Tag Archives: poems

Safe Space

when I drive into a city near an airport
and (through what I always hope
is some trick of perspective)
see a long-winged plane appearing to aim itself
at a tall building

I feel something shrivel inside

I do not know which organs shrink

but I know that one organ
that does not shrink
is my heart
that is too full of old blood
to diminish so
it wouldn’t be safe to be around me
if it were to compress so

all I know is that suddenly there’s a contraction
and though nothing’s being born
there is a void where there was something
a clearing left inside
by a drawing back of everything else

while it refills more quickly than it once did
it still takes a while to feel right again

it can’t be good that my innards are so terrified of an illusion
it can’t be good that after each incident I ask myself

what is safety

there’s one video out there of that first strike in New York City
taken by chance by a crew filming something else
I’ve only seen it once
I can’t watch it again without that same void opening within
I know what I would see
I would see once again my coworkers dying
I don’t need to see that
I turn my head instead
toward the farce of a safe space

what is safety

what is safety to those who came through not as survivors
but as beaten witnesses
to those who came through such times
with scars we are ashamed to admit we bear

because really what did we see
what in fact happened to us
compared to others

nothing happened to us
nothing happened to me

except now my organs collapse and expand
I go from hollow to bursting in seconds
I don’t ever feel safe for very long

what is safety

we went back to work
in the building with the empty desks
we put televisions in every corner
in case there was all at once an announcement
of an explanation
televisions on at all times in every corner
we walked around for months in there
with the televisions on

we went back to the building
after we sang for our dead
and the children of our dead
we thought of them as our dead
built a wall for them near the parking lot
built a wall and a garden
where the music is always on

years later in that building
the televisions are still on
all set to the news
waiting for the announcement
of an explanation
that will never come

those few of us who remain
from the days when we walked around that building
as if possessed by those who had seen what lay beyond
speak only to each other of those times
as we would like to speak of them

when we are asked by those
who were not there
we talk a different way
because it feels that
no matter how many people

are present
the teller
is in fact
the only listener 

sometimes I have to go outside
to get away from it all
and talk myself solid again

out there I am reminded that

the honeybees are vanishing
as are the monarchs
as are the long winged albatrosses
and who knows
what the world is meant to look like now
or where the safe spaces are

what is safe or sacred
what is worth cherishing
when honeybees and monarchs are vanishing
and the long-winged albatrosses might disappear

when someone asks me
what it was like

a dead weight
on my neck
squeezes a story out of me
in an affectless voice
with eyes set dead ahead
leaving a void
same way every time

I saw it all

still see it all
the broken walls

the broken birds
again and again
the birds

fly into the walls
the bird
flies into the wall
the bird
falls into the field

is there a place where
those long winged birds
land safely

how far ahead
is an end


fact:
long winged albatrosses
fly almost endlessly
only landing to feed
breed
or die

safety
is the only benefit
of extinction  


The United States Versus The Constellations

The difference between them

is that the United States
is a density of data
and there are many ways to parse it
into patterns.  Everyone
defends their own interpretation
to the death and beyond, while

each constellation
is a paucity of data;
we share interpretations
of them; no one ever dies about
whether we call it Orion
or not. Also, everyone

looks up to the constellations.


Greyhound

They were quietly getting it on
in the last row
and we all knew it,

but we thought back to when
we got it on in the trailer
with friends “sleeping” three feet away,

or when we held our breath in the closet
as we sat in there clutching each other
when a parent came home early from work,

or how we lay together so still in the bushes
hoping no one would miss us from the party
for very long,

then turned our faces away
and tried to handle our own business
without letting on that we knew.


Walk, Don’t Run, Rebel Rouser

Grappled all night
with nostalgia
until I was too tired
to get away,
so I called out

radio, help:

play “Walk, Don’t Run.”
Play “Rebel Rouser’ ”
or “Pipeline.”  

Songs of movement,
no lyric clutter, good beat
plus a pure skin-crawling sense
that what once was
must still be out there;
that’s what I need to have.

I don’t much care
for the music of my youth.
It was mostly lies.
I don’t love it much unless
I need to grow teeth
and gnaw my leg off
to escape
from some bloody crush
of the jaws of time,
and it hurts,
it hurts
but it’s sometimes
is all that there is 
so when it happens

Telstar me,
Sleepwalk me,
Rumble me,
Wipeout me;

my longing for those songs
means I’m trapped and they
are the only way out.
 
 


A Step Back

Everything is labeled “Must See.”
Everything is marked “Can’t Miss.”

Sales, marketing,
the ritual dance.

This is a bombardment,
not a civilization.

This is the flocking of vulturous pigeons
to feed on the seeds of possible tomorrows.

It’s all a shame, an arresting argument.
Everything is a pea under the only mattress.

There’s only one painting for all of this
and it is named “The Fantasy Of Swimming In Shit.”

Only one song releases us
and it’s called “Sitting By The Stonehenge Fires.”

With closed eyes you might see what it might be
without this air to breathe.

You are not alone, you know.
None of us are, no matter how blindered we feel.

 


Thinking Of Rocks

Did you ever stop to think,
or instead did you just keep going
while you thought?

The stones on the pathway
have it right:  stay still, they insist,
stay still!  

Zero out the movement.
Let all else hurtle along.
Turtle yourself up and think,

or feel.  Sense something
and allow it voice.
Stay still!

There is so much to learn,
so much to know — for instance,
think about the skin that rocks develop

between their innards
and those who’d break them.
Armor so thick it seems to go

all the way through, and that’s
the point.  They stay still and
integrated top to bottom, inside

to out.  Stop completely and think about it…
feel that growing hardness, that reluctance 
to get back into the rapids?  Progress.

Even if you fall back in now, all you’ll be is wet,
not bent or broken. It would take centuries at the least
to change you now.

 


The Black Hat

I love
the black hat 

it feels great
to say that 

look close
white hat’s

dirty
while black hat’s

not
or not showing anyway

I love the black hat 
just for that

how in its blackness
it absorbs what it attracts

and if you call it
symbolic of evil or uniform

for outlaw games then
you miss that it integrates

messy experience more than
the white hat does

I love putting on
the black hat

watching people hear me
differently

seeing what I can
slip by with

learning so much more
than if I were villainous

in
white

 


Storm

Defense
against.  Offense
against.  
Siege in progress.

These colors don’t run,
these walls hold fast,  these weapons 
never have an opportunity
to rust.

Smell the iron on the wind:
whose blood is that?

Close edge of the surrounding wood —
two does, one fawn,
peering out of darkness under
the pines.

Rain on the wind, 
wall of nimbus behind the trees.
Two soldiers crying now
as they have not till now.  

Why cry? Comrades,
the storm is made to refresh us — 
be washed, be ready, 

for the deer
have just fled back
under the pines.

 


Gourmands

What we’ve been eating is mostly
fictional — no, that’s not it.

What we’ve been eating is mostly
lazy precooked and flash frozen —

that’s more like it, that’s true enough,
but not quite what I want to say about it.

What we’ve been eating is what we are.
A tangled cliche?  They become cliche 

for a reason: they’re true. Follow it:
what we’ve been eating is colonialism’s fodder.

What we have been eating
is utterly simplified and dumbed down.

What we’ve been eating is killing us?
Of course it is.  The essence of the dying diet

is that we’re told to eat to survive and enjoy and delight
and it’s all empty and we end up hollow —

ah, almost there, on top of it, yes —
we are what we eat

and what we’ve been eating
are lies.

 


Tree Talk

what they started with: willow. willow bark for smoke
and for pain. tie the young branches into circles 
and it’s for play, the children understanding the circle
and joy therein.  you could do worse than start with willow.
there is grace in willow, willow allows us our interpretation of willow —

unlike oak, stony oak, granite oak always itself.
the tree presenting as rock. smell broken oak and you know at once
it’s more mineral than tree.  make up stories about oak, pretend to know it
at your peril.  even they only came to oak
once they’d mastered willow and birch and apprenticed to maple;

you can’t come straight at oak or it will snap you up.  
you need to know these things.  pretty soon they may be
the only allies we have left, the ones who get trees the way they get
us, the ones who look like us but don’t scare as easily.  you need to know
what they know about trees and how concrete fails when challenged by roots.

not going to suggest you’ll ever be one of them but with any luck
they may deign to let you survive.  maybe get to know willow, a few words of it
at the least: joy, smoke, pain, circles. no one knows if that will be enough
but it will be a start.  and no, i’m not coming with you.  it’s a little late for me
and someone has to hang back and listen to the concrete scream.

 


Mr. Bad Idea

Oh, Mr. Bad Idea!
Favorite cousin 
in my extended family,
come up and hug my neck
with your icy meat paws,
smear me with one evil kiss
from your greasepaint devil’s face!  

Take me out, get me drunk
and let me slip, in disguise and unnoticed,
to the floor of a convenient dive!
I’ve been such a good sweet piece
of lard for too long; elevate me
by bringing me low then work me till 
I stink like old yogurt,
you bastard, you brother!

Then, Mr. Bad Idea,
what I really want is to adopt
one of your little bad ideas.
I think
I could make it happy, fatten it up,
make it sleek.  I think it’ll work out,
but then again

if metaphor were a firecracker, 
I’d have handled it badly
and likely wound up without
an eye, thumb, or testicle years ago.  
Mr. Bad Idea,
how is it you’re always intact enough
when you are around me
that I forget this and all the rest
of my years of sense?
They call this forgetting  
something else 
in my support group, a name
I can never remember in time
to keep it from happening.

Mr. Bad Idea, you think
we’d be past this.  You’d think
we would be so intimately acquainted
by now that we’d be on more normal terms;
I’d merely entertain you now and then
and hold you at bay the rest of the time.
But you old wolverine!  You badger full
of flammable cotton!  How you do
tear your way in where it’s least wanted — 
in the face of the Queen, in the dark crook
of my left throat.  

I’m telling everyone:
you see me bloated with a Bad Idea,
you better be a friend
and kill that out of me.

 


Caveat

I would love you more,
my activist, my firebrand,
if you could allow all of me in;

if I detected anything more
to your passion than a lust
for right pegs in right holes,

if I thought you truly loved people 
for the complex, contradictory,
dense ghosts they are

and not as you wish they were:
symbolic husks, bullets in your
slide deck on what’s wrong with the world.


Taste Of Failure

Apparently,
failure is delicious;
so many of my hungry neighbors
seem to wait for it to show up
then dive upon it open-mouthed,
wet-jawed.

I can’t share that appetite,
perhaps because there have been
so many times when my own tongue
on my own skin caught a trace
of that flavor, and I looked up
and saw myself as prey.

The failures start screaming
as the raveners approach.
I do my best to get between them
but then I wake up. There’s a
taste in my mouth that’s worse
than normal, or maybe it is normal.


Solstice

August and it’s clear
that she’s aiming for autumn again:
dark in the early morning again,
dark in the early evening again. 

If you asked Gaia
what it feels like
as she turns through a solstice,

would she sniffle a bit
at how comet-hearted,
hard-headed time was treating you,

or would she point to Australia
and say 

it’s their turn now so stop whining.
How quickly you’ve gone sour,
nature lover, now that your turn
is ending.

Tomorrow, it will be
dark in the early evening, 
dark in the early morning — 
much as it was here today,
and it will be the same in Perth
as it is here.  

Gaia moves,
the Wheel moves;

you should prepare
for coming cold 
as your doppelganger in Perth
should get ready for summer;

your crestfallen sense
of wasted time should be balanced 
by your double’s joy in anticipation;

and you both should know
that to Gaia neither will make
the least bit of difference.

 


Unquiet Desperation

A formal peace
has descended upon me
after rejecting bondage
by my own expectations: for example,

daylight outside keeps changing
from clouded to bright.  Because
I had no television on this morning
I did not expect this.

Nothing that it is happening
has been anticipated.  I am free
to just react and then act.  I am free
because of refusal to do

what I always do. Stubborn
rebellion against what is expected,
no matter how small, is called for.
Living as others do is uncalled for

in a land of quiet desperation.
Every third person is dying
from slow suicide.  Yes, I may end up
dead more swiftly this way. Ah, well.