Fear, for me, always has far more to do with abandonment than physical danger. I’ll risk all sorts of bodily harm before taking the risk of losing a friendship, even to the point of absurdity. Even to the point of far greater emotional harm to myself.
Stupid. Self preservation is not one of my strong points. I can’t continue to let things hurt me in the name of false peace. There are times for things to end and I must get used to that sometime. Especially as my friends and I age.
I have noticed I’m getting better about it.
And…if you can read this, it’s not about you. In fact, it’s not even really about me. More about self-examination based on observations of others.
Dark Matter 
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
I know this, of course, intellectually; but it’s so hard for me to act in accordance with it.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:52 pm
Someone I know once said, “You don’t have to change your friends, if you understand your friends change.”
Not that all people are worth keeping as friends. To me, it just reminds me that just like I am constantly in a state of change or growth or whatever you want to call it, so are my friends.
Sometimes, that just means that their life, or mine has gone in a different direction, and I have to accept that fact. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just means that life has gone on.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
It ain’t easy, especially as you grow older, to change old habits. But still worth the effort.
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Turmoil happens….
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
Re: yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
Mail me some pills and we’ll take a crack at it.
Not that I do crack, of course.
(PS: Thanks. Feeling’s mutual…)
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 8:41 pm
This has always been a struggle for me, and I am not sure why.
I would rather sit and cry those feelings out alone rather than lose a friend.
I tend to do stupid shit and just make the friend back off just that much more.
Yet, I repeat the same behavior over and over again…especially with friends who have been there during significant times in my life.
However, even worse for me than losing a friend, or having to “reclassify” a friend, or even just having a temporary falling out with a friend, is when there is turmoil amongst a circle of friends I consider myself a part of.
When that happens, suddenly it seems sides are being picked and lines being drawn. It is very sad…although I do recognize that sometimes it is necessary.
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
yeah, that’s a hard one for me too.
i learned a while ago that there are certain people who provide certain things in your life. for instance, there was the friend whom i could count on to go out dancing and have a good time with, but if a man came into the picture, she wasn’t above literally leaving me at the club.
so rather than get angry about it, i always made sure to meet her at the club, and have a backup plan.
now i’m realizing that the word “friend” means different things to different people, and that someone else’s criteria are not necessarily the same as mine. some use it to mean “someone i’m fucking, but don’t want to call my boy/girlfriend.” to me, it means someone whom i can count on in the ways that count to me. everyone else is an acquaintance. some people have had to be reclassified. that hurt, but it was a good way of managing my expectations and allowing people to be who they are.
i consider you a friend, because of your frankness. if i was in Worcester, we could make a mosaic of our meds. 🙂
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love
March 11th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
I understand. I do the same thing all the time. Keep people as friends because they are my friends. Mine comes from moving so much and not having friends for more than 2 years at a time and never keeping in touch after.
Sometimes you need to draw the line though. And I am bad at that. I’m trying to get better at it though.
love love