The weekend was uneventful — good time at the Cape; since I’m not drinking right now, I played bartender and made excellent Bloody Marys for folks using Ketel One; played extensively with a 6-month old Golden Retriever pup and generally did very little.
Def Poetry really bit the big one last night, with nods to Ruby Dee, Bonafide, and Besskepp for not making my half hour a total loss.
OK. One more thing.
Just saying this to put last week’s disastrous breakdown to bed: Yup, it was that serious. Yup, I was ready. Yup, I’d planned the method. (A dive from the balcony on the fifth floor, here at work. Picked my spot and everything.) Yup, I’d written the note. (Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
I thought I’d let you know, just because I feel like I owe you all a debt of gratitude – the realization that it was real, coupled with the quick responses from some of you regarding your alarm — yeah, that’s what stopped it.
I’m ok now. I stepped up some of my meds based on doctor’s recommendations, and while I’m not thrilled with how I’m feeling (the old flat affect effect), it’s better than a swan dive.
Thanks again.
I realize, now, that my resistance to using this more extensively in my writing is a form of denial. (I know — you’re thinking it’s all I talk about. You have no idea how many pieces get discarded out of sheer disgust.)
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
OK. No more for now. That’s about all I can deal with, and please, don’t worry too much — I said I’m safe, and I am. Promise.
Would I lie to you?
Dark Matter 
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad
that you were able to fall into the saefty net.
And that you’re here.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Wish this were more true and less of a sentiment…
See you Sunday, Padre.
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 1:05 pm
A reading on suicide from one who has seriously battled it would be an excellent catharsis I feel. Instead of letting all that junk and shit sit in you and never be heard… scream and let them hear it… but make sure you really let everything out and let it be clear or you’ll even miss your own catharsis and get lost and that is the last thing we want and I would hope that at this time the last thing you’d want either.
(fuck that was one long ass sentence…)
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 10:35 am
.
I’ve just started to get to know you. I’m rediculously enthused that i can continue to learn. I wish I could of been of value.
This is a tiny little suggestion and do with it as you plase but maybe…
Start another LJ. One you don’t edit, period. And make sure that the people who take part in it know what it is.
Just a thought, disgard at your leasure.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:51 am
Thank YOU for being responsive. I can’t really take the credit. I’m just glad it all worked out.
And thank you for being able to take the concern in.
AND thanks for offering to be out there for me. As you know, it matters.
xoxo
D
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:48 am
so glad you’ve got your legs back under you some,
though i know things still feel very unsteady, but at least not where they were. and as a fan and friend, i’m all for the exorcism series. restraint is a fine quality, in its place, but so is opening it up and cleaning out the carburator.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:29 am
Yeah. I forget that, sometimes. I try to not write about the stuff because I refuse to give it power.
Of course, it already has power, and I forget that.
Thank you, again and publicly, Ms. G. I will not forget — and while I hope I never have to do the same for you, I’m here at your service. always.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:22 am
i’m really glad you threw up the white flag that let us shout out.
here’s to bartending, puppies and the cape.
and if you do write the series, i’d love to see it.
writing’s saved me over and over, and even when i don’t believe it can or will, somehow, it does.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 am
(Some of you saw it before I took it down.)
i’m glad it was there, tho’, that you were able to reach out. there’s more you know about in regards to that; i’ll let it sit there.
I may decide to do a series on dealing with this — an exorcism of sorts.
i think you should, T… it’d be good to document it for yourself, but also, i think it might benefit some other folks i know too.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:53 am
I called Daphne and let her know I was ok — not really able to talk much then, but I owe her.
Big time.
Thanks.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.
August 23rd, 2004 at 8:51 am
I’m just glad that you put up a white flag for long enough for Daphne to catch it.
Let this remind you that a lot of us care about you.