You expect
every morning
to be different,
and it isn’t.
No one coddles you
in any way
you desire. There’s no
long-awaited recognition
that you are a gift. Instead
you move slowly around
your shabby rooms trying
to be quiet and minimal.
You don’t even bother
to wrap yourself in festival
colors as you used to. Ancient
T-shirt, ratty sweat shorts,
beat shoes or none if you’re staying in.
Usually you are staying in.
Coffee then the desk if it’s a work day,
and since it’s usually not off you go
instead to what feels like
your real job:
looking out dirty windows
at your leveled world
and wondering how far
you’d have to go
to find a better one,
if there is one out there.
To the desk, anyway,
as soon as you can tear yourself away
from your captivating despair.
Make a record of all this. It might
do someone some good.
It’s done nothing for you, true.
You never became the gift
you longed to be. Maybe this will.