Author Archives: Tony Brown

About Tony Brown

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A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details.

About People

Freddy was a cockroach in the corner
I took him down with the toe of my boot
It was that kind of bar
I left him crinkly-dead on the floor
The evidence of blunt and violent cleansing
right there for all to see
Let that be a lesson to your kind, you bug
Was there the next day
Now it’s
the day after that and
he’s still there
Regulars grumbling at the news on TV
Talking about the war
“Again with this shit —
always something with these people”
Freddy doesn’t hear it of course
being too dead for politics

Up the street there are gunshots
or so it would seem from the sound
College kids slumming look anxious
like they wanna run
but who the fuck knows if it’s safe
Regulars look up from their keno cards
Pay it exactly one dead cockroach’s
moment of mind — “it’s always
something — happens all over
Always something with people”

That’s a Thursday enough for me
and my roachkiller boots
Big death on the TV screen —
I could get that anywhere
Big fear in the half-gentrified street —
I do get that everywhere so

I take myself home
to a joint and Snickers bar
Watch TV some more and try to convince myself 
we don’t all hate each other
even more than the modicum amount
of hatred we grew up on
We’re driving into a cold-water pond
drunk or stoned and as for Freddy
he just got eaten by one of his own
back in the corner of the bar
where the regulars grumble 
and the slummers shiver

It’s always something with people


Yes, You Too

Upon the televised walls
sprays of
war flavored blood.

On the window,
a mist of brain drawn forth
by someone’s convictions.

There’s no regard.
no one reaching
for gentleness.

It is too late for such things.
No matter what we say, no security 
is violent enough for us.

Beyond our screens
is a ravening planet. Anyone 
I see in there is part of it.

Let this be our last call,
oh friends, oh companions.
Let us admit we long

for a fire fueled
by what we see as clean hate.
Yes, you too.

Last call. Hurry up,
please — it’s time again.
It’s time.

Pour a glass then toss it
against the screen. Let it 
splash all over

the walls, the windows.
Aren’t you sick of yourself,
friends? Companions?

You can see howI am sick of myself.
I want all of me gone, all of everything —
right, left, wrong, right.

I long to have my last scene
be abrupt. To have the last days
end suddenly. To have Death snicker

and say, you liberal, you conservative,
you allegedly gentle person who allows
such a flood of killing by refusing to kill —

you are as much Death as I am
as I accuse and refuse and confuse
with diffidence sprayed with blood

and the screen goes red,
then black.
We are the worst.

Yes, you too.


Prediction

Imagine yourself
among white sparks
coming off a grinding wheel.

You fly off, then vanish.
Just a byproduct
of loss in the name

of honing an edge.
What do you think
will be left behind?

It can cut. It can
let blood. I suppose 
it has its own gleam of 

beauty and a sheen
of crafter’s skill. You 
will be gone by the time

it is finished
and you feel
you deserve 

neither honor nor blame
for what comes next — so,
based on how quickly

you escape consequences,
you are probably
American through and through.


Untouched

What you claimed to feel
was empathy.
What you truly felt
was irritation. 

How dare the news intrude
with bombs and othered misery
upon that safety you’ve
been building? 

You do feel a little ashamed
at this self-interest,
but you are pleased 
that you have stopped briefly

to consider others
you will never meet.
People you will never 
be. Lives you are certain

will not touch yours.
This is why your people
migrated here, after all:
to be untouched by others.


Still Life With Cat And Blanket

Morning work:
cat kneading on
its daily blanket,
now and then
anguished or delighted
but finally completed
work from me.

If no one ever
sees any of this I know
at least one cat
is happy.  The blanket 
might not know it
but it has played its part
as well as it always has.

As for me: what do I call
the feeling when some work 
of mine is complete
and it was misery,
it was ecstasy or outrage
or all three and more beside:
or more to the point
what do I call the feeling
of it possibly being
the Last or nearly
the Last One?

The cat is content,
and the blanket just is.
I’m driven to keep going
into their space and then
getting up and going
elsewhere into the day
without ever knowing if tomorrow
will be the same. 

Who will read this poem of blanket and cat,
anyway? Why should such compulsion
drive me? Am I the cat, 
simply assuming each day will be the same?
Or am I the blanket,
there when the routine is not my own?
Are all of us just the means
to a still-unknown end?


Vaseline Tiger, Mostly Retired

He’s the shit.

One of Bowie’s
original vaseline tigers.
Moving with tide, hiding
his creaks and fears;
a good snake sliding by
on fearsome wholesome
appearance and
remnant style.

He’s the shit
or used to be
and lives for that
more than is safe
for someone of his age,

and surely we should thank
some god
for that.


Killjoy

Suppose you go
tell that man in the red Toyota
who is driving
around the neighborhood
jumping out
and handing a quarter
to each person he sees
telling them with huge grins
that it is for good luck and good news
in the coming new year

Suppose you decide
that it falls to you
to decide
that he’s nuts

You pull your kids aside
and pull out the trusty cellphone
to call the police

I bet that 
even if you do all that

you keep the quarter


Not You

By your roadside,
your very own, the one
outside your house.

You are waiting
to be let
back inside. 

Here they come,
leaving your doors open
as if no one lives there.

Someone’s
bagged and tagged
on a gurney. Not you,

though. They know
it isn’t you. They 
are giving you time,

all the time you need,
before they open their mouths
and remove all doubt.

By the roadside, formerly
your own roadside, the one
outside the house

you’ll be selling soon,
the roadside you will soon
drive one more time.

Right now you’re cold.
You wish for a jacket
and like a machine

you will go back inside 
and get yours from the closet
that soon won’t be your own.

Your own house
fading from view
until you cannot see it

as you drive away
in the fresh
dark cold.


Alternative Output

Alternative output
is when bombs hit earth
and open up and flowers
cover all.

Or, alternatively,
when olive trees come
to full ripeness in the time
it would have taken to butcher
children’s bodies
and fling the parts widely across hills
where ancient groves once grew.

Alternative output
of this stale algorithm
might resemble a culture
that has forgotten how to fear
any other and has resisted
turning into fodder by bending
from the waist
to see common ground beneath them
and then rising to look into
the other’s eyes
with a steady gaze.

Alternative output
is not falling over for death
but remaining standing
long enough for
the killers and their children to notice
they aren’t extinct and have not toppled
into their history books. 
Staying alive, tossing bombs
onto their streets that will bloom
like prairie, spread like salmon,
turn rubble and the still-standing dead
into sacred space filled with acolytes
of whatever will come
after you have gone.


Happiness

I’m not sure I recall
what it looked like or
how it sounded.

I think
it used to have
music with it, but now
I’m not as sure of that as
I once was.  

It had
a grand texture and a pleasing skin
but perhaps it has been flayed
in the ages since I last
laid a hand on it.

I’m limping in fog toward
the last place I saw it and 
my cane’s not touching pavement
where I used to walk so easily.
Now I’m in fog so thick
I can’t hear the click
of the tip of the stick
hitting ground.

Maybe it’s broken and I’m reaching
for something below my feet
that is there but refuses
to let me know it remains solid,

but I dare not take another step
for fear of a cliff
and a fall.

Happiness indeed used to be
around here somewhere,
but I think it has moved on.


Ashes, Ashes

Whether you are eating well
or poorly; whether you are well-housed
or ill-kept by your gods; happy in wealth
or broken by poverty before all — 

you stand, wherever you find yourself,
on the backs of monsters
who made this world. Yes,
there were good people too

but not as many as you would like
to count. There will be monsters
forever in spite of hope.This is
a world you do not need to believe in

to have it be true. (Ashes 
flood your mouth at that thought.)
Your children might be among the monsters
in spite of your hope.

(Ashes in the water, in your bread,
in the air.) Maybe your find your own generosity
is monstrous to you? Nonsense. Fill your plate.
Tomorrow is promised. Bastards 

and saints alike will thrive and clouds of ashes
will rise forever from their footsteps as you do
your best, watching it all from the backs
of the monsters you have ridden to get here.


Reversal

To lie in bed
and love the breath
sighing next to you.
To get up out of that
and notice the time
after having slept all night.
A smile in the pre-alarmed
dark of the bedroom,
one last one before
daybreak and its
struggles. To have
barely five minutes
before the misfortune of 
sunrise: it’s not the
way it is supposed to be
according to everything
and everyone else, but
here I am, wishing once again
for reversal.  


Your Salve

When needed,
a hard heart 
is indispensable — 

for the eyes of their children
can soften your resolve, as can
their voices at dusk

before streetlights
come on and chase them
toward imagined safety —

don’t be fooled. You know
what they are, what
they will become.  You

might need to wait them out
at first, but you will
get used to it. Till then

remember that anyway, they burn
brighter in the night, and you will learn
how to harden your heart

by the light of them twisting
in the night: your involuntary demons,
your salve.


Handwriting Practice

A quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog.

Handwriting practice.
All the letters you need 
in one easy to remember phrase.

A quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog.

Picture the sentence hurtling
through a field. (Maybe
it’s escaping rocket fire.
Do they have foxes in Gaza?)

It comes across the sleeping dog
and lets it lie there wrapped
in its tight little cliche.  Flies over it
the way your pen never did.

Your pen
had to be precise. No slop,
no blots, no hesitation.

You had to be so careful
when you wrote
back then — every letter needed to be 
a shelter.

If you wrote badly
on the blackboard you’d be
mocked at the very least.
They’d blow you up,
they would. 

A quick brown fox 
jumps over the lazy dog

on its way south. You are
traveling as fast as you can
among the familiar ravening
of the wakened dogs of war. 
Are there foxes in Gaza? Well,
there are now. There are
again. No need
for cursive script to write 
curses. You needn’t
stop to write. In fact,
you can’t. 

A quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog.

I’m up too late.
What good does writing do
in such a lovely hand as mine?
What good am I to the struggle
when it’s so far away?

And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and coupled them tail to tail, and fastened torches between the tails.

A quick brown fox, or rather
a pair of them, screaming,
jumps over the lazy dog. The lazy dog
burns and itself is screaming
like a rocket, like a fighter jet.

Everything is screaming and no one
can write their way out of this,
standing in memory
at old-school blackboards
trying to write a new phrase
but we can’t keep our hands from shaking.

No one is anything other
than a dog waking in terror
or a fox someone else set on fire.

 

 


First Thing

First thing I do
after getting up
is pet and feed
the cat. After that

I begin the lamentations:
the world, the job, 
the pain of rising age within.
I feel indignities and
humiliations and above all
of them, like a creaking ceiling,
the whisper of one future day
calling out, “coming, coming
soon; you’ve seen nothing yet;”

but I did see the face
on Miesha when I gave her
her bowl, and at least
I started well and someone
loves me in her way,
and I can call upon
that small thing
whenever I am in need.