Daily Archives: December 26, 2023

Clumsy Blues

When the cat
at last stepped out from under
the bed covers,
she came first
to the dry food dishes
in the border land between
pantry and kitchen,

then into the living room
with half-lidded eyes;
sat down smack in the middle
of the grey rug
looking for all the world
like a reluctant barroom audience

as I picked with
recovering skills 
at the Telecaster
not long ago set aside
for my illness,
my wrecked ability;
only recently taken up again
to bat around
as a cat might play with 
doomed prey.

Unimpressed,
she turned back
to the bedcovers to dream
of blues I’ll never play again —

not in this, the eighth
of my alleged nine lives
that is also the sixth
of hers, that is the last one
of someone else’s allotted haul.

All of this is to say
that when I sit back now,
I sit at my leisure
knowing I’ve not much longer to play.
This cat who will outlast
my last poor song 
can stay under the blanket.
I’ll be there as well before too long,
thinking:

Let me sleep for now.
I’ll be satisfied one day soon.
I’ll have had enough of these clumsy blues.
I’ll set the guitar down for good.


Let’s Pretend

Pretend to that caution
you’ve rarely practiced
when deep in your longing
for love or for comfort in the cold.

As you stare at the sunrise
of one of the last days
of a calendar year,
you imagine the release

waiting ahead of you
some hours from now
after sunset;  instead
of rushing head first toward it

as you once would have done
when seeking what you
had always considered
your birthright, this time

you fall to your knees,
stopping
well before
the sun is gone;

for once grabbing
for the last light instead of
falling for the darkness
you always found more amenable. 

Pretend to caution
you have never felt 
before letting yourself fall
into forever. You have never known

such a pull on your back.
You have never known what it is
to hold yourself from a free fall.
You do not know this person you’ve become:

have never
felt the desire
to remain alive, to see
what happens next. 


Where Is The Door?

I am 63 years old
and neither can I mash potatoes
nor can I drive, if all I am told
is true. It doesn’t

look true — I cannot do
both at once but give me time
to separate the tasks from one another
and I am sure I can do

most of what what
I am asked to do.  I am 63 years old
and cannot dress myself nor can I
hold myself close and love me

as I should be loved, or as I’ve
been told I should; who knows now
what that even means? I’m 63 years old
and the list — check-boxes on soul-paper,

boxes printed in fire, the audit trail
with which I judge myself — is incomplete.
It seems, even, to be erasing itself.
What I thought I knew of living is vanishing. 

I’m 63 years old and I’ve not done nearly enough
about famine and genocides, nothing about
correcting history, not enough about the poor,
neither the belly nor the beast are more in check

because I was alive. I’m 63 years old
and it is 63 years old — weakened
in mind and matter. I cannot drive,
can’t mash potatoes, can’t hear,

have all but stopped feeling
anything other than fear and regret
and if I ever knew peace of mind,
I have forgotten what it was like. 

I have to go, and 63 years after I got here
I find I’ve forgotten how to get to the exit.
63 plodding years of the urge for going,
and where exactly is that damned door?