Author Archives: Tony Brown

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details.

UNTITLED!

nothing shall be untitled!

do not refuse to name it!
it will be cagey and take a name
you don’t like
if you’re not quick!

eat it before it grows
self-aware
and does the job without you!

ABSORB it into yourself
then squeeze it out and admire it!
It’s you, leftover!

let it take your own
goddamned name
if that’s all you can think of!

make part of it into your elbow knob
or perhaps a bladder cell!

you’re a discarded stick in the mud
waiting to take root
and drop fruit all around you!
here’s the chance
you’ve been waiting for!

put a name on it!
it’s not roadkill!
it’s a kid! a pet!
an ancestor! a tractor
for your field work!
dig a trench of letters!
raise up a voice to the sky
and call it something!
anything!  call it!
you’ll never get it to stay with you
otherwise!

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Grenade’s Night Out

Before last call
you convince yourself
that they are paying attention to you
by telling yourself
they could tell with one glance
that you are a live grenade.
This must be a heroic act. 
They must sense how dangerous
you are to yourself and others,
can see your obvious potential
for causing widespread distress
so they’re all over you.

If this is happening,
that is.  It may not be.
And soon you admit that It isn’t. 
So you go home alone
because it’s getting brighter outside.

Ho hum, nothing new,
you awaken still a little drunk
after only two hours of sleep. 

On the couch again
with the laptop
and another final poem you can’t get right,
flying by the seat of your briefs,
no coffee in you yet.
You haven’t raised the shades in weeks.
It tells the world no one’s here.

So what?
You’re sprung,
been flung,
the pin’s already been pulled. 
When you eventually explode in a forest,
a bar or an apartment,
if no one’s there to hear it,
it won’t make a sound.  So
why not have a little fun
before that happens and convince yourself
there’s a chance
you’ll be regretted?

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The Question

What if
you allowed yourself
to be a fist
in the presence of
your enemies?  Not to
raise a fist, but to be one:

carry your whole being
in a ball and
resist the blows while you hold tight
to yourself?  And when
the conflict is over,
with no memory of violence
against another:  the fist
you were is gone,

you’re an open hand again.

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Prayer For The Oversaturated

O world,
shut up tonight
with your nagging and your
breathless reporting
upon the trivial
and your endless tugging
upon my sleeve…

I need a rest tonight
from consideration
of the right and the left,
the good and the bad.

When it comes down to it
I don’t know much of what it will take
to make a new world.  Half
of my possibly useful head
is filled with gossip, borrowed theories,
gut feelings and dementia —

I need a moment here.

I need a moment
for something that doesn’t feel
overextended from a real thing
I could actually experience
on my own.

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Most Haunted Places In America

1.
The most haunted places in America
are schools.

Not graveyards, not hospitals
or roads devoid of light. 
Places where massacres
occurred come close.

Incomplete lives walk the halls,
brush by you as you pass through,
sit crowded silently in rows,
staring at you with cellophane eyes.

Watch them,
some of them still in the flesh,
come to the board
and touch definitions chalked up there
for ease
in sorting:

red, brown,
yellow, black;

poor, rich,
good boy,
good girl;

blocked out in
white chalk
for all to see.

See them slip through those walls
as if they did not exist, slip into
the world, mystery children
grown into mystery adults
who do not understand each other.

2.
This is a ghost factory and
you’re a product, most likely,
but who dares blame
anyone for this? 

They taught
the plan they were given, you learned
the things you were taught. 

If something
made no sense,
you whispered the truth
no matter that no one listens:
I’m something else.  Not this.

Your whole life became a whisper
aimed at the ears of those who could hear.

3.
And all that talk
about
preparing the new
workforce —

what about
preparing them
to think?  Is that the
antithesis of work?
To teach them how
to stand outside themselves
and see the larger
world, its slots and pigeon holes —

to teach them how to fly
on their variegated wings?

4.
Something stirring now —

the urge to tell
truth in its colors,
not pure colors, not assigned
hues, but the real thing:

the urge to life. the urge and duty
and passion for seeing

their eyes
opaque again,
solid and alive;

learning to see
what’s true, what is
not simple:

exorcisms
of generations
of ghosts,

the breaking of spectral chains
wherever they’re found.

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Tetragrammaton

Once upon a time —
and even now —
people sought (and seek)
the ability to pronounce
the four letter
True Name
Of God.

It is alleged that to speak it
is to own this existence,
to become that which was spoken.

There’s no certainty
of how it is supposed to sound.
No one’s ever been able to prove
that they know the One True Name,
but that failure pales beside
the rich murmur of poetry
that blankets the earth every day
as we try to get it right.

If it never happens,
if the Word is never uttered
and no one ever lives
happily ever after,

it won’t be because
we never struggled
our way through beauty
while learning to speak.

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There Is/There Are

a waffle
in your words
a wobble in your
eyes
a worm on your lips
an egg on your
face

episodes
where your heart
appears on your sleeve
available online

now
a consensus
and a rabble
of brooding

a thing you are not

a demand for you to be someone
you’re not

a role you were made to play

lingering doubts
and a ferocious hunger
for you
not for your blood
but for you

nothing there for them
but you’re going to give it to them
if you have to create it

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The Dream Bird

These last few days,
this shrinking light —

the calendar promising
an end soon
to a year that seemed long
before it was near its end —
and the start of a new one.

I close my eyes
expecting no closure
from an arbitrary number
on a piece of paper,
weary of the trudging progress
that got me here.

No, I’m a bird tonight,
in accord with more certain rhythms
that will lead to renaissance,

planning to fly home
when the right moment finally comes
no matter the date,
expecting to soar
and circle, then begin the direct route
to a resting place,

a place I’ll know in my hollow bones
when I get there.

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The Owl

I only know the owl
because I have been told about the owl,

have been startled by the owl once or twice
and seen the owl through chicken wire,

heard the owl in a suburban grove
and been afraid of the owl then,

calling my name the way I’d been told it would
when I was being called to close my eyes

for the last time.  But I do not
know the owl, have neither lived near it

nor seen it hunt or shit,
in fact can only call the owl “the owl”

as if there were only One Owl
worthy of the name, and all I can know

of The Owl is myth and shadow wings
and meaning assigned in a void of experience,

of education in hard fact and simple proximity,
when what I want most desperately now

is for an owl to live here, on the shelf,
demanding to be free to be itself,

and to acquiesce to that demand, to let it go
and follow it, hoping that I might understand

why it has moved so many, why its call
is considered the voice of the journey home,

why such a call is so compelling
that it must be followed and obeyed

until I starve beneath its tree,
covered in its droppings, its serene disdain

and caution in my live presence,
fearful of what we hang on it

as it goes, solitary, among the trees
on its way to an individual, real existence.

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Tea Party Sex At Twilight With Tiger And Palin

at dusk
we shared tea

over talk of monty python and brian eno

i said
“i really loved
the ‘taking tiger mountain
by strategy’
album”

then we spoke of michael palin
and his travels
around the pacific rim

you said
“i can’t help it
i kept waiting for him
to sit at a piano
and for his clothes
to fly up into the air”

it’s always sex with you
or at least nudity

for which I am profoundly thankful
as we lie together
with warm ambient music
and clear expectations

in our ring of fire

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Telling Time 2: Exact Time

We speak often
of dawn, of dusk,
of the wee small hours,
of midnight.

Here is a call out
for 1:47 PM, the afternoon
in progress, hours before
work ends, school almost over,
the heat of the day even in winter;

one for 8:13 AM, out the door
and into the completed light of morning,
transition over, no question about
what the day will bring because it’s come;

one for 9:00 PM on the nose,  still early evening
for some but for some it’s bedtime,
the hour of demarcation between
the night owl and the church mouse.

And a special nod of the head
to coming home to 00:00 flashing
on the stove clock,
cable box, microwave. 

What time is it, anyway,
when you are in the middle
of resetting the clocks after the power’s
come back on?

Did you set them all ahead a few minutes
so you’ll never be late again?
Did you set them all to the same time,
accounting for the few seconds it takes

to walk from one to the other? 
You use your watch, your phone, your computer
to be sure you did it right. Something is always off
by a minute.  Do you say then, “close enough?”

and feel a bit reckless? 
Is this
your
revolution?

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Telling Time

From the kitchen,
I can hear the cop show’s score;
they’re playing the Music of the Sad Reveal
so it must be quarter past the hour.

There’s a creak from the front stairs,
two sets of feet clomping up in winter boots,
and it’s Tuesday, so it must be
half past by now.

If I close my eyes I can hear the heat coming on,
can feel the chill settling in on the windows.
No need to go outside to see
the streetlights coming on.

I have ancestors who must have read signs
in the wind, the water, the sky and the upturned leaves.
Nothing has changed.  I live
the clock I’m given, call the hours as they come.

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Spill A Little

A spoonful
A cupful
A bucketful sometimes

Want to
spill
a little
now and then

Anger’s a dangerous thing
but a natural thing
Red justice is justice
no matter what the meek tell you

A spoonful
A cupful
A Bucketful

Long knives in the dark
Bullets kissed before loading
A pole axe in the trunk
Garrote in the pocket

This time
we’re going to find
the right pig to gut
Want to spill a little

Spoonful
Cupful
Bucketful

I know it’s wrong
to do such a thing
but it’s hard not to want it
sometimes

Especially when it seems so easy
to solve a bunch of problems
with a simple moment of movement
directed at the right spot

To want to let a little blood
seems the human way
And most of the pacifists I know
hide a criminal within

We think we’re better off
without the shedding of the blood
but in our sneaky hearts
we just think the wrong people are bleeding

A spoonful
A cupful
A bucketful

I never would do it
except in the cartoon of my head
but I think it’s ok to say it
because I think it’s who we are

There’s a dog pack in our eyes
when the food’s running out
and we’re gonna snap
when we’re hungry

Saying you feel that way
now and again
isn’t the same
as opening a vein

but it keeps you honest
Denial’s just a river of blood
and there was one once in Egypt
or so they say

Give me a metaphor
and I’ll show you a matador
waiting for the shouts of the crowd
Who doesn’t root for the bull

while secretly hoping
the horns find their mark
Who doesn’t love the poetry
of seeing some oppressor in the suit of lights

Who doesn’t want to spill a little

A spoonful
A cupful
A bucketful

A room full
A street full
A river full

A mansion full
A church full
A country full

now and then

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Pothole

If I walked by me on the street
I wouldn’t know me from a pothole,
and I’ve been a pothole.  I’ve tripped
people up and ruined their days.
I’m one ugly son of a bitch,

by which I mean I think I am one
beautiful son of a bitch,
and you just can’t get close enough
to see and agree.  (Even I
can’t, so don’t try.)  I’m short sharp cliffs
and rubble at the bottom
and you don’t even notice me
unless you step on me or drive by,

which is how I get along.
Even when patched (which happens
now and then, some well-meaning
fool takes pity and fills me)
I come back as big and rough as ever.

I try to think of myself, sometimes,
as the Rift Valley,
full of origins and the mud of ages.
I tell myself all those pebbles at the bottom
hide relics

until the next time I shudder slightly
at the rupture of a tire, the curse
of the tripped pedestrian who was simply
trying to get somewhere when they encountered
me.  When it’s over I snicker

and tell myself,
yeah, I’m a damn pothole and I’m OK
not seeing myself for what I am
until I cause some hurt to another,
it’s my nature, negative scorpion on a frog’s back,
created by some flaw in the making,
some resistance to repair,
some blindness and suspension
of desire to be whole.  After all,

a cussing out
is better than nothing.

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Form/Roll/Die

You follow their instructions
and become one of them,
all of you in line, all as rigid as posts
in the prairie —
here are your slots,
your holes — get in there
and stand, hold up
the fence and hold back
anyone threatening
to get by you.

You are there a long time,

Late one day, a wind
takes you down.
Cracked but still sound,
you tumble toward the ditch.

Not long after a boy takes you home,
balancing you
on the back of his bike.
Sets you by the side
of the fire pit
in his backyard strewn
with roadside junk where he
makes sculptures. He and his friends
sit on you and smoke, talking
of how they were fated
to be here.  It’s a crapshoot,
one of them says one night:
how some end up stiff and accepted,
others remain rootless, fluid,
free.

You hold them up.
It’s your job: settle into the ground,
support
another person in the role
they serve.

It’s no crapshoot, you think.
From assigned form
to accidental roll to
the final cast die, you just do
what you were meant to do.

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