August 31, 2004

1st draft

By Tony Brown

johnny dropped a penny. ellie
picked it up. saved a few dozen
and bought johnny some cigarettes. johnny
smoked all of them and didn’t speak to ellie
until he needed more.

johnny and ellie got married and had a
couple kids. the kids grew up and
rolled around on the floor because
they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

dropped a valentine within the reach of the kids
and they didn’t say anything
until they’d about chewed
each other’s arms off to get it.
then ellie always asked them why they were such a mess.

and that is how it happens
that we find johnny and ellie smoking
and the kids cringing back from them
holding a valentine soaked in blood,
with pennies over their eyes.

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About Tony Brown

A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details. View all posts by Tony Brown

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 31st, 2004 at 2:33 pm and posted in uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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48 responses to “1st draft”

• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• ablueeyedboy
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:42 pm

  like wow

  uh
  yeah
  damn dude. That’s so good.

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:37 pm

  hmmmm – you softened it a bit… i really did like the original ending, but this is quite all rigt, too =)

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• slayerscreamer
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:31 pm

  Tony that piece absolutely rocks. killer.

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  And…thanks!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 12:08 pm

  Re: very nice…

  Oohh. I like. A Lot. a Lot.

  That’s what I was trying for!

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• dead_kitty
  August 31st, 2004 at 11:51 am

  very nice…

  I like where this is going. I know you didn’t ask for this, but may I suggest a few cuts? (Ignore this if you wish)

  johnny dropped a penny. ellie
  picked it up. saved a few
  and bought johnny cigarettes. johnny
  smoked them and didn’t speak to ellie
  until he needed more.

  johnny and ellie got married and
  had kids. the kids rolled around
  on the floor because
  they were crazy anyway. they got pounded until
  they fit the holes they fell into. everyday johnny

  dropped a valentine in front of the kids
  and they didn’t say anything
  until they’d about chewed
  each other’s arms off to get it.
  then ellie asked them why they were such a mess.

  and that is how it happens
  that we find johnny and ellie smoking
  and the kids cringing back
  holding a valentine soaked in blood,
  with pennies over their eyes.

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• radioactiveart
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:57 am

  Um, I just changed that last section, Sou…may wanna look again. 😉

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply
• asthecrowflies
  August 31st, 2004 at 10:34 am

  fucking. brilliant. from the opening line to the last, brilliant. i heart you, Tony Brown!

  Reply

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