Choosing

Believe me,
there are times when I want
things to be different — when I want
to be Native wholly or Italian
wholly and not half
of anything.

But during a moment
when I am asked to choose
one side or the other,
when I want badly to be
Native or White without question
or qualm,

I step out of myself
and ask what difference it makes
to the world, to the struggle,
if I choose — is it not OK
to be indeterminate? Is it not
useless in the long run to decide?

The storm of my life says no,
says yes, shrugs its shoulders
and says both or neither.
Allow for either to happen,
the body fails either way
and either way, I disappear.

I am neither, I am both,
I choose one or the other,
I choose the blend, the mix,
the tapestry, the melange.
The words it could be.
The instability it is.

And so, I disappear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T