Been working on this for a bit. Just getting to a first post…
ADAM AND EVE ON A RAFT, WRECK EM
The cup’s on the counter with
your lipstick on the rim.
Now the whole day’s shot to hell.
Woe and tumbled eyelashes swept aside, I sit down
at the edge of the counter. I used to kiss you
there, and there. I used to make you
easy there, and there. I was not
intact but I was complete and
the lipstick never stayed in one place on the
rim, it would be smeared over
again and again.
I’m not up to the job
of dealing with this.
Fire me, I’ll collect thoughts
for dole money.
I take a drink,
lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are
not. I’m all tears and left hooks.
I’m counter
help in hell — short order joint, learning to wash the
dishes, make sure all the
stains are gone.
I’ll never hold this job.
I’m fired. I’m fired.
I’m history.
I’m gone.
Dark Matter 
June 29th, 2004 at 11:45 am
It’s interesting…
I’m in this mode lately where I want to show far less than I used to…let the reader fill in holes as they will.
Big, associative leaps are really appealing right now.
Thanks for the suggestion, though; I do want the feedback.
June 29th, 2004 at 11:45 am
It’s interesting…
I’m in this mode lately where I want to show far less than I used to…let the reader fill in holes as they will.
Big, associative leaps are really appealing right now.
Thanks for the suggestion, though; I do want the feedback.
June 29th, 2004 at 11:45 am
It’s interesting…
I’m in this mode lately where I want to show far less than I used to…let the reader fill in holes as they will.
Big, associative leaps are really appealing right now.
Thanks for the suggestion, though; I do want the feedback.
June 29th, 2004 at 11:45 am
It’s interesting…
I’m in this mode lately where I want to show far less than I used to…let the reader fill in holes as they will.
Big, associative leaps are really appealing right now.
Thanks for the suggestion, though; I do want the feedback.
June 29th, 2004 at 10:59 am
“I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan.”
OK, I understand. But you still can do better by throwing in some image and some metaphorical meaning, maybe something along the following line:
…there, where shadows melt into a patch of something
dark, as if a stain of coffee or is it
a birthmark…
It’s just a suggestion.
I’m glad you dig my stuff. 😉
June 29th, 2004 at 10:59 am
“I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan.”
OK, I understand. But you still can do better by throwing in some image and some metaphorical meaning, maybe something along the following line:
…there, where shadows melt into a patch of something
dark, as if a stain of coffee or is it
a birthmark…
It’s just a suggestion.
I’m glad you dig my stuff. 😉
June 29th, 2004 at 10:59 am
“I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan.”
OK, I understand. But you still can do better by throwing in some image and some metaphorical meaning, maybe something along the following line:
…there, where shadows melt into a patch of something
dark, as if a stain of coffee or is it
a birthmark…
It’s just a suggestion.
I’m glad you dig my stuff. 😉
June 29th, 2004 at 10:59 am
“I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan.”
OK, I understand. But you still can do better by throwing in some image and some metaphorical meaning, maybe something along the following line:
…there, where shadows melt into a patch of something
dark, as if a stain of coffee or is it
a birthmark…
It’s just a suggestion.
I’m glad you dig my stuff. 😉
June 29th, 2004 at 10:34 am
<>
Thank you. Ditto.
<
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”>>
Well, the next line completes the sentence: “…not.” It’s meant to bea reference to everything from oral sex to hidden tension to…
<
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.>>
Hmmmm…I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan. I like the ambiguity herein — am I talking about locations in the kitchen, or on her body? Both, I think. I don’t want to lock it down.
<
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”>>
Agreed in both cases. The “with” was actually an afterthought. Work to be done.
Thanks,
T
June 29th, 2004 at 10:34 am
<>
Thank you. Ditto.
<
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”>>
Well, the next line completes the sentence: “…not.” It’s meant to bea reference to everything from oral sex to hidden tension to…
<
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.>>
Hmmmm…I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan. I like the ambiguity herein — am I talking about locations in the kitchen, or on her body? Both, I think. I don’t want to lock it down.
<
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”>>
Agreed in both cases. The “with” was actually an afterthought. Work to be done.
Thanks,
T
June 29th, 2004 at 10:34 am
<>
Thank you. Ditto.
<
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”>>
Well, the next line completes the sentence: “…not.” It’s meant to bea reference to everything from oral sex to hidden tension to…
<
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.>>
Hmmmm…I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan. I like the ambiguity herein — am I talking about locations in the kitchen, or on her body? Both, I think. I don’t want to lock it down.
<
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”>>
Agreed in both cases. The “with” was actually an afterthought. Work to be done.
Thanks,
T
June 29th, 2004 at 10:34 am
<>
Thank you. Ditto.
<
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”>>
Well, the next line completes the sentence: “…not.” It’s meant to bea reference to everything from oral sex to hidden tension to…
<
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.>>
Hmmmm…I don’t think I want to show you those, Stefan. I like the ambiguity herein — am I talking about locations in the kitchen, or on her body? Both, I think. I don’t want to lock it down.
<
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”>>
Agreed in both cases. The “with” was actually an afterthought. Work to be done.
Thanks,
T
June 28th, 2004 at 10:22 pm
Tony, I like your stuff.
I got to cut to the chase, for I’m too busy tonight. So, here are a few impressions:
I’m not sure of this stanza:
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”
It seems too abstract, for me.
Also, “I used to kiss you
there, and there. I used to make you
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.
The ending is overdone, I think.
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”
Good luck with it.
June 28th, 2004 at 10:22 pm
Tony, I like your stuff.
I got to cut to the chase, for I’m too busy tonight. So, here are a few impressions:
I’m not sure of this stanza:
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”
It seems too abstract, for me.
Also, “I used to kiss you
there, and there. I used to make you
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.
The ending is overdone, I think.
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”
Good luck with it.
June 28th, 2004 at 10:22 pm
Tony, I like your stuff.
I got to cut to the chase, for I’m too busy tonight. So, here are a few impressions:
I’m not sure of this stanza:
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”
It seems too abstract, for me.
Also, “I used to kiss you
there, and there. I used to make you
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.
The ending is overdone, I think.
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”
Good luck with it.
June 28th, 2004 at 10:22 pm
Tony, I like your stuff.
I got to cut to the chase, for I’m too busy tonight. So, here are a few impressions:
I’m not sure of this stanza:
“lipstick on the rim of my teeth,
you never used your teeth,
you always let me know
they were there, and now they are”
It seems too abstract, for me.
Also, “I used to kiss you
there, and there. I used to make you
easy there, and there.”
I think you can do better than “there and there.” Show us those “theres”.
The ending is overdone, I think.
The first two lines would be stronger without “with.”
Good luck with it.
June 28th, 2004 at 7:09 pm
Re: My guess…
Broken yolks. The rest you’ve got right…
And thank you.
June 28th, 2004 at 7:09 pm
Re: My guess…
Broken yolks. The rest you’ve got right…
And thank you.
June 28th, 2004 at 7:09 pm
Re: My guess…
Broken yolks. The rest you’ve got right…
And thank you.
June 28th, 2004 at 7:09 pm
Re: My guess…
Broken yolks. The rest you’ve got right…
And thank you.
June 28th, 2004 at 6:04 pm
brilliant as always, mr. brown.
June 28th, 2004 at 6:04 pm
brilliant as always, mr. brown.
June 28th, 2004 at 6:04 pm
brilliant as always, mr. brown.
June 28th, 2004 at 6:04 pm
brilliant as always, mr. brown.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:51 pm
My guess…
… is sausage (Adam) and eggs (Eve) on toast (raft), extra well done (wrecked). Am I in the right ballpark, Tony?
June 28th, 2004 at 2:51 pm
My guess…
… is sausage (Adam) and eggs (Eve) on toast (raft), extra well done (wrecked). Am I in the right ballpark, Tony?
June 28th, 2004 at 2:51 pm
My guess…
… is sausage (Adam) and eggs (Eve) on toast (raft), extra well done (wrecked). Am I in the right ballpark, Tony?
June 28th, 2004 at 2:51 pm
My guess…
… is sausage (Adam) and eggs (Eve) on toast (raft), extra well done (wrecked). Am I in the right ballpark, Tony?
June 28th, 2004 at 2:42 pm
This is beautiful, Tony. Thank you for the timely ache.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:42 pm
This is beautiful, Tony. Thank you for the timely ache.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:42 pm
This is beautiful, Tony. Thank you for the timely ache.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:42 pm
This is beautiful, Tony. Thank you for the timely ache.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
What does that phrase, “adam and eve on a raft, wreck ’em” mean? I’ve also heard the variation (from tom waits) “adam and eve on a log, you can sink ’em damn straight” in a similar context…as much of my life is spent in diners and coffeehouses, i feel like I should know this slang.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
What does that phrase, “adam and eve on a raft, wreck ’em” mean? I’ve also heard the variation (from tom waits) “adam and eve on a log, you can sink ’em damn straight” in a similar context…as much of my life is spent in diners and coffeehouses, i feel like I should know this slang.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
What does that phrase, “adam and eve on a raft, wreck ’em” mean? I’ve also heard the variation (from tom waits) “adam and eve on a log, you can sink ’em damn straight” in a similar context…as much of my life is spent in diners and coffeehouses, i feel like I should know this slang.
June 28th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
What does that phrase, “adam and eve on a raft, wreck ’em” mean? I’ve also heard the variation (from tom waits) “adam and eve on a log, you can sink ’em damn straight” in a similar context…as much of my life is spent in diners and coffeehouses, i feel like I should know this slang.