Category Archives: poetry

Rocky Top

My brain pummels me to sleep
and drills me awake with

“Rocky Top” playing on loop

Reminds me 
of a band (what the hell
was their name?)

that used to play at
the Depot Lounge
on Tuesday nights

over forty years ago
and once again it’s 
time for that virus of

damnable nostalgia 
that ties a regret stone
to each ankle — stones

torn no doubt 
from the summit
of Rocky Top

I shall drown soon enough
in past happenings
(what in hell were the names

of all the hellions
from back then?
Not even sure of my own)

The Depot Lounge 
was where I learned
the extent of my drowning skills

No amount of Rocky Top
could keep me afloat back then
and it’s not helping now

I’m sinking fast listening to
a song of Tennessee 
in Massachusetts

(as is the whole country
as is the whole world 
but I digress –)

What in hell was the name
of the band that would set up
in the front by the bar

on Tuesday nights
under the projection screen
(was it even the Depot Lounge

or a different local bar?
There were so many
I have lost the names for them all)

They’d play Rocky Top
Home sweet home to me
and all us Yankees would sing along

In a downward spiral
I sing Rocky Top
Good Old Rocky Top

Had me a girl once
Half Bear, other half Cat
What was the name of that band

and the name of that girl
or any other from then
or anyone from then

Who was I back then
but another drunk
circling the drain

I wish I was in Rocky Top
Rocky Top home to me
but it wasn’t and in my head

there is no place like home
and horror and all the music
of the past can’t hold me up

I should put a hole in my head
and let this out
What was the name

of that band
I don’t blame them 
for being forgotten

I wish I was in Rocky Top
I could hold on to the edge of this pit
while singing dumbly along

until I could stand no more
 let go and swirl away
Vanish like that band has done

once the song was done


Fever Ball

Part of a secret project…!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

see them all?

at first
say

peacock boys slide
their glorious backs 
along the walls

glowing girls
dance together
out on the floor
away from the shadows
on the walls

but then say

who dares to say
which is which
who is who

shoulders upon shoulders
bodies spin against 
time and convention
to ratchet rasping rhythm

in a ghost ballroom

above
a ruinous city 

perhaps new Paris
or old Havana
or a pure fiction
of both at once

awash in peril and sex

their glitter hands
roaming and now

under the roar of sacred danger
see them glide into 
this jeweled wake
this fever cotillion
of open desire
and clandestine tension

see them all as they move
along the walls

away from the walls

hear them
sing…


South Station

He passes me in South Station — 

his duffel bag more duct tape than fabric,
his hair a stiff, frayed field, 
his sweatshirt bearing the words
“UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK”
showing from under his puffy coat —

and I hear him
softly but emphatically repeating

BLONDE
BLONDE
BLONDE
BLONDE
BLONDE

as he goes out 
unapologetically into
slushy old Boston’s
colonial headwaters,

that universal password
relentless 
upon his chapped lips.


Labels

People with 
full face beards and

hollow cheeks; people

of glitter and loud 
music, of difference and
fragrance unlike yours, people

who seem to represent
luxury 
overlaid
on poverty —

you are not certain of how
to label them: male, female, 
rich, poor? They are certainly

people: grim people,
angry people, or 
maybe
simply 
worried people —

see the way their eyes
move above their beards.
See them flick back and forth

from you, to their neighbors, 
back to you, wondering
what you are thinking,

looking for safety among those 
like them. It has been
a hard world, after all,

and full beards cannot hide
hollow cheeks, or fear,
forever. You are

not certain of how
to label them?
D
o not. It is

one small thing
you can do
in a vicious world.


Monkey Toy Man

Put that
existential moan
on lockdown

and admit that your well-being
is a salesman
clapping and hooting

for attention. Monkey
toy causing a ruckus
and not even a real ape —

automaton, cheap
screwed together
simulacrum and 

a bad one at that.
You reached an accord long ago
with it. Let it

holler your praises
and you’d agree
to stay alive for it

because you don’t do it
for yourself. Instead
you made up the clanging beast

who percussively masks
the real you and damned
if it hasn’t worked and now

any time you feel
the need for quiet
you have to contend

with everyone who thinks
you are lying. Big noise
huckster. Are you in there

still? Stifle that real answer.
We know what we want to hear
and you better give it up.


Sitting In The Waiting Room

Overheard:

“Do you think most people
are incapable of understanding 
that sometimes, a suicide
is a final act of reconciling
the physical body with 
an interior life ended years ago?

Do you suppose that they might someday see that 
the act might be organically corrective;
that sometimes the soul passes long before 
the shell of the soul breaks 
and whatever has compelled the body to fight on
eventually surrenders?

Do you think they will ever understand us? 

And if you could know for certain
that they would understand, 
before or after the fact?
Wouldn’t that make it easier?”

I turned to see who was speaking.

Our room was so full,
it could have been everyone.


Christmas At The Feeder

Here’s to fortune and health
for all the downy woodpeckers
I’ve ever seen on my feeder

It’s almost Christmas and I feel nothing
but fear for myself as I wish good cheer
to every last feathered one of them

Before they disappear forever
into the next mass extinction
may they feast and be merry

all the way to the end (and
may the squirrels I accidentally support as well
have a twinkle in their eyes as they pass)

It doesn’t much feel like Christmas to me
but when I see the animals I’m reminded
that part of the world

thinks they’ll be talking to each other
at midnight on Christmas Day
and they’ll be saying calming things

about some baby or another born to save us
If we make it to the Second Coming
I’m sure there won’t be many animals 

left to talk about it
So for now I’ll encourage them to eat
and smile at their heads bobbing in and out

because as the song says
it don’t feel much like Christmas time
To me it’s more like Good Friday

and grief’s darkness and I’m thinking
we won’t make it to Easter 
and the stone will sit there unmoved

with a raven and a dove perched on top
for a few seconds before they topple
into the dust 

Of all the myths we’ve lived by
the one I have the least faith in
is the one that taught us to think death

while awful was impermanent
so complacency in the face of extinction
was a rational state of mind

The downy woodpeckers fly in
and eat when they can and when they go
they’re gone

and it doesn’t feel like Christmas
or hope or belief or even joy 
will stick around for long

once they’re gone for good


The Origin Of The Modern Serial Killer

You long for the frontier
of old, long for 
the joy of getting a medal
for your massacre skills.

These days,
you have to be
discreet.

Get a secret tool
you can use 
with black iron edge or
silver that sings.

Learn to swing it,
where and how
to stop it.

Start your practice
at home, move it to
the car, at last strap
yourself and walk among
your targets
like an old school
hunter, settler, pioneer,
colonizer deluxe;

bloodline cleanser
one hundred and fifty years
too late to go public — 
too bad 
they don’t pay for scalps anymore:

you could have made a killing.


Eros

Hands, fantastic
element I adore;
touch, medicine
against my eternal
submergence;

skin upon skin, preservation
I cannot offer to myself,
though salvation lies beyond
that moment of submission
to perfection; 

eyes, beloved
altars; sound
of conjoined breathing
rising and slowing,
a chant in the cathedral.

I long for such divinity
as if I would be lost forever
without it. I lose myself
for it, find myself beyond it:
here I am. Thus, I am.


When The Check Gets Here

When the check gets here
we will open the front door
For the first time in days
we’ll go outside to the sunlight

(that’s been here all along
but which has felt more like the agent
of exposure and threat
of relegation to the street

than the giver of life and joy)
When the check arrives we will dance
the grocery dance and sing the song
of the one small luxury for each of us

bought alongside the staples we will take home
to our empty shelves that have whispered of death
every time we have passed them
for — who can recall the full amount of time?

It has seemed like forever
or maybe a month of those
When the check comes we might heat the house
We might leave a light on all night by mistake

and not curse it in the morning
Maybe we will offer the good cat food
two days in a row
and rejoice in the purring

We will stare at the gas gauge
a little less carefully and turn off 
the calculator nagging inside
for today anyway

When the check comes in
we might swear to never get this low again
When the check comes in 
we might swear to never ever getting this low again

Every check’s a prayer these days — 
not an answer to a prayer but a prayer itself
We fold our hands around it and ask it
to take away pain and give us hope

to free us from the tyranny of barely getting by
and the guilt we feel for buying one small luxury
The side-eye from the people in the stores who see it
in our carts otherwise full of shame

They might be suffering too
whenever they’re waiting for their next check
but we look at them the way they look at us
and somehow forget that all of us

are in this by someone else’s design


Where Is The Center?

Where is the center?

There were solid dreams there once.
It held stone and tree;

sheltered fox, eagle, and all the hope
of the ocean.
It was 
the paradox of sky above us
whose origin is in our depths.

We sold it cheap for false peace.
Handed it off for promises of distant wealth. 

In its place, a deep hole light can’t crack. 
A cavern that once held a molten core
now glimmers with rime ice.

When the wind whistles
across the mouth of that pit?
What a thin dirge.
We pass through, singing along.

When we catch each others’ eyes,
it’s all we can do to stifle our screams.


Cold Guitar

She’s on your mind

as you struggle
into the club

with your gear,
coming in from cold

that will bust your guitar’s finish
wide open into something like

a road map if the case
is opened too soon.

There you sit with a beer
staring at the case,

thinking of songs for her
you haven’t written

that you promised yourself
you’d write, and now

would be the perfect time for it
if only it would warm up.

Then again, there’s tomorrow
to consider, and spring eventually,

and the right song takes time
and heat and more time; and 

the thought of her is receding now,
the previous urgency diminishing

even as the time comes
to pull the guitar gingerly out

and play your songs for strangers,
songs you wrote for her

in warmer days. Songs
you are selling, if you can,

to anyone who will listen.


Morning, November 2019

A corrosion of our shared faith
in how sunrise should feel
to a night chilled face.

A wasting disease
of our individual hopes: failing, wilting,
drained of heat and blood.

An injury to the bones.
An insult to the stones
below our feet. A consummation

of historical tangles
of wrong paths and missteps
and mythic levels of stubborn denial

leashed to pure and wholesome
Evil. It puts words
into our mouths no one

fully understands,
but we speak them
anyway. In this ending,

all words trend toward
inscrutability. Confused,
sunrise stumbles on without us.


Rope, Knot, God, Ground

When you get to
the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hold on. 

By which is meant,
you’ve got to let it go
if you are going to tie it.

Which means of course
you’ve got to let go
and let God.

Which means
you have to have faith that the same God
who created and established gravity 

will suspend it just for you 
this one time just so you can tie that knot
and hold on.

Which means
that if it really pleased God,

you could just float there 

without needing the rope 
or the knot
in the first place.

That God must want you
to die of absurdity, must be
a capricious entity;

you are
a joke
to them.

Why don’t you just let go, 
forego the knot,
see what happens?

Maybe there’s a God,
maybe there’s no God.

Maybe you’ll float

or maybe you’ll fall;
maybe the ground’s
not far at all.

Look at the end of the rope up there,
growing smaller and smaller
as you descend.

Bye, bye, rope. Bye bye, knot.
Bye bye, God of caprice
and mutable law.

Something’s rising
toward you
from below.

Hello, unknown landing,
soft or hard. Hello, 
place where cliches end.

No rope, no knot.
Solid ground, 
all the solid ground you need. 


Thanksgiving Eve

Revised. From 2008.

Yes, I know the first official Thanksgiving Day 
was ordered to celebrate 
the massacre of 700 Pequots 
in 1637.

Yes, I feel accountable
to those dead 
for joining the annual amnesiac rush
to hide behind the lie
of a feast 16 years earlier in Plymouth 
that is used these days 
to screen us from how we cruise 
upon an ocean of blood.

Yes, I annually balance 
that shame on the end of a fork.

Yes, yes, to holding tight to the memory
of death in the fields around villages
burning like candles on the shore
of Long Island Sound.

Yes, yes, to the horrid past alive
in every bite of every American dish
eaten every day.

Yes, yes, though,
to days off and family
and people unseen since last year;
to knowing some of these faces
will likely be not here next year,
perhaps not even 
my own.

Yes, yes, yes.
Yes to our own remaking.
Yes to surviving the remaking of others.

Yes to the remaking of myths
through truth applied more as lesson,
less as bludgeon.