Monthly Archives: July 2019

The Old Man Speaks Of War

I’ve seen a war approach before
and know how it made me feel;
I crackled with murky energy,
learned how to burn
and how to dodge burning.

I have gone to war before
and adored how it made me move;
I ran forward, stopped short,
cleaned and leaned upon my weapon, 
swallowed my fear,
freed the Evil in my hands.

I’ve come home from war before
and sat for hours staring into clouds,
drinks, eyes, mirrors, carved stones
and Tarot cards. It never felt like home
again, no matter what fortune told.

And now, here comes a war again;
I have no body to offer it; my hands can’t hold,
my feet won’t charge; 
my heart’s all for it
but my skin holds me back; 
if I had a child,

I’d offer it up to war:
I’d weep and wail but also,
I’d see that kid as my arm, my hand
stretched out to touch the old energy: 
cross my heart and hope to never die.


As Happy As A Dead Person

As happy as
a dead person

(specifically, that one
emerging from

the pile of leaves
in the corner lot).

That one whose face
has just been exposed

by this teensy tiny wind
that popped up just after dawn. 

The neighbors on either side
must either have known it was there

or have been improbably oblivious,
as that huge smile

took a while
to come to the surface

from the look of
the rest of the face,

all white and naked
bone. Setting speculation

on why it’s here
and how it went unseen

this long aside, 
can’t help thinking that

as happy
as it looks now to me

as it smiles and peers
black-holed out

of the oak and maple
clutter in the lot (which is

now I see also full
of trash bags and other

hopefully neutral humps
in the underbrush),

as happy as it appears
to me taking 

my plodding wobble 
of a morning walk

past here as I do
every morning,

that’s a level of happy
I could aspire to,

and after all these months
of unsteady and hurt,

I finally don’t care how
I might get there.


Those Proud Boys

As terrified of glitter
as if it were poison,
those boys dance around
with sticks in their fists,

claiming they are impervious
to fear. Claiming birthrights
and heritages they’ve made up,
devoid of sweetness and flash,

these boys prepare a sham parade
for their false history of a future country
whose only social rituals
will be shouting matches and funerals.

Terrified of glitter and resentful
of rainbows, this clump of boys — 
this clot of twisted ball sweat, this lump
of damage and lost anger — 

steps up smartly to their idiot march.
If there’s a God, God will surely toss
a handful of shine behind them to clean up
the stink they leave behind.


Tiny Spiders Of Cultural Appropriation

You know the old saying
about never being more
than a few feet away

from a spider,
no matter where 
you are — 

sources say
it’s not true, bit
of an urban legend,

but people love it
and repeat it
to illustrate some deep fear

of how close danger
or simple unpleasantness always may be,
of how close nature is,

how we’re not-as-dominant 
as we’d like to presume we are
even in the splendor

of our well-built homes
and the perfect turf
of their invasive lawns

and planned non-native gardens,
our imported birds,
our disruptive states of easy being;

strange how no one speaks this way
of the demonstrable swarm
of tiny spiders known as cultural appropriation,

the savage venom brewed
of captured spirit
and web-caught dreams;

how we are never more
than three feet away
from something stolen

that is often underfoot, that other times
is floating by in music and air;
we don’t shudder thinking about what’s inside us,

what has made a home within;
most only dimly aware
of how the tiny spiders hold sway,

crawling upon us daily, 
minutely, second to second;
why we don’t run screaming into deep water

to cleanse ourselves
of all this is a mystery;
it is as if a screen has fallen

before our eyes, websilk
woven thick and strong 
that shields us

from seeing the tiny spiders
of cultural theft we are never more 
than skin-thick away from,

tiny spiders like ghosts
of a past we took, visions
of futures that never will be.


This Mood Of Mine

This mood of mine, 
serotonin desert,
endorphin drought — oh,
science be damned:
to put it plain, I’m killing me
and I don’t know why.

It’s been so long
since a manic storm
took its toll upon me
that I almost miss it.
Almost. Folks assume
those highs are a pleasure;

let me tell you: no,
no and no again. The crest
of that wave rises too high
and the adrenaline lift
only makes you too loose
to handle the damage

when you plunge
to the trough 
that waits below.
Right now, though, 
I’d welcome the ride
as a change of pace,

for mood of mine, bipolar’s
trench, shallow grave
that deepens
as I lie in it,
I swear I will fight you
as long as I can.

This too shall pass, some say.
This too shall fade away
and I will remain, 
but none who speak of this can say 
what will be left:
a man alive or a mummy,

a nest of bones weathered
to leather scraps and white junk
or a croaking mess begging
for anything wet at all
to drown in. To put it plain
I am
 killing me

and although
it might save me
to do so,
to trickle forth a little pain
for public view,
I can’t even cry.


They Think Themselves Divine

applauding themselves,
pretending that sound 
is the call of the hands of God,

pretending so hard and so well
they begin to think
themselves divine,

forgetting they are as human
as the executed and imprisoned
whose pain they claim to sanctify,

turning down the sound
of their own frightened breathing
and covering their eyes as Death begins

taking all those they’ve demonized, as Fear
begins dragging all those they’ve targeted
and stigmatized into the Dark,

not recognizing that Darkness 
is their own long shadow,
not seeing how it hangs behind them,

following them with every step,
swallowing all their perceived divinity whole
before choking on it and spitting it out.


Requirements

Revised.  Originally posted March, 2018.

Start picturing
a starving eagle in tears,
exhausted to the point that
it cannot feed
after all those years
of having to hang there:

wings up,
talons full.

Start wondering
what’s under 
your Uncle Sam’s 
hat and why he
looks so pissed 
as he points at you:
you thought you
were tight. After all
you’re family, or
so you were told.

Start thinking about dollar bills
in your pocket, your hand,
against your bare skin.
Imagine who paid for what
with them before they came to you.

Start seeing 
that flag
as a door
anytime you see it,

a locked door
with a code
to enter. 

Start imagining how hard 
you will have to kick to take down that door.

Think about what might be on
the other side.

Keep at it until your foot spites your fear
and twitches without you willing it.