Defined here as
any message left behind when someone takes an action
that has known fatal consequences,
the first one had
the apparent heft and shape
of a half eaten apple.
The second
was a thumbprint in the center of
a brother’s forehead.
There were others but
the next one of import was
a bloodstained lopsided “X” ,
left on a hill as a warning after
the suicide had bled out: “this is the wages
of not admitting you’re
wrong.” Truth was, he
hedged his bets, so
it’s hard to credit that one as
a true exemplar in the long line, but
based on pure style, it has had
a lot of imitators.
I tell you this not as a parable
but as a luminous fact: everything we do
can be a suicide note,
and usually is. What we leave behind tells
enough of our fate that
given time, anyone can see
the point at which it became clear
which path to self-immolation
was chosen, sometimes unwittingly but
obviously and surely chosen: how
the writer selected the exact tools
as the means to the end.
The reader steps back and says, “Ah, yes,
that’s where it all turned. That’s where
the world shifted in this one.” And if
you do it right, every word and action you leave behind you
will be one you chose, and what more will need to be said
of you, if you have said it yourself?
Look, nothing saves you from this: if you live at all,
you only speak with the hammer breath of God’s will,
and you will burn out, sooner or later, from its force and heat.
Live it as if every second was the last second.
You will die because you live. You will never have lived if
you do not write your death yourself.
Dark Matter 
December 22nd, 2003 at 10:20 pm
i really enjoyed the beginning and your take on some biblical events. the line about the crucifixion
“based on pure style, it has had
a lot of imitators.”
is great and wonderful divergence point in the poem.
the end of the poem retains many broad strokes and it leaves me with the feeling that i am talking to a preacher versus talking to a survivor. i think i would prefer to speak with the survivor rather than be talked to by the preacher.
two cents,
o.b.
http://www.geminipoet.blogspot.com/
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:47 pm
And by the way…
You mentioning Biblical imagery in the post this AM gave me the hook to hang this on…or rather, confirmed that I had the right hook in mind. Signs, indeed.
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:34 pm
Thanks, Ms. D.
I liked this a lot. I’m curious about some of your choices in terms of line breaks/enjambment, but they may clear up on further readings of this.
It’s Rilke’s influence, damn him. Or bless him.
There’s one place in the poem where it feels (to me) that you don’t make the center hard enough. Right here:
[snip]
but as a luminous fact: everything we do
can be a suicide note,
and usually is. [snip]
First, I love “luminous fact.” But the rest of the stanza/start of the next seems kind of weak, since your thesis is not that everything we do *might* be a suicide note, but that everything we do *IS* a suicide note. I don’t think “usually” is a strong enough word.
Good catch. I hedge my bets, too, although i’m decidedly unChristlike.
I’m also not sure you need the last stanza of the poem; the “hammer’s breath of God’s will,” is such a forceful and striking image, that the last three lines seem like extra exposition. But I nitpick, because I am a hag.
Hmmmm…I need something there, for my sense of closure; I’m also not sure that those are the three lines. More work to come.
Mostly, I think this is a remarkable piece. The act of living is the act of dying; I also like how as the poem progresses, the lines get denser, and the pace picks up until we get to the line about burn out, force & heat.
Yeah. (I could have just listened to Neil Young, I suppose…)
You are always an inspiration to me.
Just trying to stay alive, Ms. D. But thank you.
And we still have to talk a bit about the Feb. 5th date, so I’ll be in touch.
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:29 pm
Re: Fully intended.
Some people get depressed and drink. I get depressed and talk to God.
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:23 pm
I liked this a lot. I’m curious about some of your choices in terms of line breaks/enjambment, but they may clear up on further readings of this.
There’s one place in the poem where it feels (to me) that you don’t make the center hard enough. Right here:
[snip]
but as a luminous fact: everything we do
can be a suicide note,
and usually is. [snip]
First, I love “luminous fact.” But the rest of the stanza/start of the next seems kind of weak, since your thesis is not that everything we do *might* be a suicide note, but that everything we do *IS* a suicide note. I don’t think “usually” is a strong enough word.
I’m also not sure you need the last stanza of the poem; the “hammer’s breath of God’s will,” is such a forceful and striking image, that the last three lines seem like extra exposition. But I nitpick, because I am a hag.
Mostly, I think this is a remarkable piece. The act of living is the act of dying; I also like how as the poem progresses, the lines get denser, and the pace picks up until we get to the line about burn out, force & heat. You are always an inspiration to me.
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:16 pm
Re: Fully intended.
aw, tony, you love the paradoxes of art.
self-determination vs. God’s will
or
poetry vs. slam
or
regular vs. decaf
ya know, the big questions.
-javabill
December 22nd, 2003 at 7:07 pm
Fully intended.
This is a draft culled from a group of poems I’m working on right now.
I need to make that bridge between self-determination to God’s will simultaneously more apparent and less overt. ah, the paradoxes of art.
December 22nd, 2003 at 6:51 pm
I like it. The hammer breath makes me think of anvils and forges, though, and that suggests that God is shaping us to some end, some purpose, which endures even when we’re done. Maybe that’s intended by you, and maybe it isn’t.