Fugue State, indeed

So…last night, I get home and my dad has left a message for me to stop over.

I get over to the house, and sitting on the kitchen table is a knife — not just any knife, but a WWII standard issue Pal Navy knife, with a 9″ blade and an original sheath in damn near perfect condition, with the exception of having my uncle’s name carved into the sheath.

Seems my dad got it from my uncle, who no longer wanted it, and he decided that I should have it.

For those who don’t know me, you should know that one of my unpleasant little idiosyncrasies is that I’ve had a lifelong love affair with cutlery. I own over a hundred knives, including a few that I probably shouldn’t own…’nuff said about that. I don’t collect seriously, the way I do with guitars, in the sense of going out just to purchase knives; more a case of coming across them now and again at bargain prices, or having them given to me by my dad.

It’s one of the things I inherited from my dad, along with bipolar disorder, a love of Johnny Cash, and an affinity for long hair. Dad still has the knife his grandfather made for him on the rez back in the ’30s, with a leather wrapped wooden handle and a blade made from the back of a two-man crosscut saw.

This new acquisition means that I now own one example of every American issue knife from WWII, plus an original British Sykes-Fairbairn special forces dagger. (I don’t do Nazi. Period.)

As I was leaving, I thanked my dad again and he asked offhand if I also wanted the rifle and bayonet.

I did a double take — he hasn’t had guns in the house for years, mostly because of our shared propensity to suicide.

We headed downstairs to take a look…Yup. An M1 Garand with its original bayonet, also my uncle’s.

I took a pass on the gun. And the bayonet. I knew Anne would NEVER go for it — and I don’t trust myself either. (I don’t think it was still in working order, but you never can tell.)

Before I left, he’d called a collector buddy of his and he came and got it.

Funny…I’m politically lefty for sure, but I’ve still got the atavistic love of weapons that you see sometimes on the right of the political spectrum. I recognize it as an issue, a contradiction if you will; I think it’s at least in part a way of pushing, poking on my death wish a bit; having all those edged weapons around…The Fugue State poems are about this sort of identity dis-integration…I find it less troubling than I used to…

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details. View all posts by Tony Brown

40 responses to “Fugue State, indeed

  • ocvictor

    Re: OOh.

    >It’s one of the reasons I’m always so hesitant to use the blanket term “leftist” for my sympathies, although I definitely am farther to the left than most people I know on most topics…there’s this package that people believe you should have in terms of belief, and I don’t buy it.

    I prefer to think of it in terms of “authoritarian” and “antiauthoritarian,” as opposed to “right” and “left,” which are nonsensical. I’m pro drug legalization, for a reasonable amount of gun control and against most taxes. This makes me not onboard with Republocrats and Democricans on just about anything.

    But I’ll still vote for almost anyone against Bush, so it’s OK.

  • ocvictor

    Re: OOh.

    >It’s one of the reasons I’m always so hesitant to use the blanket term “leftist” for my sympathies, although I definitely am farther to the left than most people I know on most topics…there’s this package that people believe you should have in terms of belief, and I don’t buy it.

    I prefer to think of it in terms of “authoritarian” and “antiauthoritarian,” as opposed to “right” and “left,” which are nonsensical. I’m pro drug legalization, for a reasonable amount of gun control and against most taxes. This makes me not onboard with Republocrats and Democricans on just about anything.

    But I’ll still vote for almost anyone against Bush, so it’s OK.

  • just_jeff

    Re: I believe…

    gracias!

  • just_jeff

    Re: I believe…

    gracias!

  • loudpoet

    Re: OOh.

    After Kerry’s little insincere dance around the liberal label in Sunday’s debate, I kind of want to reclaim it for myself, even if it doesn’t always apply.

  • loudpoet

    Re: OOh.

    After Kerry’s little insincere dance around the liberal label in Sunday’s debate, I kind of want to reclaim it for myself, even if it doesn’t always apply.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: I believe…

    Karrie, Jeff. Jeff, Karrie!

  • radioactiveart

    Re: I believe…

    Karrie, Jeff. Jeff, Karrie!

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Another P.S.

    I got it. No problem.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Another P.S.

    I got it. No problem.

  • latrans

    I believe…

    …that you’re the person Tony says we’re supposed to be wishing a happy birthday. So happy birthday!

  • latrans

    I believe…

    …that you’re the person Tony says we’re supposed to be wishing a happy birthday. So happy birthday!

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    sounds good!!

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    sounds good!!

  • latrans

    Another P.S.

    Hoping that the last line was clear as a Charlton Heston reference, not as a flippant reference to any possible familial suicidal tendencies… oh, the impreciseness of typed communication…

  • latrans

    Another P.S.

    Hoping that the last line was clear as a Charlton Heston reference, not as a flippant reference to any possible familial suicidal tendencies… oh, the impreciseness of typed communication…

  • loudpoet

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    Actually, I’ve been meaning to drop you a quick note to hello!

    Hello.

    We might be heading north for a weekend in April, actual destination TBD, so maybe we can catch lunch somewhere in between there and you.

  • loudpoet

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    Actually, I’ve been meaning to drop you a quick note to hello!

    Hello.

    We might be heading north for a weekend in April, actual destination TBD, so maybe we can catch lunch somewhere in between there and you.

  • just_jeff

    Re: P.S.

    THAT WAS YOU?

    saw you go by from the edges of the oort cloud.

  • just_jeff

    Re: P.S.

    THAT WAS YOU?

    saw you go by from the edges of the oort cloud.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    Glad to be of service as a catalyst, there, sir…

  • radioactiveart

    Re: Boxes are for storage

    Glad to be of service as a catalyst, there, sir…

  • radioactiveart

    Re: P.S.

    It’s ok. I caught a ride with a giant carrot.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: P.S.

    It’s ok. I caught a ride with a giant carrot.

  • latrans

    P.S.

    You were on the fringes of one of my dreams last night. It was about 10:00 p.m., and I was racing around frantically because I was supposed to be picking you up on the way to a slam in NYC that was starting at 11:00. Apparently I was planning on eddies in the space/time continuum to get there in time, since I live in the Midwest and all. I’m really not sure where that came from.

  • latrans

    P.S.

    You were on the fringes of one of my dreams last night. It was about 10:00 p.m., and I was racing around frantically because I was supposed to be picking you up on the way to a slam in NYC that was starting at 11:00. Apparently I was planning on eddies in the space/time continuum to get there in time, since I live in the Midwest and all. I’m really not sure where that came from.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: OOh.

    Oh, understood. It just becomes so hard not to talk this way; it’s the acceptable way of discourse, and convenient in a lot of cases.

    I’d certainly describe myself as “leftist” before I used “liberal”, for instance.

  • radioactiveart

    Re: OOh.

    Oh, understood. It just becomes so hard not to talk this way; it’s the acceptable way of discourse, and convenient in a lot of cases.

    I’d certainly describe myself as “leftist” before I used “liberal”, for instance.

  • latrans

    Contradictions…

    …are what make us mult-faceted individuals. I’m a leftward leaning pacifist as well, but live in a house with guns (It’s kind of required when one marries a Latvian.) and discovered a few years back that I thoroughly enjoy the meditative qualities of target shooting. Plan on finally getting my very own rifle sometime this year. Doesn’t mean it will need to be pried out of my cold, dead hands, however.

  • latrans

    Contradictions…

    …are what make us mult-faceted individuals. I’m a leftward leaning pacifist as well, but live in a house with guns (It’s kind of required when one marries a Latvian.) and discovered a few years back that I thoroughly enjoy the meditative qualities of target shooting. Plan on finally getting my very own rifle sometime this year. Doesn’t mean it will need to be pried out of my cold, dead hands, however.

  • jeremyrichards

    Re: OOh.

    That’s a good point. I also avoid labels, usually, and I guess that was just glib shorthand in reference to Sarah’s politics. I don’t think anyone should accept a package of beliefs indiscriminately.

  • jeremyrichards

    Re: OOh.

    That’s a good point. I also avoid labels, usually, and I guess that was just glib shorthand in reference to Sarah’s politics. I don’t think anyone should accept a package of beliefs indiscriminately.

  • loudpoet

    Boxes are for storage

    …and ideologies are too fluid and dynamic for any one box. I hate the whole left-right-center concept and its various compromises that come with figuring out where one fits. All that kind of thinking does is reinforce this stupid two-party system that’s going to give us another wonderful choice of less and lesser in November. Grrr…

    /rant

  • loudpoet

    Boxes are for storage

    …and ideologies are too fluid and dynamic for any one box. I hate the whole left-right-center concept and its various compromises that come with figuring out where one fits. All that kind of thinking does is reinforce this stupid two-party system that’s going to give us another wonderful choice of less and lesser in November. Grrr…

    /rant

  • radioactiveart

    OOh.

    No, but I will definitely listen to it when I get home. Thanks.

    It’s one of the reasons I’m always so hesitant to use the blanket term “leftist” for my sympathies, although I definitely am farther to the left than most people I know on most topics…there’s this package that people believe you should have in terms of belief, and I don’t buy it.

    I worked for years in various social justice groups with a lot of folks from the Catholic Worker Movement, who were right there with me on a lot of big social issues but who were virulently anti-choice. Where do you fit those folks?

  • radioactiveart

    OOh.

    No, but I will definitely listen to it when I get home. Thanks.

    It’s one of the reasons I’m always so hesitant to use the blanket term “leftist” for my sympathies, although I definitely am farther to the left than most people I know on most topics…there’s this package that people believe you should have in terms of belief, and I don’t buy it.

    I worked for years in various social justice groups with a lot of folks from the Catholic Worker Movement, who were right there with me on a lot of big social issues but who were virulently anti-choice. Where do you fit those folks?

  • jeremyrichards

    Did you hear Sarah Vowell’s piece on This American Life last week? It was all about her conflict between her leftist politics and her father’s NRA allegiance, and her growing relationship with her father over the years. You can hear the archived audio at http://www.thislife.org/ (“Guns”)

  • jeremyrichards

    Did you hear Sarah Vowell’s piece on This American Life last week? It was all about her conflict between her leftist politics and her father’s NRA allegiance, and her growing relationship with her father over the years. You can hear the archived audio at http://www.thislife.org/ (“Guns”)

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