If I say “Chopsticks” is
my favorite piano piece
will you think I am being
facetious or simply
and incredibly stupid about
how much great piano music
is out there that I must have heard
at some point and yet here I am
championing something
almost anyone with fingers
and a memory of hearing it
can play with little thought
once they are shown where
to begin? If I tell you
that the reason I claim
such a thing is for
that precise reason —
how accessible it is and
how it connects so easily and
how much delight one may see
in the eyes of a new player
of any age — how the sound of it
might make even a seasoned pianist
ever so slightly nostalgic
for their earliest days upon
the ivories — would you think
I am being facetious then
even as your own fingers
begin to twitch and beg you
to let them try?
Tag Archives: poetry
Chopsticks
Sugar Bowl
measuring my weeks
sifting through days
as if they were
lumps in a sugar bowl
examining the texture
of each rock
of particulate sweetness
hoping for a spoonful
to cure what ails me
selflessness
is so sour
not that I would know that
except in theory
as I am so offensive
and rank with my
own decades of
misguided self care
nothing tastes sweet
Guitarist’s Prayer
Poem from late 1990s. Lightly revised.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ it was not the first time / I left a guitar behind / and it would not be the last”
— patti smith, “munich”
while
dreaming of things beyond / my own ruin
i pray for a
ruined guitar
i pray my
hands will some day pry open / the lid on the case where hope is hidden
and brush
aside the fierce ills that torture me / as they fly by
and if
/ as i suspect / i find that hope is a guitar that’s been trapped for too long
one that’s
been scorched and broken
neck just
cracked enough / strings just frayed enough
that one
good chord / will rip the instrument finally / apart
i pray that
my hands will recall their past
i pray the
strap will hold / when i lift that guitar into place upon me
i pray
there’s a decent cable / in the case
i pray the
Amplifier of Heaven / is plugged in and warmed up near by
i pray i
will remember / the name of the right chord
i pray i
will remember how / to set my hands in place / on the strings / so that chord can pour through them
i pray i
take a long quiet moment / before i strike / for the spaces are as important as the music
i pray i
have the patience / to not worry too much / about the perfection of the tuning
i pray the
Pedals of all the Saints / are arrayed before me
i pray for
enough time to stomp every possible voice / into that chord before it fades
for the
right chord is itself a prayer
and tonight
i pray that
i pray it / just right
i pray that
then / i will have enough grace / to know when i am done
to know when
to set that wreckage down
and
walk
away
Telecaster
The Telecaster
is in my hands
unplugged at
11 PM so as
not to disturb
anyone but me.
Even in this
incomplete state
it does its best
to cry and
offer prayer
as I try
to make
my sick hands
move one iota
more like they did
six months
a year two years
ago. The doctor
calls this “diabetic
neuropathy” and
people beyond
the doctor like to say
it’s my fault
or at least my fault
and my parents’
fault but what I know is
I was bad at this before
it happened and am
no better now that
my fingertips feel
nothing. Meanwhile
the Telecaster is still
doing that transparent thing
where its voice becomes
my voice and my voice
becomes an insult
as well as a prayer
and together we do
what a thousand thousand
teenagers with guitars
have been doing
forever: trying to
keep their pain silent
when the house is asleep
and all they want to do is
scream. Here I am though,
old and numb, trying to pretend
that old and numb doesn’t lead
to the same
kind of pain, this
clicky-quiet
Telecaster pain,
this stumble-finger agony,
the discomfort
of knowing
that regardless of whose fault
all of this is,
I am failing this guitar,
and it is not
the other way around.
Hearing Problem
Revised, from 2018.
It has taken me
nearly sixty two years
four thousand glasses of whisky
uncounted pounds of herb
pills upon pills
a taste for killer’s thrills
dozens of bodies held close
whose souls I kept at arm’s length
and countable but daunting numbers
of lost hours spent
chasing words into caverns
and trash heaps
to realize I might have a hearing problem
I might have misheard
my mother
when she said
don’t have kids
they will ruin your life
What she might have said was
don’t have kids
you will ruin
their lives
but thank God I followed her advice
for surely
surely
surely
either way
she was right
Going Through The Motions
hidden at my core
is a small, dim light
what you see is just my shell
going through the motions
everything that looks sincere
as well as
everything that looks
faked or false
everything that seems solid or fluid
everything that seems remotely static
that shows I’m settled for life
into the nest of my identity
every cuddly blink
all the sighs and furtive glances
at thighs and backsides
all the human moves through the fair
all that action and lust
it’s all just
a package of motions
I’m going through
every rage at insult real or imagined
every dangled bait to draw attack
every sneer and morseled-out hateful offering
to war-doctors and high priests of the blinding
just going through the motions
so the world won’t notice
the dead lamp within
still stale and cold
everything I do out here
is motion — is lies
masturbatory once
now tedious hideous and old
dim light within like
a salt lamp rimed with dust
I tried to shine brightly once
but failed and started this pantomime
now and then thinking
my motions have become me
and I them
I’ve begun to forget my light
it remains within
and continues to dim
but now and then it flares
I cannot predict or explain when
but when it does happen
I stop moving for a short time
and try to remember which I am
the shadows of my motions or the light
One Last Snowfall
Revised from February, 2011. Originally titled “Inertia.”
One last snowfall.
An afterthought,
though the calendar
still insists otherwise.
I refuse to clear the walk
knowing the temperature
will rise tomorrow.
Is this hope? I’m calling it hope
though it has been so long,
I’m uncertain. It may instead
be surrender, white flag
waved in the white face
of more on top of so much.
Story of my life, lately;
unwillingness to negotiate
with relentless, impersonal events.
The tendency of a body at rest
is to remain at rest unless acted upon
by an outside force. I’m not at all
rested, though. The snow outside
has held me here but I’m still
shaking in place. If this is
hope, I trust it less than despair.
Hope suggests you get up
and clear the walk
before it will enter. Despair
tells you to sit still and wait
for nothing to enter
except whatever comes when Hope
refuses to even glance at the house
when it passes on its rounds. Despair
is trustworthy. Hope, on the other hand?
I can’t even get up to look out the window
to see hope pass by. Can’t even be bothered
to wave. The walk is never going to melt off
today, and tomorrow might be warmer,
but it will also be too late.
How It’s Done
slow misstepping
arrhythmic
plodding to
the near-end
saying
it all
by saying nothing
directly
this is
how it’s done
and it is
Patreon post — appreciation video
I’ve mentioned here before that I have a Patreon where dedicated supporters contribute small amounts of money per month to help me maintain a steady income and do my work.
Most posts and perks of the site are not available to the public, but I made a post a couple of days ago in tribute to the late Robert Bly and I thought you might like to see it.
Enjoy.
You Are Going To Be Fine
You are going to be fine,
they tell you; you are going
to find the bridge inside you
and cross your gaps. You are
about to see stones in the stream
before you and perceive all at once
that there is a path across
with only a few scary leaps.
You are going to be fine,
they tell you; between
the appearance of the bridge
and the revelation of the stones
your agony must stem
from a choice you made
to have it in your life
as a lesson, as pain for gain
to help you find the path.
You are going to be fine,
they tell you; they say
you are in all the right places
at once: on this side of the stream,
with the bridge and the wet stones
between you and the far bank;
already through the worst of it
and on the other bank, weakly
dancing; with your pain holding you
tight as you make the journey
no matter which way you choose.
You are going to be fine,
they tell you. You fall down
writhing on the cold floor
of your bathroom. That’s it,
they say. Dance it out. You roll
over on your back and stare
at the peeling ceiling. That’s
the way of this, they say.
That’s the joy of the struggle.
You freeze there and can’t move.
That’s it, they say. You are
going to be fine. You hold on to that,
they say. No pain without gain,
they say, as you try not to cry.
An American Poem
This is an American poem;
I should insert
a nature image here.
I should purple
the mountains up,
like a god. Then I’ll chew
the scenery
until there’s nothing left
to suck from it.
This is an American poem;
it contains a rigged dance
of myth and cynicism.
In here we
we step on
each others’ toes
then apologize nonstop until
the pain becomes so strong
we cannot help but lash out.
In every true American poem
there should be exuberant
ghosts and the sound
of babies, crying, screaming,
playing. Doing all the things
American babies have always done.
If you write it, they say:
Not the babies, please. Leave
the babies out of it, they are precious
and innocent. Bah, humbug,
you say even though it’s
the Fourth of July. The Fourth
of July is built on dead children,
uses fireworks to justify
a war everlasting.
In every great American poem
should be an America over half
of its readers do not recognize.
What’s that about ghosts? Don’t you
recognize yourself in there?
Still cheering, still writing,
but reversed. A good mirror
shows you your other side.
A better one shows you more than one.
This is my American poem and if it’s any good
it’s chafing you like the dish on the table
with the turkey and all those sides
while the country, the nation,
even the purple mountains above it all
look at all of us wondering
where they went wrong
that this is how it feels now
to write an American poem.
A Being In A High Wind
— for Robert Bly
On the side
of a Maine mountain
while walking toward
a bare stone summit
a high wind storms up
out of nowhere.
I know how to walk
against this sort of nuisance
when I’m on level ground,
but this feels
different. Moss underfoot,
and if I slip I may fall —
non-fatally, but far enough
to be in pain, to perhaps need
assistance or even rescue
afterward. But I’m so close
to the highest point I’ve ever
reached on my own — this
high wind out of nowhere,
it’s nothing. If I fall, I might fall
or I might fly, I might rise
even farther. If I call out
for aid upon falling?
Whatever being might answer
might choose me to let me fall,
or might elevate me — whoever
or whatever makes the choice,
I should be grateful
that I was here
upon this mountain
for as long as it took
to be chosen.
Across The Street
Across the street
Joe has hung
an American flag
with one blue stripe
out the window.
Calls the cops
on the Black folks next door
at least once a month
for “looking in his windows”
or “parking too close to his driveway.”
It’s a narrow city street
in a low down part of town
and no one’s got room enough
to park their cars without being
on top of each other,
but Joe still blows the snow
from his driveway
against the windows of
his neighbors all winter long
in an expression of his displeasure.
Loudly calls the folks next door
“the monkeys.” The cops
always come when he calls,
never do a damn thing,
but come out every time.
Joe likes to complain out loud
to everyone about all of this.
“What? I’m not supposed to have
property rights just because
I’m a registered sex offender?”
Joe’s son has a daughter.
I see her now and then
on the porch
sitting on Joe’s lap when they
come to visit.
At least,
I assume it’s his granddaughter.
There can’t be any other
explanation. There just
can’t be.
One time, someone
put a brick through
Joe’s windshield. He
called the cops and blamed
the next door neighbor.
The cops came
and talked to everyone.
Kept them separate,
said they could
prove nothing, did nothing.
I wish there was
something just and right
to say here,
but all I’ve got is that
I’d move
but where is it going to be
any different unless
you go so far away you can’t
be found? Until then, I take comfort
knowing that I still have
more bricks in the backyard
should it come down
to that again, and
the cops have yet to cross the street
whenever they’ve come:
the same cops who told me
that I should have known better
than to live here after the break-in
a few years ago, that things like that
never get solved in this neighborhood;
the same cops who took four hours
on a Saturday night to come look at
the totaled cars when the stolen car
sideswiped half the street and was left
at the bottom of the hill in pieces;
the same cops who came through
our backyards with assault rifles
and dogs looking for a killer who
(we later learned) walked right by them
in drag down the sidewalk.
I could go on and on and on
but it’s all happening across
the street right now, and
I can’t move, so here I sit
on my bricks without a flag to fly.
To Desire
to desire is to have
a hand full of
smoke,
wisps slipping
between
fingers as they
disspate. to desire
is to be ready
to close
a hand upon
what may never be
seized although
that smoke seems
thick enough to
be held. to desire
is to understand
nothing but
a need to hold smoke
as it rises from
fire around your feet.
hold it like a staff.
hold it like a handle
for rake or shovel.
better to desire than
to hold what you desire.
to hold is to require
action once it’s in your hand.
to desire is
to play with
smoke as if it were
more than
ungraspable scent
and obscured vision,
is to ignore
how fiercely
you are burning.
What You Can Get Away With
What you can get away with
in here is
at least three murders a day
depending on your
choice of food and
drink and how much
electricity you use and
where you drive and how far
and for what purpose
What you can get away with
in here is
tossing out a storm cloud
of sharp words for fun
as we used to do
with good old
lawn darts
(c’mon, you never met
a soul damaged by lawn darts
after all
must be one of those
legends the weak tell
to shut the strong up)
and then laughing
when they penetrate
someone’s head
What you can get away with
in here is
cartoons on sports jerseys
and high school recreations of
important-to-the-infrastructure
massacres by bullet
by oil and steel and a hundred
paper cuts from lethal treaties
What you can get away with
in here is
blinkered messaging and
whistling for hunting dogs
for some moonlight or daylight scramble
after prey you don’t even know but
once you corner them you can decide
you know enough
to pour blood out on the soil
(not to spill it
it’s no accident)
What you can get away with
in here is
blindly misunderstanding
who lets you get away
with all this and why
it serves them to have you
become what you are
and remain here laughing
and tossing and shooting and
buying and selling and
what’s a little blood anyway
