a thin cheek. Grubs
under glass, fossilized oysters.
The forbidden and frightening sound
of one sure shot
at peace, but not on my watch
if I can help it, not in my house
if I have something to say about it.

Still, such moments in winter
have their place, and I surmise
that I am that place.  Sun goes down
and comes up, it gets colder
and warmer, wind picks up
and dies down, and there is a voice
out there, not only in here.

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Iguana

To not be
iguana
is to be able to stand outside
iguana
and know iguana
somewhat

but it is not the same as
being iguana

to be within the scale
and spines
looking out

no iguana
is able to fully know iguana
himself, a dinosaur
writ small

doesn’t understand evolution

does understand
lettuce
aggression
a snappy tail

is enough
for iguana
to say upon seeing another iguana

grey green
yellow black

that’s war or sex
an iguana union in iguana-
ness
is enough
and silly human need
for classification
is not
iguana necessary

nod the head of the iguana in question
up down
up down
threat display

leave me alone!
I’m iguana
that’s all

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Middle Age

I’m almost old enough
to know the difference
between feeling my age
and acting it,

speaking freely
and not knowing what to say,
breathing easy and taking time
to breathe when things get rough.

A song on the radio
still can tell me what I need to hear right now,
though I may no longer know the name
of every band and half of them

sound like something I’ve heard before;
but the beat still bounces me
and I’m still a sucker for the right
sharp lead in the right place.

But when it comes down to it,
who cares who’s playing?  Some knowledge
is unimportant, and I’ve learned
a lot of that kind of thing

at the expense of a lot of other things.
I’m old enough to know
I’ve missed out on a lot,
still young enough to hope for more —

more chances to learn,
more time to stop caring so much
for the scope of loss.  More time
to be glad I’m stupid enough

to be perpetually surprised
by something old in a new wrapper,
more time to say
I’m a foolish man, and glad of that.

So break out a new song,
let me stumble through the steps
of a dance I should know by now…
I’m old enough not to care,

young enough to believe
I’m still young enough to make it work,
old enough to know
that the end is always sure, 

young enough to forget long enough to try anyway.

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Salt And Sugar

The fast over,

he supped on honey
and hard bread,

the sweetness colliding
with the blood from his gums
where the sharp crust
had cut him,

and he smiled
redly,

the full moon in his mouth
losing its grandeur to his wet eyes.

This is the happiness
I have missed, and it hurts
like swords, like a song stretched
to the limits of my voice,

he thought,

as he let old pain
fall from him
in long streams of silver
to the icy soil
of the winter garden
where he knelt. 

But oh,
how I love to sing
in the moonlight,
naked, even if
the moonlight and the winter
are within me,
at least I am no longer
hungry, and
this salt and sugar

are all I need.

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Ostrakon (formerly “Clones”)

A tap on your shoulder
brings you face to face
with your clone.

He sits down across from you
at the worn coffeehouse table
and begins.  “Ok, this will sound crazy, I know,

and we don’t have much time, so listen…here’s the short version:
cloning’s been around longer than anyone
knows.  You and I, we’re two of a privileged kind.

I can’t explain more than this right now,
but all of us who’ve been cloned
must choose at some point…You’ve got

five minutes to decide if you want to trade places
with me.”  You see his tailored clothes,
his air of health, his face

exuding the spiritual centering
you wish you had…Sputtering
your demands for an explanation, you stare

at the missing finger, the horrible
scar from the wound running up the back
of his hand and into his sleeve.

“Yes, that’s important, and how I got it
is a part of who you’ll be, part of how I’ve lived,
it’ll be part of how you live

if you choose to be me…but
I can’t explain any more of any of this
until after you choose,

and if you choose to remain in your life,
you will never learn it at all.  So hurry…we’re down
to seconds now…”

You stare at his face,
your face, so perfect, glowing
with what you’ve always wanted:

peace, and security, and joy
contained in every pore.
Your ten fingers tap the table,

your face looks into his,
or his into yours…is this really how
this has to happen? Do you

have to pay a cost
that can be reckoned fully
only after spending it?

You ask yourself, how can you choose
such a thing?  Remain this self or become a better self —
the greatest mystery of all time is here to be solved,

and there are only
seconds to think.
What to decide?

The cleaver is on the table now between you,
his eyes are gentle and clear, and steady on yours.
Who’s going to return to your family tonight?

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Brand new track up on Reverbnation…

It’s the first song in the playlist, titled “Ostrakon.”  For a change of pace, that’s me on guitar.

Please go check it out by clicking on the “Show Schedule” tab above, then clicking through to the Reverbnation page.

Thanks!

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Goya’s Rabbit

A rabbit
drawn by Goya
is digging through the walls
of a house of sand.

Those incisors suggest
the rabbit longs for blood —
an unnatural diet compelled,
perhaps, by the depiction.

Art comes alive,
and what comes
from that goes to new places,
ravenous for the unexpected.

It is coming for you.
Don’t assume
you’ll offer it a carrot
and it will then revert

to its original nature.
A rabbit can be a carnivore
when allowed to be.  Creation
didn’t stop at the end of a week.

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