first draft

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SPIN

The braids around her head
make me spin whenever
I look at her picture.

She lies on the white road.
She could be asleep. (I know
she isn’t asleep.) I spin

whenever I look
at the picture. She lies on the
white road, not sleeping,

eyes closed and dusted white.
The braids around her head rest
snaky in the dust, where she could be

any young girl anywhere
who doesn’t sleep in the road unless
it’s unavoidable, because

that’s where the mine
bullet bomb RPG caught
her. She lies in her braids there,

and I’m spinning around her picture —
a fragment, a white fragment in
dusty tears, the long streaks on my cheeks

vapor trails on my skin. The jets above me
drop nothing on their way into Logan.
The roads here are black and wet.

We have no dust here, no white dust here.
I pull my own hair out of its braid
and spin slowly down onto the couch to read

more news. She lies on the front page
of the local daily and the picture
is black and white and she is not sleeping,

though I know I am.

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details. View all posts by Tony Brown

10 responses to “first draft

  • radioactiveart

    Re: short

    Ah! Toe in these waters, eh? Welcome.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: short

    Ah! Toe in these waters, eh? Welcome.

  • Anonymous

    Re: short

    Interesting. Thanks for the explanation. I’ll have to think about it some more. And this is Bob (from the land of Gill).

  • Anonymous

    Re: short

    Interesting. Thanks for the explanation. I’ll have to think about it some more. And this is Bob (from the land of Gill).

  • peragrin_fogin

    I love her

    This poem took me up on a westerly,
    the reader rides it like a surfboard
    in the sky. A great trip, a heroine,
    a tear. It’s visceral, it’s spiritual,
    I’m in love with it.

  • peragrin_fogin

    I love her

    This poem took me up on a westerly,
    the reader rides it like a surfboard
    in the sky. A great trip, a heroine,
    a tear. It’s visceral, it’s spiritual,
    I’m in love with it.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: short

    It was meant to be abrupt. One of my pet subjects is how quickly and easily we become inured to tragic events, especially ones that are not “personal”. The speaker’s turn away from the dead girl is, I think, pretty typical.

    But I hear you on the abruptness, by the way. It may need fixin’ up to do its job better. Any thoughts?

    And by the way…who is this?

  • radioactiveart

    Re: short

    It was meant to be abrupt. One of my pet subjects is how quickly and easily we become inured to tragic events, especially ones that are not “personal”. The speaker’s turn away from the dead girl is, I think, pretty typical.

    But I hear you on the abruptness, by the way. It may need fixin’ up to do its job better. Any thoughts?

    And by the way…who is this?

  • Anonymous

    short

    The ending feels a little, I don’t know, abrupt to me. Maybe that was your intent. I’m left wanting… more explanation… or detail… or maybe just more beyond that last lne.

  • Anonymous

    short

    The ending feels a little, I don’t know, abrupt to me. Maybe that was your intent. I’m left wanting… more explanation… or detail… or maybe just more beyond that last lne.

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