Cat is asleep in the spare room.
Today is perfect, hot,
bright, and boring as hell.
I am tired still, five hours
awake, fed lightly, no drinks,
tired — did I say that? Yes,
I said that —

do I repeat myself? Yes,
apparently so.

Cat stretches
and spins, goes back to sleep
in the same spot she has been in
all morning, spins around to be
exactly the same as she has been

and the day is hot, bright, boring
as hell, hotter than hell too;

I am ready to sleep in the same place
I was in before I rose — did I do that?
Yes, apparently so. I can’t help
where I sleep, where I slept.

Cat keeps on sleeping as she has been
since before I got up five hours ago

and this day feels like all the others
except I’m aware of it and of my blood
on the pillow — just a small spot,
minute even, from the smaller wound
on my face where I scratched it
unconsciously in sleep. Cat

is still asleep ten minutes later
and this day is still hot and bright
and I’m aware of my bleeding
now being over, until the next time,
the next time I bleed apparently,

with the cat sound asleep and the day
not hotter — cooler even.

I’m not sure how I will ever
get to sleep again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T

Wind, gale force
but tiny, lasting
less than a minute,

three seconds at most,
raising alarm for
just that long.

Three people
— a poet, a television star,
a rock star enfeebled

by age and illness —
die and make the news
unlike thousands,

ten thousand others,
who die unnoticed
except for the people

who know them.
It always comes
in threes —

three seconds of wind,
three seconds of notable dying,
three seconds of seeing and feeling

what is happening,
at least for me. It always
comes in threes:

things I notice.
I hold my breath waiting
for more, every time.

They happen, of course.
Thousands
of things happen.

I shake myself free
of wind, of deaths,
of counting.

In three seconds
there will be more.
Four, five…many more;

I fall into it,
close my eyes,
wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T

All day long
the wind still blows
all over the sky,
and I am powerless
to change things like that —

try to change the sky,
I say; I dare you. Try to make
the rain shift

and you and I will both
get wet, both of us
ending up soaked
to the skin under our
clothes.

The rain doesn’t care,
so why should I? Let it

fall, let it pour like
cold coffee,
let it drop its astringent
mercy on the impatient
folly of the folks below

like me, like you;
let it wash away any hope
left to us to think about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T

A poem or a footprint —
ground beneath either one
shakes and forms around its edge,
its rim of influence.

What if it’s
a bad poem? What if it is
a toxic print, made by someone
who had evil intent?

No matter — a bad poem
will erase itself, lifting itself
as if it had been made
on one of those magic erase boards —

raise the clear skin,
it vanishes.

No matter — a poisoned print
will wear down, become
one with clean earth —
any trace of it will disappear.

As will I,
one day. Perhaps soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T

I ate the last of the strawberries
from a red bowl in the refrigerator.

Couldn’t have been more than
four teaspoons; unsweetened,

lumpy from improper processing
but still perfectly good, even without sugar.

I don’t remember doing this. I know
I did it — the evidence is there,

or rather is not there; it’s hard to recall this
action or string of actions. I don’t recall

the taste, just the record of tasting.
I don’t recall the washing of the bowl,

but it is back in the cupboard and clean
so I must have done so, though I have

no memory, not even a fragment.
It is like this now:

a moment is taken before an act;
blank time fills in the spaces;

I recall none of it, just
the clouds before the time,

and even that is uneven, irregular,
full of nothing. All I know

is that I ate the strawberries from the bowl
and washed the bowl after I was done

and it happened sometime in the morning
after something horrendous happened elsewhere

and I was part of neither occurrence,
was just present here and my memory

has let them both go. I’ll have to read
the news for the latter, if I choose to;

I will never recall the former even if
I try. I do try and try. And then I let it go.

But the bowl was red, I think.
The berries were red as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T

Sitting very quietly at home
with reams of paper, with
insurance policies and
retirement requirements,
examining and judging
all the cheery pictures
of older folks looking happy
and serene with their choices.

I am also sitting
very quietly at home
in pain but not in pain, sad but
not sad, confused beyond it all
with a jumble of thought
in my surfeit of damaged brain.

All the time
the bushes out front
sit not as quietly
brushing against the windows
while a mockingbird across the road
tells her story over and over
like a mystery I need
to solve on this stunning day.

My eyes close, stroke-shuttered
and weary as the country,
demanding more from this land
than I have borne.

I am finally old and
realize
there’s something
in the voice of a bird
that I must listen to
from my own silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T

If it doesn’t matter
what I do or say,

then I can do anything
or nothing and they will

be the same, have the same
impact — either

the cataclysm
or the whimper;

doesn’t matter as
whether I do or not has

an enormous impact,
a furred beast crashing

into thoughts and dreams,
or little or nothing — either way

fastens me in knots,
binds me up either way —

I stand still watching breathessly
until it is chosen for me,

chosen by whim,
selected by cloud whether

storm or calm,
broken or whole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T

There came a Friday
after a week of fatigue.
I longed bodily and spiritually;
it left me famished and
looking for a meal

from the poem I was offered.
I took what was given to me
as if it were all I would ever have
again — Friday came and went
and was left behind along with

this meager work,
all I have to take for nourishment —
eh, it is what I have been given.
I should be thankful for it.
Should take a morsel

and let it be a bountiful feast.
But still — I have a hunger
unsatisfied. I long to tear in
to a colossal portion. But
I take what I am offered,

though it is far from enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T

The question
after the strokes
was how he would
learn to live like this:

each hand leaden
and his feet too; unable
to get up; deafened
by average sound
and his memory and sense
always a split behind.

To start out he learned
that he looked like a star,
all skinny, all fizzy,
all dangerous
to the touch.

To keep going
he imagined himself
a continuous
mistake, wire-haired and badly
groomed.

He knew he smelled
remarkably like
a shroom-covered problem
of mysterious physics.

He looked at the earth itself
as if it were a boil
waiting to burst all over
the nearest portions of the
cosmos, leaving the close-flung
dirt to sort itself out.

He came back thinking
his memory of a past life
when he was younger
had at least to be
imaginable.

To finish with that
he sat quietly in a disheveled room
and dreamed of something
different.

After all was said and done
there just had, dear Lord,
there had to be
something different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T