Patriarchal Loop

Didi stutters.

I knew her
when she didn’t.

I know 
who made her stutter,
made her shy.
I know what he did.

I didn’t do
what I should have done
when I found out,

so I guess
I helped
to start her stuttering too.

I guess I wasn’t a man then,
or maybe I was.  

Maybe I 
still am not one, or maybe
I still am.  Maybe

“being a man”
means
brooding about 
being a man,

instead of just
being a man 
differently.

Don’t judge me
by Didi, stuttering
and shy — 
it’s hard to be a man.

That’s what i said, it’s hard
to be a man these days
when men are so not good at
being men —

I said it, yeah.
You heard me —

did I stutter?