First change: the title.
WELCOME ABOARD
First things first:
this place is big, a brick
house with no funk.
Be prepared to get lost,
often for years at a time.
Next, code of conduct:
You would not believe how easy it is
to not speak to anyone here —
just let them talk
and they’ll barely notice you.
Stay one step ahead of the boss in terms
of your computer savvy
and you can play God
indefinitely.
Lunchtime: try a salad and an antipsychotic
chased with pure spring water. Save a
Diet Coke for later, when you will need
the caffeine to help scrape together a little attention.
The bar across from this building is another world.
You will need a special suit to breathe in its atmosphere.
The creatures there use camouflage and mimicry to stay alive.
Pay close attention to the grim men
you see haunting the conference rooms
after marketing meetings and training classes.
They live on leftover brownies and stalled ambitions.
They own the sports cars at the fringes of the parking lot,
far beyond the reserved row.
In other places, they would be called ghosts.
Do not let them touch you.
As for work itself?
No one you work for will ever return your love,
even if they say that they do.
Do not allow yourself to pretend they will,
even for a second.
They will only know you’re leaving
when you turn in your badge,
but if you work here long enough,
you won’t need the badge at all,
because everyone will know you.
Everyone already does know you, in fact;
we seem to remember you,
as if you’d worked here before,
so we already know everything we need to know
about you.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now then:
I don’t really like this poem. It doesn’t do what I want it to. I was looking for something more direct. I frequently find that the second person approach helps me zero in on the actual poem.
Hence, another shot at the actual poem.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ghost Story
Grim men drift out of the building
at five o’clock after marketing meetings
and training classes.
They drive off in the sports cars they parked askew
at the fringes of the parking lot.
In other places, they would be called ghosts.
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes. Their SUVs and
Acuras leave the reserved rows and line up at the exit.
They will be the next ghosts.
I leave the building at seven o’clock, dragging my ass
to a used Accord, sleeping on my feet
before I’m even halfway there.
Someone called me
inconsistent today.
I am that. There are ghost days
and solid days, and I park wherever
I can get space.
Dark Matter 
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 5:40 am
Re: nice poem
thank you. i don’t feel good about my work lately.
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 18th, 2005 at 1:56 am
nice poem
and you are not becoming a worse poet! You’re getting better! I’ve seen it happening. Your ideas and images are often brillant. Because I say so, that’s why!
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Re: I disagree.
Well…two different angles, same subject.
It was never meant to be ghostly.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
I disagree.
I think the first one could use tightening, but the tone is much more ghostly…it drifts…
The do-over is too blunt. Abrupt. Doesn’t bring me to that dream state.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
definitely the second one
I’m gonna post it in my cube.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
That was my feeling too, Sou. I was a little surprised at the positive reaction to it!
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.
March 17th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
i prefer the 2nd stab by a wide margin – the first one had too much in it, & had a more cartoony- feel. the second is tight, concise, & brings the narrator in personally.
& i really like all the ps & ts here:
Pretty girls stride out to the lot at six o’clock
in ponchos and pointy shoes.
it feels like a dainty interlude.
dig.